This is Genius

Bear and I had a urinal at our house in BKK, and we never thought of this. Wow, leave it to a four star hotel in Southern Vietnam, and you get this!

Not in The China, But Close

This is actually in S.F.

Greatful Dead, Golfing, and Cambodia

I miss golf... a lot. Now that Siem Reap has two golf courses, I was hoping I would get a chance to play. Unfortunately, I haven't yet because prices are completely unreasonable - $70 for 9 holes at Angkor Golf Resort, and over a hundred bones for 18 holes at the Sofitel course. Ok, ok, they are nice courses (supposedly - I've only seen the Sofitel course), but it's just ridiculous to expect to pay that much. So on principle alone I'm waiting to play in Thailand.

To give you an idea of how golf and Cambodia mix, here is the quote from the American who won the inaugural Cambodian Open hosted last week in Siem Reap:

"This is awesome. I would like to dedicate this win to the Grateful Dead, as they have inspired me all the way," said Saltus, who has attended 153 concerts. (Full Article Here)

Go figure. Caution: the photo in the link above is kinda scary.

~ J-Dub

Suitcase Blues

I laughed to myself the other day when I realized that the extent of what I own fits into two bags that I can carry-on any international flight. In one way, it's liberating. I can book a flight tomorrow and pretty soon be in Botswana.

In another way, I do miss having a home. When Robert Earl Keen says, "there's nothin' better than your own backyard," I can't help but to become insanely jealous of everyone who has that comfort. The only way I can rationalize around it is to think that I would probably be bored quickly of having a backyard and soon want to be where I am now with my two suitcases.

Yet by living modestly for the past few years in Asia, I have a great sense of what I need versus what I want. It's a great perspective to have. I guess this happens when all day your around locals who are careful about spending 2,000 Riel [FN1].

J-Dub

[FN1] 4,000 Riel = 1 USD

Serious Shit

I'm telling you; letting your kid poop in public is not cool. Dropping your infant's trousers to let him or her poop in the middle of busy market helps no one. Ok, Ok. I understand you don't have to find a toilet so you can hover over your assortment of twenty-cent-per-pair-cheap-ass socks that only Big Bird would buy, but really, that's just plain lazy.

China Makes No Sense

I don't care what anyone says, this country has a long way to go.

What's Up is What's Going Down

J-Dub is back in the 'Bodia. It's been a crazy month, and no doubt this month will be no different since I'll be leaving at the new year. So many posts brewing in the back of my dome, but since I can't think of any right now you'll have to wait. But the big news is that J-Dub is leaving the 'Bodia, and with the end of that chapter will be the end of the Cali Thais. So the Cali Thais will be posting until the end of the year.... Don't cry the 5 people who still care about the Cali Thais.

La La Land

It's been several months since the jump [back] across the pond and I feel like it is time to reflect on it a little. The transition has been smoother than most anticipated in the beginning, yet it is the subtle items that build upon themselves, like soft fluffy marshmallows stacking higher and higher until finally their weight is felt and their number many. Little things, good and bad that you don't notice until finally when you do and suddenly can't stop seeing them everywhere. Below we'll discuss a few of them.

Size:
Everything is bigger here. I mean everything... from the freeways to the food portions, the grocery stores to the waist lines. Let me say, my God this is a fat country. With that said, women also carry curves on their hips and on their chests. It's so much easier to distinguish girls from boys (and I'm not even referring to the ladyboys of Asia).

How this change in size affects me:
I'm reminded how much I don't ever want to become fat. Sure, it may sound bad, but fat people are the tubby, sweaty embodiment of laziness. Food portions are delightfully large, and it's great to get back to decent mexican food on every corner. As for feminine female forms - hell yes. How could I ever live without the joy of large mammaries bouncing from one shop to the next? I'm finding myself more open to both petite and curvy girls... and that opens up a lot of possibilities, however unlikely a positive outcome may be (more on that below).

Cleanliness:
Call me crazy, but LA seems so clean to me. Where are the choking odor-trails that lead you to (or on a hot afternoon, away from) the local fish market? One can safely take a walk down most sidewalks here without constant heed to avoiding steamy garbage piles, wretched diseased stray dogs, the mushy daily reminders those dogs leave behind, rotting scraps from the local restaurant, and unclean beggars clinging to their bottles of whiskey. Oh Bangkok, how your distinct smells will ever dance in my memories. At least I have the urine-soaked stairwell in the parking garage on the way to work to console me and provide a little familiarity.

Personalities:
Here in LA, I feel I've lost my superstar status. This is not solely because I no longer stand towering over the tops of jet-black haired Thais, my skin sparkling powdery white. My skin still keeps its lustrous pale-glow. I no longer feel the full superstar status because everyone else in this city seems to feel they have superstar status too. It truly is amazing to be in a place where everyone is better than everyone else... but I don't see how that math adds up. Let's just say LA is not a land of humble, outgoing Buddhists. Than again, the quirkiness adds a layer of entertainment, so there's that...

Girls:
For my take on women in Thailand, look through past posts - there's plenty there. As for La women, I could (and probably later will) go into great detail about their unique character. For now, I'll allow this story to suffice:
This evening we were on our way to a movie and pulled up to a red light. I turned my head to notice a very attractive brunette in the car next to us. I look for less than 2 seconds before she turns towards me and caught off guard, I offer a completely innocent smile. Before I could even begin uttering the eloquent words "i'd cut off a finger for her" to my roommate, this goddess mars her own beauty with a fierce scowl and a quick-drawn middle finger intended for me (the finger appointed with some huge diamond-encrusted ring, naturally). She then lurches her car forwards, nearly slamming into the car ahead of her, simply to get out of direct eyesight of me. This whole event happened over the course of 7.3 seconds. Her judgment of me as a human took a mere 1.3 seconds. Extrapolating this data out, she went from zero to bitchy in record-breaking time.

Awesome. Welcome to La La Land.
~Bear

E-Dog's Blog - Teach in Taiwan

If you've ever wanted to know what it's like to teach full time in Asia, the Cali Thais aren't teachers so we can't help. But our buddy E-Dog is in Taiwan and it turns out he has a blog about all his wacky adventures in Taiwan. Check it:

http://wherethehellisethan.blogspot.com/

Bear and E-Dog, along with Jdub to a lesser extent because he was in Cambodia more often than not, got hypy (sp?) in BKK and now all the girls are sad because none of us are there full time. Sorry ladies (see 'What I Deserve' by Bear)

~Jdub

It's the small signs that should worry you the most when you go to pee by the side of the road in Cambodia

Samboon is a brave Cambodian.

CNN's AC360 is Ridiculous

CNN's Anderson Cooper (aka AC360) is a goof ball. The pretty boy is promoted to be a hard-knocking, untold-story teller, but he couldn't be further from it.

The first clue came a couple months ago when he reported from a slum in Phnom Penh. He was doing a special on the sex trade, and the story focused on how terrible the expats are in Cambodia, and how they all exploit underage girls. While there is no denying that the sex trade is a problem in many parts of South East Asia, AC360 focused exclusively on foreigners' dirty deeds without even mentioning that the majority of exploitation is hard to capture because the majority is the local people participate and support it. Funny how he didn't go to the places where the Cambodian business men go..... With all sorts of hidden cameras and secret informants, AC360 focused on the white people and made the story seem like all expats are shady, sex crazed animals.

Why can't he be fair and balanced like Fox News? (and why doesn't Fox News have an international channel?)

Then, a couple days ago, he was in Thailand doing a special on "Planet in Peril." Again, he brought the secret cameras and local experts, but this time the story was on the endangered animals that can be purchased at the weekend market. It was ridiculous. The local Thai people came across as shady and evil.

AC360, Bro, what happened to your tolerance of different cultures and ideas? Is it wrong that I want to have a neon turtle from Madagascar? What if I take care of it? What if I help support a poor family by buying it?

"This is Thai culture. You don't understand Thai culture.....", the Thai's often remind me with a smile.

~ Jdub

Japan Photos

If anyone reads this blog anymore, here are links to my Japan photos:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/87831193@N00/

I'm not moving there lest I'd become an alcoholic living in a closet surrounded by people who never make eye contact.

Any suggestions on where to live?

~ J-Dub

Ninja Status

In Japan .... Wow. I really want to be a Ninja right now and sneak around like the BIG KAT on too much PBR because it's like everyone in Japan is a Ninja. Making eye contact is the first obstacle. If you can do that, then you have an 'in' and you can talk to the Japanese, but making eye contact is not easy..... This is the Ninja way.

Started in Kyoto, the cultural center of Japan, and I quickly realized why I love traveling. It's a challenge. I had booked a 'business hotel' (the basic equivalent of a closet with a bed and shower) four nights. It was on my flight from SFO to KIX that I realized I was traveling into the future, and I was arriving a day later than I thought. i.e. I left on a Tuesday afternoon and booked Tues night's accommodation in Japan, but it was really Thursday when I arrived. So I basically booked an extra night - amateur night, J-dub..... But luck was on my side, despite my flight in SFO being delayed 1.5hrs. which left approximately 40 in Soeul to catch my connecting flight. Oh, I made it, Ninja style, with 10 min to spare, and I was the last one on the flight.

Arriving in KIX the efficiency of Japan was clear: Immigration - passport, visa on arrival card, boom, finished. Baggage claim, boom, got my bag. Customs - give them the form, boom, go ahead. Sign marked Information - give them the address of my hotel in English, they give me the address and directions in Japanese for the taxi, boom, done. Walk across a corridor to the train station and exchange a train voucher for my train pass, boom, now I can travel anywhere on the trains for 7 days. At the same office, I booked a ticket for the last night train leaving for Kyoto, boom with 4 minutes to spare. Made it to Kyoto and checked into my hotel. I explained my adventure to the hotel reception at close to midnight, and woman was nice enough not to charge me for the extra night.... that's Ninja status.

More pics to come, - Jdub

P.S. Click on Pics to enlarge...........................

What I Deserve.

It's been a while... ok, it has been ages. I've thought of countless things I need to get around to posting and haven't yet. What's my excuse? Maybe it's settling back into a Western life. Maybe it's figuring out a new job. Whatever the excuse... it's not good enough.

When I decided to return to the States I had a few criteria that were important in my head to fulfill, to make it all worth while. *Find a good job with good starting pay in an interesting company doing something I'd look forward to when I woke up in the morning; so far (one week down), so good. *Moving in with good friends to make the living situation rewarding day in and day out; absolutely - my new roommates are hilarious and enjoy my pointless stories. *Living life a little more fully; I'm on the path to that, and putting up few roadblocks in the process. Hesitation is just an obstacle to having fun, right? *And finally, dating the kinds of girls I should be dating; no settling, no selling out, no one that any friend would later say "dude, she was not cool." Fuck that, time for cool.

Here's where I'm at now: good job, check - living with good friends, check (be it currently on the couch, it's still better than living with my parents, though I love them dearly) - making each day begin and end with a big smile, check - dating quality girls... and there in lies the rub.

Don't get me wrong, I've dated some great girls here. Really cute models, funny chicks, and deep-souled individuals - but none strike the right tone yet. I'm all for pointing out my flaws early on so they know what they are up against. Self-deprecating humor rings loud and clear: I know my weaknesses (though you may find it hard to believe I have any, a few are hidden in the mix), but I'm getting the sense that people here don't always know a great thing when they see it. I say this because I had my first reminder of what it is to be back in Southern California. Oh Thailand, what makes you so sweet?

I guess I haven't felt the sting of a night of strikeouts in a long time... and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Ok, maybe not strikeouts, but no big hits either. And if that is one of the precepts for opting to return to this part of the world, what will it take for a few more grand slams? Guess I need to put forth more effort than merely trying to speak the local language (don't get me wrong, I have to try that here too... I'm so behind the times with the lingo: "not" jokes are no longer in). Let's just say the re-integration into American society is not as smooth as Johnny Walker Green Label on a Saturday night back at Bed Bar in BKK.

Check back in next week, as I have a new strategy I want to test out on the "locals" - really, who doesn't love a guy in a Santa costume?

Until next time,
Bear

Tiger Putting

Recent reports suggest Wood's discrete drinking of vodka in Aquafina water bottles has helped "Tiger Putting"

(Picture from ESPN's website)

~ J-Dub

"Upgrade" in Cambodia

I'm overseeing the "upgrade" of wireless internet right now. Whenever the word "upgrade" is used I now reach for the closest bottle of booze to numb the pain inherent in the indelible true nature of "upgrade," which is "your shit will be fucked up for at least 2 weeks, and hopefully after all the fucking around it will be better than if we hadn't touched it in the first place."
~ J-Dub

Only in Thailand

- Bangkok Parlour

Things I Miss

This is my third summer in SE Asia. No question there are things I miss about the States:

9.) Snow (I think I remember what cold is)
8.) Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream (any flavor, I don't care)

7.) Celebrating the 4th of July

6.) The Jo-Tel & The Yeah Area

5.) House Parties, a good selection of beers at bars, and proper dank

4.) Comedy Central & FX

3.) Playing lacrosse

2.) Chicks who have a good sense of humor beyond Tom and Jerry cartoons

1.) Friends & Family

~ J-Dub

Sexflexology?

Old Market, Siem Reap Cambodia

(Click to Englarge)

~ J-Dub

Best pick up move

The premise for the following move is so ingenious it should be in a movie [FN1]. Although it has yet to be tested outside of my dome, the sheer hilarity of it even if you fuck up bad would be awesome. It's too bad Johnny D isn't here right now, because he would be perfect to play the following Dude. A drunk Johnny D, of course.

Here's the typical situation: Hot girl is talking with friend(s) in a club or bar. Dude needs an 'in' to break the ice.

Here's the solution: Dude politely interrupts and introduces himself. He explains he has a friend who has been watching her all night and who really likes her 'style' but this friend is too shy to talk to her. So the dude proceeds to tell her about his friend - a few intimate details mixed with flirtatious banter. Then the dude asks if she would be kind enough to meet him. At this point, it's up to the girl to give the yeah or nay. If she says yes, then all dude has to do is reintroduce himself...... The 'friend' was the dude.

But for it to work, it requires a few things done well:

1.) The dialog must be prepped beforehand. The delivery should be completely natural.

2.) Dude must make the girl laugh in some way, like with a corny joke that the 'friend' told him. That way, the girl is prepped for the zing.

3.) Dude should mention something else ridiculous that he can use after the 'in', like saying 'just so you know he has a tendency to get naked in public places.'

4.) Have a friend fairly close by who can overhear the conversation. If it bombs, he can jump in to save the Dude by introducing himself, and trying the routine again.

When are you coming out, Johnny D ?

~ J-Dub

[FN1] If anyone has seen a movie with a scene like this in it, please let me know which movie. If it has already been done, I am completely willing to accept that. It's like time when I was in 7th grade and wanted to patent an ingenious idea that was sure to make me rich - vehicle headlights that moved in accordance with the steering wheel. Turns out, it was already invented some 60 years earlier, referred to as 'directional headlights'.

Dinner: Selected Photos

Domain Name Confusion

"Intercapping is often used to clarify a domain name. However, DNS is case-insensitive, and some names may be misinterpreted when converted to lowercase.

For example: Who Represents, a database of artists and agents, chose whorepresents.com; a therapists' network thought therapistfinder.com looked good.

Another website operating as of October 2006, is penisland.net a website for Pen Island, a site that claims to be an online pen vendor, but exists primarily as a joke, as it has no products for sale. In such situations, the proper wording can be clarified by use of hyphens. For instance, Experts Exchange, the programmers' site, for a long time used expertsexchange.com, but ultimately changed the name to experts-exchange.com.

Leo Stoller threatened to sue the owners of StealThisEmail.com on the basis that, when read as stealthisemail.com, it infringed on claimed trademark rights to the word 'stealth'. "

- Source Unknown, Hats off to A for the link.

Ode to Steven

Justice walks where the criminals are many,
Out there with them all,
You right wrongs a plenty
So calm, so quick, so tall.

They say the good are few and in between,
and that only God can judge a man,
But your kung fu is plain mean
I've seen part of Attack Force, damn.


Chief hanker chief with the pool ball
is my sweet nickname for you,
Because no matter big or small,
Biker dudes' teeth are reduced to two.

I defend your masterpieces and art,
when only Korean One plays your films, Geez,
Quick with the trump card,
Like haven't you seen Under Siege?

When you get mad,
Would-be felons run for the hills,
You don't say anything, it's rad,
I'm so jealous, where can I learn your skills?

Best wishes to you and your band,
I'm your biggest fan,
I haven't heard any of your shit
but I'm sure it's legit.

Goin' loco on your solos,
Serenading all da' ladies with your ballads,
No matter fast or slow,
Chicks love you like Vegans love salads.

In the face of adversity
I respect how you're so calm,
throughout any calamity,
That's why I love lightningdrink.com

~ J-Dub

The Happs

My New Home

- Charles Murray's "In Pursuit: of Happiness and Good Government" is awesome. Murray, who also wrote "The Bell Curve," is plain genius. Pick up a copy- you'll love it.

- My iPod shuffle died when I was, curiously enough, running with it. Apparently, it doesn't like sweat making it's way into the components. Apple kills me. How can they market a product for running that dies when you run with it? (And it's not like it was wedged in between my nuts. It was clipped to the outside of my running shorts.)

- I joined a gym at a nearby hotel for two months. This will undoubtedly motivate me to preserve my stellar fitness.

- The monsoon season is approaching, and it's raining for about an hour everyday in the afternoon. I love the rainy season. Less people, cool weather, and neon green rice fields everywhere.

- I saw a 5 foot frog-eating snake crawling through the garden the other day. The Cambodians are terrified of snakes, but love to eat them. It was fun watching them all poised with brooms and bamboo hunting the snake.

- Vista is a slippery wicket. Slick new look and feel, but it fails terribly at retro-compatibility. Quick Books 2004, for example, doesn't run on my new computer with Vista, so I'm forced to either upgrade to the new version ($400) or buy a second hand computer with XP that can run the older version ($250). Ridiculous.

- I miss Bear.

~ J-Dub

Da Marathon

I finished my first marathon in Thailand, and must say it was pretty awesome. So many damn hours of running in dust and heat of Cambodia finally paid off.

The race was slow, long, and painful at times. It went like this:

I woke up nice and early last Sunday morning at 3:30am to be sure I could eat some food and drink plenty of water. I applied the necessary tape and Vaseline to help prevent chaffing, grabbed a few baht, laced up my shoes and was ready to go. There were some other runners from Malaysia, Singapore, and Germany staying at the same bungalows as me, and when we met in the lobby at 4:30am there was much discussion of racing strategies. Everyone was shocked that I didn’t have a wrist watch and lacked a clear projected time for finishing. I told them that since it was my first marathon, I just wanted to finish the race in one piece. They laughed and before long we piled into a van and drove to the starting line.

When we reached the starting line, I thought we were in the wrong place, because the scene looked more like a discotheque with loud speakers, neon lights, and people everywhere. But sure enough it was the right place. The sky was black, but the vibe was electric. With five minutes until go time, people from over 40 countries were stretching and loosening up.

The first 5K was pretty slow, and I was terrified of not having enough energy later in the race, so I tried to keep a slow and steady pace. Despite running in darkness and with no sun, the humidity was high, and the air was sticky. When the sky lit up about 40 minutes later, there were some dark clouds in the distance that looked menacing. Sure enough, at the 10K marker it started to rain. Then it started to rain really hard. Then the thunder and lightning came. Everything I was wearing instantly became soaked, including my shoes which felt like lead weights.

Fortunately, the clouds meant no blazing sun, and it was a tropical rain storm, which meant a warm rain. After about 25 minutes, the rain stopped, but thanks to the humidity (wink) I was saturated for the remainder of the race. The two pairs of thin socks I wore proved to be a small miracle- no serious blisters during or after the race!

The course started through the city streets with motorbikes, cars, and trucks passing dangerously close, and I tried my best to run along the shoulder with all the other runners. It then made its way into unpopulated undulating hills with jungle all around. Fog from the nearby coast hovered among the rubber trees and rows of pineapple fields. It was gorgeous. The scenery was helping to distract my attention from my legs, which did not like the hills and from my feet which did not like my wet shoes.

Kilometer 12-30 were kind of a blur. I remember running along the ocean at one point thinking how lucky I was to be running in paradise. At another point I remember passing a novice monk following his elder collecting morning alms and watching me at my snail’s pace with a curious smile. As I reached the 30K mark at 3hr, 36min and fatigue was truly setting in. I found I was walking more now before and after the water stations.

It was tough getting to each of the next kilometer markers. There were only a few people around, and more often than not, I found I was by myself. It took a lot of positive self-talk to keep going. At kilometer 34 there was a set of rolling hills that I was totally unprepared for. This really took it out of me…. The course just kept going and going and going.

I reached Kilometer 38 and was greeted by some familiar faces cheering me on – The Jaw, Bear, A, C, & C.

‘Run, John, Run,’ little C said.

I stopped for a minute for some hugs, and then kept running with The Jaw and Bear by my side. My cousins were great motivators telling me that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do most: walk. As the last of the race was approaching, more and more people appeared cheering me on. So I kept running, albeit very slowly.

I reached the finish line (42Km) with A and kids there again cheering me on. I couldn’t help but smile and crossed the finish line at 5hr. 29min. It was a magical moment. I felt tired and weak, but elated at the same time. Months of training in Cambodia alone had been for this moment. It was surreal. I had visualized it many times in training, and it was finally here. I made it!

~ J-Dub

Note on Self-Reliance

I live at a place where I don't have to do my own laundry, cook for myself, or clean my room. I can't help but wonder whether having cooks, cleaners, wait staff, and all the others weakens the spirit of self reliance. Does the effort and time saved by these assistants surpass the countless headaches caused by them?

~ J-Dub

So What is it Like to Live in Thailand?

Crazy things have happened to J-Dub and Bear while in Thailand that probably shouldn't be written on this blog. So rather than write about them, we'd like to share with you the dudes who own The Big Mango, a bar in a red-light district of Bangkok. While the Cali Thais' actions do not necessarily resemble anything they talk about, it gives another side of BKK that plays a small part of what it is like to live in Thailand. We give you:

The Big Mango Blog

From Weird to Normal

After living in a foreign country for a couple years, the things that were surprising, weird, odd, and funny at first tend to become more and more normal. I really should do a 'you know you've been in Asia too long when...' but a post like that must be really funny and I can never remember all the good ones when I sit down to write. Damn.

Nonetheless, I do have one story about getting a massage in the bathroom of a Cambodian Club while trying to take a piss. Now a whole post could also be written about the club scene in Cambodia. It tends only to be fun if it's your first experience or if you're too drunk to notice the ear-bleeding volume levels, the epilepsy-inducing neon lights, the pre-teen looking crowd, and the stank of cheap cigarettes.

Last night was neither my first time nor was I really drunk, but I managed to have a lot of fun. When I had to go to the bathroom I was reminded of the first time I went to the bathroom in a Cambodian club. I asked my cuz where the bathroom was and he told me.

Then he said, "Oh yeah, don't be surprised if someone massages you while you're in there."

J-Dub, "What?!?"

Cuz smiles.

Before I finish the story of getting my first massage while taking a piss, I have to re-tell a joke a Cambodian named Sela just told me. It goes like this:

A rich man is at a beer garden. The waiter gives him the menu and very politely tells him what he recommends to eat. The rich becomes angry because the waiter is so polite and yells at him. He tells the waiter to bend over and then slaps the man across the face.

The waiter leaves, and comes back a few minutes later. Knowing that the rich man will get angry if he talks politely, he asks the man what he wants to eat in a very impolite way. The rich man becomes angry again because the waiter talks to him impolitely. He tells the waiter to bend over and slaps him again due to his attitude.

The waiter leaves and is now very mad. He decides to pee into the man's beer so he fills up the bottle with his urine. Then he goes back to the table and serves the rich man his beer. Before the man drinks it, he asks the waiter which year he was born. The waiter tells the man. They are the same age, so the rich man hits his hand on the table, and tells the waiter they are now friends. So he tells the waiter to drink with him. The waiter joins the man at the table. They raise their glasses to drink, and only the waiter drinks his own urine as the rich man asks him where he was born. After drinking half the glass, the waiter tells him. They are from the same town. So the rich man hits his hand on the table again, and says they must drink again. When they go to drink, the waiter drinks all his urine, but the rich man doesn't drink anything....

End of joke.

Back to the massage thing. So as I head to the bathroom, everything appears normal and innocuous. So I head to the troff and relieve myself. Before I get things started, a Cambodian comes up right behind me in some ninja type stealth. As every man knows having some dude standing right behind you while you're trying to get things started is terribly distracting. And it wasn't like he was waiting for an empty urinal, because I was the only horse at the troff.

So I continue my business trying to think of baseball, and not the dude giving me a massage. Having recently arrived from SF, I was a bit apprehensive about it. But I manage to finish, and when I was zipped up, the dude grabs my chin and top of head. He yanks it at a diagonal direction wrenching at least three vertebrae in my neck. Then in the opposite direction. It was amazing how dangerous it was, yet how great it was. Then I was led to the sink where a hot towel was waiting. All this service was well worth the suggested gratuity of fifty cents.

Fortunately, I had some forewarning about having a dude approaching so I didn't hit him when he started to massage my shoulders. Now I have to say, it was very weird at first. While the Khmers must be some of the least homophobic people, I didn't know that at the time. I just thought it was super gay. But after seeing hella dudes getting massages while taking a piss, it's now just kinda normal. Funny to think that this happened two years ago, and what's more weird isn't the massage itself, but how normal it is now.

~ J-Dub

J-Dub Stays in Asia

J-Dub loves Asia and is staying longer. He is now living full-time in Cambodia.

He is going to miss Bear Bear, who is going back to live in US and will probably make three times the bones he makes right now. Like PETE in a Jo-Tel-all-over-the-map kind of way, we all hope he will continue to post on the Cali Thais blog even though he won't be in Asia, since only his posts get comments.

Three Things to Survive

Up until a generation ago, in South East Asia there was a saying. “There are only three things you need to survive: land, a cow, and water.” Having all these things meant villagers could work their land, produce a crop, and provide for their families.

As the growth of globalization now reaches villagers in some of the most remote areas, this saying has mutated to reflect the changes of time, causing an alteration in two of the three aforementioned necessities. The motorbike has replaced the cow, and the TV has replaced water (or at least the need for clean water, anyway).

The motorbike not only provides better transportation than a cow, but it is also more reliable. It can be used to find employment in the cities, and perhaps more importantly, it is a status symbol for the up and coming generation. The motorbike as a sign of wealth is clearly evidenced by young boys, sometimes three on a bike, driving slowly and aimlessly around town on their shiny new motorbikes. Where are they going? Who knows? They probably are doing what the Cambodians call darling, driving around town looking for fun. A sight none too different from the average character on BET glorifying the notion of sittin’ sideways in a cherry low-low.

While the motorbike switch makes sense, the fact that TV has replaced the desire for clean water shouldn’t baffle one either. Rather it should illustrate the priorities of the villagers.

Imagine you decide to go camping, and in the haste of your decision you are in such a hurry that you just get in the car and drive. Then imagine driving into a hot and tropical land amid a milieu of rice fields far from any semblance of a town or city. For the sake of this exercise you then sell your car to buy a hectare of land with a bamboo hut on stilts and now have $100 left. You need water so you decide to dig a hole and water starts to collect. Soon the water turns brown because there is nothing to protect the hole from the elements, and mosquitoes make it their new home.

What would you do with that $100 (and had no other options) - Would you use that money to buy a TV, or buy a water well?

These are the decisions that villages are forced to make on a regular basis, and often villagers chose the TV. Even in remote villages with no electricity, villagers watch their favorite soap operas with the help of used car batteries that are jimmy rigged to the appliance’s cord. To a certain extent, it makes sense. It would be damn boring living in the countryside. While it’s great to go camping for a week, I don’t know about having to do it all the time.

It’s true that some villagers do not understand all the principles of hygiene, sanitation, and health standards so education is a factor contributing to choice of purchasing a TV over the water well. Yet, villagers need a conspicuous and direct cause and effect relationship. If they drink from the pit 10 times and don’t get sick, how can you tell them that when they are sick, it is from the dirty water?

Nevertheless, all villagers would love to have a water well that gives them clean water. One reason is that it tastes better. Another is the water looks cleaner when it comes from a well. There is a belief that if you drink brown water from a pit, your skin will become darker. But water from a well is clearer, and thus your skin will become whiter. Seems logical, yeah?

So while many can’t save up enough money to buy a well, there are many villagers who do have the money, but choose to spend it on other things, like TV’s and motorbikes. Unfortunately health does not top villagers’ priorities until they get sick. So as globalization brings wonderful new technologies to even the most remote corners of the globe, villagers who make about $200 per year now face increasing desires that challenge their ubiquitous notions of what is needed.

~ J-Dub

Leaving the BKK

My time in Asia is coming to a close so it is time to give a recap of the last few weeks up to today...

It has been absolute madness finishing up the last few weeks in BKK. Had to interview, hire, then train our new staff as best I could in a very short amount of time, deal with all kinds of crazy legal issues because we got screwed by our formal "lawyer" who turned out not to be a lawyer at all, accounting B.S. with back-taxes like wild because of false legal/ accounting advice, find and move into a new office, and basically hand over all of the work, structure and systems I have created over the last 2 years... oh, and pack up our entire house.

So on the night before J-Dub and I departed for Cambodia, I was at the new office with my successor/staff going over last-minute details until midnight, raced home to start packing, packed until 4am, up again at 8am and left in a van around 11am. It's a really weird feeling to know that Bangkok is not my home anymore, that all of my life now exists in two duffle bags and a small box. That's it. As we left Bangkok for the first time in about three weeks I had the time to just sit and think, and it was a really strange sensation to recognize I'm gone from here - don't know when I'll be back... and that I have no idea where I'll be next.

Our drive to the border went fine. Then we had the process of packing ALL of the boxes (an absolutely huge quantity of stuff) onto a wooden cart and having two Cambodian boys push the cart through the border for us, stopping to wait while we checked out of Thailand and again while we got our visas to go into Cambodia. They were really nice kids, though we were quite wary at first. Part way through - between Thailand and Cambodia - some Cambodian Immigration officers stopped us and wanted us to pay them for the goods going through to Cambodia. J-Dub and I pointed out that they were IMMIGRATION (which deals with people), not CUSTOMS (which deals with goods). The guy finally said "up to you" and we said "in that case, bye, have a nice day" because we knew they had no authority to stop us. When we did reach the Customs, then we hit bigger trouble. They demanded a receipt for the towels (about 100 branded towels for our B&B) and that we pay them the fine. We said, ok, if you give us a receipt then we will pay the fine, so our business can see the receipt from the Customs Agents... of course they weren't going to give us any receipt because their demands were - well - not entirely "legal." Finally we negotiated from $100 US Dollars down to a $12.50 bribe. Still annoying, but what could we do?

See, I think that the city of Poipet (the Cambodian city just past the Thai/Cambodian border) gives Cambodia such a bad name, particularly among the Thais. The police are so corrupt and the poorest of the poor come to this area to beg from the toursits passing through and the Thais who go there to gamble and generally look down upon Cambodians (which in turn give Cambodians a bad view of what the average Thai is like). Everywhere else, the people are so nice, so gentle and so sweet. Poor and poorly educated, but generally really good people. Poipet is to Cambodia what a sphyncter is to a Supermodel - a shitty part of an otherwise beautiful thing.

Anyway, once across the border we got in two taxis with our staff, Narla, and began the incredibly bumpy ride to Siem Reap. It had rained really hard earlier in the day - so hard that the taxis had to drive up onto the bus station passenger waiting area so the passengers didn't have to wade through knee-deep chocolate-brown water to get into their Camry. Needless to say, the road was absolute shit for a while. What took about 3 hours just a month ago, now took about 5 hours, and was a miserable ride. In the end, we made it safely though.

Just two quick days here in Siem Reap that have flown by too quickly. I leave with The Jaw tomorrow afternoon for Luang Prabang to begin the guide training and meeting with our partner companies. From there, on to Vientiane, Hanoi, Hue, Hoian, Saigon, back to Bangkok, Chiang Mai, then down to Phuket for J-Dub's Marathon, then to Krabi for a few days, back in Bangkok for three days, then... back to the US. After that, I don't have a plan in the world... except maybe a long nap.

~Bear

How Good Are You Hopping?

(Click to Enlarge)

Seen in the countryside of Northwestern Cambodia. Sometimes graphic pictures are needed in places where many can not read, and children play with unexploded ordinances.

Poppin' Collars in Space

Courtesy of the Daily Mail

Silent Killings - Thailand's Tumultuous South

I'm often surprised by what makes the news, and maybe more importantly, what doesn't. For instance, today on the Headlines page of BBC World News, one of the more reputable mainstream news sources, caried this: "Scientists discover a mineral with the same chemical make-up as the fictional kryptonite seen in Superman." I'm not certian that references to a comic book-turned-movie are necessarily front page news, but I guess that's kinda cool. But there is much happening in our world that deserves a little more coverage than Superman's nemisis in mineral form.

What if I told you that there is a battle lead by Muslim extremists that has taken over 2,000 lives in the past two years? And what if I said this violence has included beheadings and mutilations, some caught on tape for the purpose of making a political statement? Or that the majority of killings were carried out with the use of home-made I.E.D.'s. Any guess where on the map this is taking place?

If you guessed Iraq, try heading east about 3,750 miles and you'll end up in Thailand. That's right - Southern Thailand is home to a growing battleground of terrorist violence, though much of the world has never heard a word about it. While the reasons behind the violence are varied and complex, it will suffice to say that the pridominately Muslim population in Southern Thailand is fighting back against the discrimination and poor treatment in an otherwise overwhelmingly Buddhist nation (surely an oversimplification of a complicated situation).

Upon closer examination of the violence, the statistics stand out as rather appalling. Nearly 3 people a day are killed in the three southern most provinces of Thailand. And the targets: most recent targets have been the elderly, school teachers, monks and passing pedestrians - all Buddhist, all civilians - purly for the purposes of terrorism. An average of over a 1,000 murders a year may not seem extreme - on par with LA County's comparable homicide rate according to 2002 statistics. Yet when comparing the size of the populations, the southern provinces have a murder rate that is over 5 times larger per capita than in good ol' LA County (complete with its gangs and violent reputation), and with all victims in the Thailand statistics are defined as 'civilian terrorism-related deaths'.

To drive the point home further, as of the end of March 2007, the War in Iraq had claimed 3,213 United States Soldiers' lives in the 4 years since the invasion. On average, fewer U.S. soldiers have died fighting in a war than have innocent Thai civilians in day-to-day life, yet where is the media coverage of this Jihad of the East? I am in no way belittling the loss of life of our Service Men and Women, but merely illustrating the extent of violence happening each day here in Southern Thailand while the rest of the world turns a blind eye.

~Bear

Like that Flock of Seagulls guy, I ran....

12 miles on Saturday. You wouldn't believe hot it is in Cambodia now.

Land Mine Cambodian Princess Barbie

Land mines are still a big problem in Cambodia, and raising awareness for the cause is a major issues for some organizations. Unfortunately the picture above marks one of the tasteless advertising campaigns invented to raise awareness for land mines - packaging Barbie dolls as beautiful Khmer princesses with a bloody stump for a leg.

According to the Adrants article:

"BBDO is behind this attempt to get Singaporean consumers to pay more attention to the plight of Cambodia, which happens to be deluged with land mines. The campaign includes a direct mail component in which company execs with children receive the doll (and others like it) at the office "since parents are the most vulnerable when it comes to kids," adds Madon. This is so they'll talk to other office folk about the grotesque gift."

In this case, the merit of intent holds to reason (to raise money), but the means of its procurement not only disrespects the beauty of Cambodian women, but also trivializes the face of true tragedy.

Take for instance this recent headline, "Girl Killed in Accidental Rocket Explosion." The young girl was cleaning an ancestral alter, when she found a curious object - an unexploded ordinance. Not knowing what it was, she started to play with it until it finally exploded killing her and wounding her brother and mother.

I wonder if Land Mine Cambodia Princess Barbie will really do anything to help the family that suffered this tragedy.

~ J-Dub

Stuck in Cambodia

I miss golf

The Heat

It is so hot in Cambodia right now. The humidity is terrible. Two showers a day just isn't enough. Getting out of the shower requires taking another shower. Being hot and sweaty and sticky makes it hard to get anything done.

~ J-Dub

Lessons Learned Managing People in Asia

Losing face in Asia slaughters the head of the prized pig. Telling someone they make a mistake can be tantamount to a complete cessation in dialogs between two parties. I have read much about this in books like "Culture Shock: Thailand", warning of the dangers when telling someone they fucked up, but this is much more difficult to handle in practice. The natural tendency is just to ream the person who is in the wrong. But doing this is not a good idea.

Whenever I fucked up as a kid, my father would never get really mad as much as show how disappointed he was at my behavior. This had a tremendous effect that I'm only recently starting to understand. It worked great. But in Asia, it doesn't.

I made the mistake of telling one of my teacher's that I was disappointed in him, when I made a surprise visit to his class to find no students. I called him in the morning so he knew I was coming, but why weren't the students there? Apparently they were busy cleaning their government school - a task that happens every so often - but I was a bit still perturbed. This was added to the fact that I was showing the school to some people who bought school supplies for the students, and it didn't look good that there were no students.

I kept my cool, but told him that I was a bit angry, and I didn't know if I believed his excuse. Shouldn't there have been at least a few students?

After that encounter, I haven't heard from the student in 2 months. He is unreachable and his classmates say that he is scared to talk to me now. This is good for neither him or me. I need him to help with our projects, and he needs to fulfill his commitment by helping in the community so he doesn't loose his much needed scholarship.

So I've learned a valuable lesson. In Asia, managing people should focus on encouragement, highlighting when people perform well, and offering suggestions to improve behavior.

~ J-Dub

At the Gym

Dude in speedo: Why do you wear the dress?

J-Dub: Excuse me?

Dude in speedo points to J-Dub's tank top.

Dude in speedo: Why do you wear the dress?

J-Dub: I wear the shirt because in America it is respectful to wear the shirt while exercising.

Dude in speedo: Ok! Ok! Yeah! Sorry!

Dude in speedo stops watching Chinese Cartoon and leaves. 2 other fat dudes in speedos enter the gym and start working out.

I really wish I signed up for a month membership at a different gym.

A Letter to all the Dudes at the Gym

Dear Fat Dudes Working Out in Speedos,

For the love of all things decent, can you please stop wearing speedos when you workout in a public gym. There is no justifiable reason to wear a speedo when working out. No on 'looks good' working out in a speedo. Even those body-builder dudes in the posters on the walls, whom perhaps you are failing to imitate, don't look good in speedos. The gym is isn't your own personal rec room, and we are not at the beach. Even David Hasselhoff would condemn how your undulating jiggle rolls when you lean over and grunt to pick up your 10 pound dumbbells.

Would it really kill you put on some shorts and a T-Shirt? After you leave the last piece of equipment, others have to use it, and wearing some extra clothes would prevent speedo-ass imprints on the equipment. You see, your speedo doesn't wick up 100% of the perspiration you expire, and frankly I don't like to use a bench knowing it was just abused by your speedo-ass.

I would also like to point out that the gym is a place to work out, and not your living room where you can lounge around and watch terrible Chinese soap operas at maximum volume. Could you please turn down the TV and start exercising your huge gut away? My iPod can only go so loud before my ears start to bleed bleed.

Thank you,

J-Dub

How to Make Money in Asia

1. Select a product that sells well.
2. Create a crappy name that vaguely describes said product, and change the name.
4. Sell said product for slightly cheaper than original product.
5. Do not include any information containing location of production or distribution.
6. Watch the money come pouring in.

J-Dub Goes Running -- Fuck-Off Cambodian Dogs

While running in Cambodia, I get to see a lot of the everyday life in the countryside. One thing that makes running difficult is the amount of fuck-off dogs. They are everywhere. Upon seeing a white boy running, they immediately begin to bark and sprint at me full speed, rabid teeth shining. The initial response can be terrifying, especially when it is unexpected and the canines come chasing from out of the wood work. But I learned to practice a local technique to ward them off - pretending to have a big rock in hand and throwing the imaginary rock at the dog. It works every time. The dogs back down instantly, and although they continue to bark, they stop the chase.

97% of Cambodians treat their dogs like shit. It's really quite sad. Little kids throw rocks at and kick their 'pet' dogs. Adults usually only care to keep their hounds fed well enough to barely muster up enough energy to bark and chase the white boy runner. Hell, Cambodians eat dogs (although they will deny it if you ask them). The canine is seen as very low animal in Cambodia. In fact, it is used as an insult to call someone a dog. I made that mistake when I said to my Cambodian friend Sina, "Thanks Big Dog," to which he replied,".... why you call me the dog?" Damn... That took a while to explain.

~ J-Dub

Taken from a Conversation

On the way back from the market in Cambodia.

Makara: "Why do you think the old man likes the young girl?"

J-Dub: "Hmmm.... Why do you think the old man likes the young girl?"

Makara: "Yeah, because the old man has the car, the big house, has lots of money, and has the good take care skill."

The Trouble with Innovation in Asia

There is a children's story told in Cambodia that extrapolates the innovative culture in Asia nicely. It goes something like this:

A coconut collector is taking shade from the mid-day sun in a palm tree. He looks over to his neighbor's land and thinks to himself, "If I hire a worker to help me to collect coconuts, together we can collect twice as many coconuts, and with the extra money, I can hire more workers to collect from my other neighbors' land. Then, I can hire even more workers, and eventually I could sit in the shade and would not have to work; I would only have to manage the other workers."

The entrepreneur then thinks to himself, "What will I do if I my workers become lazy?" He thinks to himself, "I know I will kick them!"

Just then, being so deep in thought, he kicks the air pretending to kick his imaginary worker, and he falls from the tree. On his way down, he grabs hold of a branch.

Dangling from the tree, he yells to his four brothers. The brothers run fast and see their brother in distress. They tell him to let go and fall into a pile of rice husks below.

"No, that will hurt," says the coconut collector, "Tie the four corners of your kromas [FN1] together and hold it tight to make a net to catch me."

So the four brothers follow his orders, and their lone brother drops from the tree. When he falls into the kromas, his weight brings all five of the brothers heads together and they all die.

The moral of the story is: "Don't think for yourself; Just do your job."

~ J-Dub

[FN1] A kroma is a multi-purpose piece of fabric used in Cambodia.

Corruption in Cambodia

So I have to get a extension visa to work in Cambodia for the next year. The official rate for an extension is $150 to do it myself (i.e. go to the Ministry of Labor Department, fill out paperwork, pay the fees, etc.) But the 'official rate' is much different from the actual cost. See, if you don't mind waiting 4 weeks to get your passport back, going to the Department multiple times because of 'errors', you still only might be able to pull off the 'official rate'. But most likely, you'll have to put some money on top of the application to get it back in proper shape. So I'm going with the other alternative - to go through an agent at a cost of $275. Where does this extra money go? You guessed it - to the guy at top of the totem pole in Phnom Penh's Ministry of Labor Department. I am so used to dealing with corruption now it is a bit ridiculous. While I understand it's a part of every developing country, Cambodia's corruption problem looks never ending.

Here is a fun game dealing with corruption in Cambodia:

http://www.talesofasia.com/cambodia-corruption.htm

~ J-Dub

Visit Burma

Burma (Myanmar) is damn awesome. Bear and J-Dub visited the junta-controlled country last month and loved it. The Burmese, unlike the descriptions of the Thai who refer to the Burmese as snakes [FN1], are fun, intelligent, and warm people. And the avocados are the size of human infants and taste amazing with a little added salt and a lime.

Nevertheless, I've never been to a country so backwards. No ATM machines anywhere, no credit cards are accepted. The most modern cars are from the early 1990's [FN 2]. Unlike the rest of Southeast Asia, your average Burmese doesn't have a cell phone, because a SIM card costs $2,500. They still use telegrams. Telegrams.

I'll try to post more about Burma later, but probably won't have time. So just check out:

PICTURES FROM OUR TRIP

[FN1] Scene: Thai guide, J-Dub, B sitting at a table.

Thai Guide: 'I don't want to say anything bad about the Burmese, but they are like snakes. Always go like this.'

Thai Guide uses her right hand to imitate a slithering snake.
B and J-Dub: 'Wow'

[FN2] A used 1990 Toyota Corolla with 200,000 miles costs $30,000. WTF?

Golfing in Hua Hin

Hua Hin, the beach resort three hours south of Bangkok, has some amazing golf courses, and I was fortunate enough to play at the Royal Hua Hin Golf Course on Sunday. Although my caddie wasn't cute and couldn't read the greens very well, I still had a great time. I even saw a monkey on the course.

~ J-Dub

A Mugging in Bangkok

Lately there have been an increase in reports of muggings and kidnappings in Bangkok. Your very own correspondent was recently a victim of such brutality at the hands of the infamous "Beer Monster," pictured at left.

My tramatic experience is outlined below. I was:

• Held against my will
• Wasn't allowed to eat food
  
• Instead, forced to drink excessively
• Humiliated by being forced to dance in public
  
• Brain washed to believe that certain members of the opposite sex were more attractive and interesting than reality would prove
• Had my sleep stollen from me
• Had a pounding head ache the next day - leading me to believe I was also physically beaten as well
  
• Had large sums of money stollen from my wallet without my knowledge
  

If you've experienced some or all of these, then you too may have been a victim of the Beer Monster. I hope that this will serve as a reminder to all of us the importance of being vigilant after the sun goes down, as the Beer Monster can strike anywhere, any time.

~Bear

Question of the Day

Making international headlines, a Cambodian woman recently re-emerged from the jungle after 19 years of living in the wild. While there are suspicious details surrounding the story, it brings us to the question of the day:

When is a feral child no longer considered feral?

http://www.feralchildren.com/en/index.php

Yes, there is a website about feral children; we forgive you if you laugh a lot while visiting it.

A Skype Conversation in Asia

Note: Real names have been replaced with the Greek alphabet.

Warning: The following contains inter-species erotica and many, many, many, insensitivities that are funny as hell.

Part I --- Elphants rob a truck in Northern Thailand and the story of THE dog reemerges.

Alpha : Listen to this...

Alpha : Elephants stop, loot trucks on dark road

Chachoengsao _ The chief of Khao Ang Rue Nai wants the road through the wildlife sanctuary closed at night after a herd of elephants held up and looted a string of cargo trucks. About midnight last Saturday a herd of 20 elephants blocked route No.3259 (the Ban Nong Kog-Ban Wang Nam Phon road) holding up 10 trucks, Yoo Senatham said.

They tipped some vehicles on their side, spilling the cargoes on the road so their young could eat, and gorged on sugarcane and tapioca.

Beta : awesome

Alpha : Somebody then posted a pencil sketch of an elephant and said it was a police sketch of the suspects... pretty funny

Gamma : when animals attack 3

Beta : they didn't attack, they were just hundry

Alpha : then someone else that any moment the generals here are going to come on TV and say that THAKSIN was behind it

Beta : can you imagine all the Thais yelling and then getting tipped over...priceless

Beta : :)

Gamma : that is so funny, we are all laughing

Alpha : Q: What do you do when an elephant holds you up in the middle of the night?

A: Anything he wants.

Beta : now I am thinking about Alpha and the dog [FN1]...man animals are funny

Alpha : alpha and the dog? what dog?

Beta : oh...THE dog [see FN1]

Alpha : did I get really drunk one night and do something I shouldn't have?

Gamma : no the dog and the snow

Beta : if that dog had had a ruphie [FN2] alpha would be a different man today

Gamma : If I get old and loose my mind the one image I hope to never loose is Alpha and the dog

Alpha : oh, me getting molested by that black dog from Satan's kennel?

Gamma : if Alpha had the ruphie

Beta : yes, if the dog had been able to get a ruphie in Alphas mouth...wooee

Beta : damn it...not having opposable thumbs strikes again!

Gamma : do you keep a jar of peanutbutter next to your bed

Gamma : or does doing a girl doggy style make you break out in a cold sweat

Delta : We don't call it beastiality; we call it interspecies erotica

Alpha : god

Alpha : I don't know what peanut butter is all about...

Alpha : hey, even collies need a little lovin sometimes

Part II --- Old Thai ladies try to save a striped sweatered rat-dog from the jaws of a disgruntled and jealous mutt-dog

Alpha : on a totally different note about dogs: yesterday I suddenly heard women screaming like a ghost was trying to eat their baby. Instead, it was one of the mutt dogs biting onto Pi Meow's tiny dog's head. The big mutt was just sitting there wagging its tail with the entire head of the little one locked between its teeth.

Beta : I shouldn't be, but I'm laughing

Delta : you don't understand Thai culture

Gamma : so I am, out loud

Beta : is the doggy dead?

Alpha : yes, it actually was pretty funny

Gamma : I hope not otherwise I will feel bad for not stoping my laughter

Beta : oh man I wish I could hear Delta say that!

Gamma : yes it is dead?, I am still laughing

Beta : what did you do?

Alpha : it wasn't really hurting the little dog, but I think Pi Meow grabbing the little dog by its hind legs and pulling as hard as she could didn't help

Beta : did you hump the big dog to distract it!?!?!

Beta : revenge is sweet!

Beta : take that big dogs of the worls

Alpha : no, I just stared out the window in total disbelief

Alpha : I think all the gathering Thai Women's screams paralized me into inaction

Beta : you should have shot it

Alpha : it was an orchestra of shrill screams in unison... I think my ears were bleeding

Alpha : yes, but the gun is a little broken now, so the shots don't go very straight. I definately would have hit one of the ladies... which would have been ok too I guess

Gamma : You could have proved that guns in homes save lives but now I still hold my belief they are only a danger and never make you safer

Beta : Epsilon shot his neighbors dog and now they are suing him

Beta : so did the dog live?

Alpha : picture this, two thai ladies pulling two dogs apart by their hind legs screaming like bhanchies, with neighbors from all sides running over in their mumu's and curlers, and a white guy shooting the old ladies.

Delta : "an orchestra of shrill screams in unison" - the band from the Pink party Alpha went to last night

Alpha : yes, I think the dog was fine, but scared shitless. it didn't make it bleed I don't think. It just locked its jaws around the tiny skull of the rat-dog

Delta : they are rat-dogs

Alpha : and get this, the little dog was wearing a striped sweater.

Delta : !?!

Delta : ha ha ha!!!

Delta : you don't understand thai culture

Gamma : that makes it so much better

Gamma : the naked dog ate the clothed dog

Gamma : a dog in a blanket

Alpha : I just thought that was priceless. The mutt was just reminding the little one that gets to roam inside the house not to be such a pompus little prick

Gamma : maybe the dog thought it was a candycane

Beta : maybe it's like the mean kids that mug other kids in the subway for their shoes...

Beta : he wanted the sweater

Alpha : haha

Gamma : sweaters are to thai dog what air jordans were to blacks

Gamma : Alpha, did you put a sweater on you little guy today in hopes it would end up in a mutts mouth

Gamma : sick bastard

Alpha : that's just fowl.

Alpha : yes

Gamma : and at the end of all this the whole neighborhood looked up and saw there strange pasty white neighbor staring down like the creapy strange neighbor whose house always smells funny

Alpha : haha

Gamma : not a word or reaction

Alpha : funny but true

Gamma : just a stare

Alpha : then just recedes back into the shadows

Gamma : thats the guy

Gamma : so funny

Gamma : this morning just got alot better, thanks Alpha

Gamma : and it all started with a robbery

Alpha : glad I could help

[FN1] THE Dog refers to the time when Alpha was in 3rd grade walking home on a particularly snowy day. Alpha was about to reach his home. Suddenly the neighbor's dog pounced like a savage beast and knocked Alpha to the ground. THE dog was a big, big dog and proceeded to fornicate Alpha, whom heavily clothed in a winter attire had limited mobility to fend off the hungry dog. Despite the crys for help, many witnesses could only laugh.

[FN2] Alpha clamied he was 'ruphied' at a full moon party.... It was later confirmed he was just really drunk.

Cambodia Gets a Bad Rep

If you ask most Americans what they know about Cambodia, you might get any of the following responses; "Isn't that where Angelina Jolie's kid is from?" to ""Isn't that where Angkor Wat is?" to "That's the country next to Nigeria" or if you're really talking to someone who has a clue; "That's where Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge got away with genocide" - but the latter comes up far less than references to Tomb Raider. Generally speaking, those who have a slight inkling about the country's existance will not speak favorably or negatively about this poverty-stricken place, because frankly they don't know enough to pass judgement.

If you should ask the same question to a Thai, their knowledge of its history or culture will be similarly hazy, despite how much of Thai culture came from the Ancient Khmer civilization, yet they will (9 out of 10 times) present a scowl on their face and start rattling off how terrible the Cambodian people are and how they look down on them. Even mention that you know a few Cambodian words, and you'll get a funny look (not funny ha ha, but funny 'you dirty emposter dressed in a white person's skin!). The Thai will undoubtably tell you about how the Cambodians are liars, beggars and thiefs. Not a one can be trusted. They will tell you how ALL of the beggars in Thailand are really just poor Cambodians who illegally came into their country to get a hand out.

Personally knowing a very different side of the Cambodian people, I've tested this claim on several occasions, because the beggars I see typically look Thai to my untrained eye. I've attempted, sometimes with some of my Thai friends within ear shot, saying hello to some of these dirty Cambodian beggars in Khmer... only to be met with a look of confusion. Then shift my language-set over to Thai, and each and every time I get a smile of understanding and a request for money from this THAI beggar. My friends then show a little shame and guilt for their unfounded biggotted comments about the Cambodians.

A huge part of the problem stems from Thais experience at a city on the Cambodian/Thai border called Poipet - the sweaty crotch of South East Asia. The commonalities between the name Poipet and "Toilet" extend beyond mere syllables. This extremely poverished town is filled with Casinos just past the Thai border that wealthy (and not-so-wealthy) Thais flock to by the hundreds if not thousands, because gambling is illegal in Thailand. The come and flash their money around and parade around on their high horses infront of the Cambodians, the whole time looking down their noses at their Khmer neighbors. And with this influx of money from the Thai side, comes a flow of impoverished Cambodians just looking to get a piece of the action that seemingly comes so easily to the Thais. The unfortunate outcome is that the Thais who escape their country for a weekend of sin and endulgence to throw away their money, are met by the poorest of Cambodians with fewer skills or opportunities just looking for a way to catch some of that cash, legitimately or otherwise. Thus an unfair judgement is passed upon all Cambodians because a few bad apples, by the Thais who act like spoiled high school graduates on a binge graduation trip to Cancun [not to pass any judgement or anything...].

As much as I don't like Poipet and the state of the unimaginably poor children with tiny dirty hands extended in the hopes of receiving something shiny, or the rampant scams that happen to tourists and Thais who wander about clulessly, it is no fair representation of the great country of Cambodia, or the incredibly warm-hearted people who reside elsewhere in it. Yet as dispicable as that town is, as I sat for a few minutes in the shade to eat my peanut butter and jelly, I found myself instantly in the company of five smiling faces who wanted nothing more than to practice their English skills and joke with me. And as I walked back through No-Man's-Land, passing tacky Thai casinos headed towards Thailand, I thought about how much I enjoy the Cambodians' friendly demeanor and big, easy smiles... and how little I looked forward to my 5 hour bus ride home.
~Bear

Decision to Stay

After an arduous internal debate weighing the pros and cons and seeking advice from friends and family, I have decided to stay in Asia for another year. In making the decision, I followed the PUMA's advice of taking a blank sheet of paper, drawing a line down the middle, and jotting down all the reasons to go on the right and reasons to stay on the left.

There were many reasons in both categories, and ultimately, it came down to the opportunity to make something big out of the nonprofit. It is just too amazing of an opportunity not to make a big go of it.

Interestingly, fear played a part of the decision as well. It was the fear of looking back and wishing I had done more with the given opportunity. I am terrified of leaving now and in 5 years looking back and saying to myself, 'I should have stayed that extra year and made something that was great into something that was excellent.'

Perhaps the notion of looking back at our previous selves and wishing we had tried harder is not common to everyone, but I definitely have it. Looking back at university, I had a great time and did pretty well in all my classes. However, I always think I should have done things better (i.e. read more, started papers earlier, attended every class, etc.) Lacrosse is the same. I know I had a great career, but looking back I always think I should have been better (i.e. a harder left handed shot, gone after more ground balls in games, etc.)

While it may not be healthy to chastise ourselves for not doing things differently in the past, I think we should all strive for excellence in our present lives.

So my decision to stay comes with this recognition of my own fear and also the quest for excellence for the upcoming year. In doing so, I have set a few goals. First, I have started to train for a marathon in Phuket on June 17th. Second, I have decided to teach reading comprehension courses to Cambodians in my free time. On Monday, I start Robinson Crusoe with my first group of students. And third, I have started to set big but achievable goals for the nonprofit so that when those goals are reached, I can look back and be content with my efforts.

I hope you will find excellence in your life in the upcoming year as well.

Happy New Year,

J-Dub

Letter to Lou

Fabulous letter to CNN's protectionist-in-chief from George Mason economist Don Boudreaux... [courtesy of Larry Kudlow]

Dear Mr. Dobbs,

Congratulations on having a large new bloc of voters bear your name! Politicians ignore the "Lou Dobbs Democrats" at their peril.

Every night on CNN you claim to speak for these people. They are America's middle class: decent folks who work hard and play by the rules but who, you insist, are abused by the powerful elite. Free trade is one of the policies allegedly supported by the elite and for which you reserve special vitriol. You thunder that imports destroy American jobs, reduce wages, and make the economy perilously "unbalanced."

But you are mistaken.

First, some basic facts about the state of middle-class Americans. The US unemployment rate now is at a healthy 4.5 percent. This rate is lower than the average annual unemployment rate for the 1970s (6.2 percent), the 1980s (7.3 percent), and even the high-growth 1990s (5.6 percent). Inflation, meanwhile, is running below the average for the 70s, 80s, and 90s.

Here's more good news for ordinary Americans. The percentage of Americans who own their own homes is higher than ever, even though the size of today's typical home is larger than ever. Workers' leisure time, too, is at historically high levels. And jobs are just as secure today as they were in the late 1960s, according to a research paper by University of California-Davis economist Ann Huff Stevens.

Perhaps you think that this prosperity exists only because so many of today's households require two income earners. But women started leaving homes for paid employment at least a century ago, with no jump since the end of World War II in the rate at which women enter the workforce, according to a recent report by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Had worker pay truly deteriorated in the past 30 years, and had families reacted by sending moms to the workforce, the rate at which women join the workforce would have increased. It did not.

Today, the percentage of household expenditures used to buy nonessential items is at an all-time high - about 50 percent compared with about 45 percent in the mid-1970s. That undercuts your notion that two incomes are needed just to scrape by. Not only is America's middle class not disappearing - it's thriving.

Perhaps you miss this fact because you are misled by familiar trade jargon. In your book, "Exporting America," in your columns, and on your television show you complain vigorously and often about America's trade deficit. You call it "staggering," and wonder how long America can continue to run such deficits.

Admittedly, the word "deficit" sounds ominous. In fact, though, America's trade deficit is evidence of its economic vigor and promise. Here's why:

When Americans buy foreign-made goods and services, foreigners earn dollars. The only way America would run no trade deficit is if foreigners spent all of these dollars buying goods and services from Americans. Instead, though, foreigners invest some of their dollars in America. They buy American corporate stock, they build their own factories and retail outlets in the US, they lend dollars to Uncle Sam, and they hold some dollars in reserve as cash.

Aren't you proud that so many people the world over eagerly invest their hard-earned wealth in America?

As an American, I'm proud and optimistic. Foreigners invest in the US so readily because its economy is so strong. And even better, these investments strengthen the economy by creating more capital for American workers. These investments raise workers' productivity and wages.

Remember: A trade deficit is not synonymous with debt.

I'm writing this letter on a new Sony computer that I bought with cash. I owe Sony nothing. If Sony holds the dollars it earned from this sale, or if it uses these dollars to buy stock in General Electric or land in Arizona - that is, as long as Sony invests its dollars in America in ways other than lending it to Americans - the US trade deficit rises without raising Americans' indebtedness.

Americans go more deeply into debt to foreigners only when Americans borrow money from foreigners. Uncle Sam, of course, borrows a lot of money, from both Americans and from non-Americans. I share your concern about the reckless spending and borrowing practiced by politicians in Washington.

Foreigners, however, are not to blame for this recklessness. Indeed, I'm grateful that foreigners stand ready to help us pay the cost of our overblown government. Fortunately, Washington's spending binges are not serious enough to cripple America's entrepreneurial economy. If they were, foreigners would refuse to invest here.

If you're still skeptical that America's trade deficit is no cause for concern, perhaps you'll be persuaded by Adam Smith, who wrote that "Nothing, however, can be more absurd than this whole doctrine of the balance of trade."

Smith correctly understood that with free trade, the economy becomes larger than any one nation - a fact that brings more human creativity, more savings, more capital, more specialization, more opportunity, more competition, and a higher standard of living to all those who can freely trade.

Sincerely,

Donald J. Boudreaux
Chairman, Department of Economics
George Mason University

Most Amazing Story of 2006

This story is like reading a script from a new Michael Mann film. The craziest thing is that it's not based on a true story, but it is actually a true story.

Maybe you heard about that Ferrari Enzo that crashed in the Malibu hills early in 2006 but no one could identify who was driving the car? Then the story disappeared. Maybe you heard about the Gizmondo? How it failed and then disappeared?

Well here is the story that connects the two with more twists and turns than a Destiney's Child's Music Video:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.10/gizmondo.html

~ J-Dub

J-Dub is a Godfather

Callie and Shrenut

Callie gives her brother a kiss.

J-Dub and his godson, little Couper

Wood you like something to drink?

A staff member was under the weather the other day. The signs of sickness were clearly evident on her face. It looked like she had worked three days straight without sleeping. But knowing how much the staff sleeps throughout the day, this was hardly the case. Probably a stomach flu.

So how do Cambodians relieve sickness? Honest to truthiness, by drinking boiled wood water. That is, pieces wood, bark, and root are boiled in water and then strained leaving the remaining hot liquid ready to drink.

I only noticed this because with each sip of the drink she was holding, Kai-O would squinch her face contorting every muscle so that there was no question that it tasted terrible. So I smelled it. It smelled like wood. I didn't drink it because it smelled like wood and I don't drink wood.

Through translation, I learned that it is customary for Cambodians to drink boiled water in wood to feel better. All I can say is, "Wow."

~ J-Dub

The ReMan Control

Although Apple is usually not cool, it did do the lyrics thing right

(see below)

Sick iPod Plug-in

I had a thought of innovative genius last night. The kind of idea that seperates people with ideas from people who don't have ideas. It's a new plugin for your iPod. I don't know if it exists but would love to know if it does.

Just imagine listening to your favorite song on your iPod, but getting to that place in the song where you can't decipher the lyrics. What did he/she/they just say? No problem, let me check right on my iPod.

It could be simple as downloading a free iLyrics plug-in for your iPod which could be installed in iTunes. This program would add a cruital element to song play: it would allow the user to click the middle button on the click wheel to the lyrics page, and in Karaoke-like fashion, produce the song's lyrics while the song was playing.

Example playing any Radiohead song:

- Click once: ability to raise and lower volume of song
- Click twice: ability to scroll through song
- Click thrice: Cover art
- Click four times: ability to rate song
- Click five times: ability to read the lyrics of the song while the song is playing

Lyrics are abound on the internet. Why aren't they on your iPod?

~ J-Dub

Solitude in Siam

Since late October, Bangkok has been without its beloved J-Dubb. Thus Bear has been left to his own devices. Without his right-hand wing-man, Bear has gone out of his way to develop a second-tier of top guns to take on the ever thumping Bangkok night scene.

And thus the second and third members of what we shall call the Trio of Trouble arrived (the name still needs a little work). Ethan and Hesse became the go-to guys for grabbing some late night grub after work or getting totally shit-faced on a Saturday night. Banded together by our love for beer, impeccable ability of picking up girls, and our stunningly white skin - we quickly became great friends. Great friends who were irresistable to the ladies. Like catnip to kittens... it wasn't even fair.

Now this may seem like a simple task - making friends with cool western dudes because you share a common background in a foreign land, but you'd be a fool to think this... a dirty, dirty fool. You see, there are not many younger western guys here, and even fewer who aren't a little nutty and into the seedier side of what a white guy can find in this part of the world. Furthermore, one would be hard-pressed to find a group of any such strapping lads as we three. So luck was on our sides, each and every weekend.

But alas, from three we are two, and soon to be one. Sir Ethan returned to the States after losing the race against the clock to secure a non-tourist visa. And Hesse will quit his job here to return to his studies next week. So where does this leave Bear, you ask? In a strange state of solitude.

You see, Bangkok is a massive sprawling metropolis of over 12 million people, hustling and bustling at all hours of the day and night. Yet, somehow it is totally possible to feel like you are in a bubble, floating through but not really existing in this forest of concrete, steel and glass. Nothing helps to alienate someone more than not having a good grasp on the spoken language, and having no understanding at all of the written one. And as we've covered in the past, the cultural differences are vast, beyond vast. It is easy for Bear to pass several days without leaving his home and office or speaking to anyone except over the telephone for work. Thus Siam has become surreal - so many people yet so few familiar faces. Time to seek out the new peeps...

At long last...
~Bear

Oh Sweet Mekong, What Makes You so Sweet?

Young kids paddling as they make their morning
trip up a tributary leading to the Kong Lo Caves in Laos.

Pictures are here!

A month down the Mekong River starting in China and passing through Burma, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and finishing in the Mekong Delta in Vietnam.

What a trip. Check it:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/87831193@N00/sets/72157594411802977/

Book Recommendation

Mark Steyn's "America Alone"

Christmas in Cambodia

Bear, J-Dub, and the Jaw will be re-united in Cambodia for Christmas. It is roughly 90 degrees, humid as hell, and feels nothing like the holidays.

The folks, friends, and family are all back home. There are no green and red tassel hanging on the street lights. For that matter, there are only 29 street lights in all of Cambodia.

95% of Cambodia is Buddhist so finding Midnight Mass will be a struggle (but maybe possible?).

Finding a Christmas Tree will be equally difficult.

We're still having a Christmas Party. Screw it.

A Feel Good Day

Last Monday was one of those feel good days. I was checking on some of my scholars who were teaching young poor students at one of our free language schools. When I came in, the kids at class all started smiling, and on queue they stood up and said good afternoon. The teacher had an equally big smile on his face as he wasn't expecting to see me.

To see all the students diligently writing in their notebooks made me smile. It's was contagious. All these students were there because they want a better future and realize that education is key. I felt honored and touched to be able to help.

After the class I went with the scholar to pay for his year at university. (Money from a donor, not out of my own pocket.) The rector at the university said since he was chosen for the scholarship, he has seen a tremendous improvement in his attitude, studies, and dreams for the future. It was a great moment.

TV in Cambodia

The Good:

- Fashion TV - 24 hours of runway models sporting basically nothing. Midnight Hot is not about the weather. Check out the website: www.ftv.com
- It's stolen from Thailand which means the service provider doesn't pay royalties and it's $5 per month plus an extra $1 for every additional TV.
- The Random Movie Station - Some guy in Phnom Penh controls a DVD player and plays movies at random all day. Sometimes when he gets too drunk or falls asleep, the screen will just say, "Sony DVD Player - Please Insert Disc." Also doubles as a pre-screening channel for movies that haven't been released in theaters.
- HBO

The Bad:

- MTV Asia - Better than MTV in the States because it actually plays music, but terrible because it's all sad love songs in Chinese and Thai.
- No Comedy Central
- No PBS

A Standard Greeting

The other day I found myself in an uncomfortable situation. I was saying goodbye to a family friend that I didn't know really well, but well enough and came upon that odd moment of "what do I do to say goodbye". Go with the modest handshake? The fraternal hug? The bold single kiss on the cheek? Or the even bolder double kiss on the cheeck?

There should be some sort of generic, standardized greeting between male/female who know each other well, but not very well. The greeting should be inclusive but not overwhelming and should aim to prevent all the multitude of uncomfortable situations which result when, for example, one person extends a handshake while the other goes in for the hug. The shaker is demoralized by the hugger. Has the hugger been too bold? But is this less so than if the shaker had gone in for the kiss to match the hugger's hug?

The kiss on the cheeck can throw everything off and make things too complicated. Too many questions are raised when one member offers a cheeck. Do you actually kiss the cheeck? Do you lean in and pretend to kiss while making that fake kissing noise? One or two cheecks? That the Europeans can do this with such ease makes me want to take ball room dancing and tango lessons. [FN1]

I reckon if there should not be a standard greeting called the 'shugress'. It's the shake, hug, kiss all wrapped up into one. It covers all the bases. It's a fluid movement starting with the simple handshake. With hands connected the two people move toward eacher other and do a one handed hug with the free arm while moving in closer to the other person for a single fake kiss on the cheeck. Simple and straightforward as that.

Just imagine the world with the shugress. Free from the incombrences of awkward situations, people could say goodbye to one another with the confidence of, 'yeah, that was a good shugress, I'll see you soon.'

Maybe I can convince Johnny D to do some 3D renderings of the shugress....

~ J-Dub

[FN1] Unless your Al Pacino in Sent of a Woman, ball room dancing and tango is for sissies.

Saturday Night

J-Dub will be out of contact for a month as he leaves this Saturday to sail down the Mekong. Knowing that he will probably be out of options for partying, this last Saturday Bear, Ethan, John and J-Dub went out to Polly's Bar which was having an Indie night. J-Dub and Bear like most Indie bands, and frankly it is a nice break from the normal house/techno/bad jungle crap they play at most of the 'cutting edge' clubs in BKK. The pics should speak for themselves.

Engrish Text Messages

J-Dub has received some doozie text messages recently from a few girls.

"Dear John, how r u? what r u doing? Have hard work? Don't forget takecare ur & be careful always.Since i at Robinson with Kie. I want u been there with me. But i know u'v job. It'ok. Hope we can together next time. I miss u much. I know have not longtime 4we meet again bcoz,u must working travel around 2month.I hope u'll not forget me.I really want u can stay beside me & can spend time with me on 17Nov my birthday.Umm,But u'v job.I sadly 4that.How can do?Or only..."

...linked text...

"i get dream 4 that,4our time on my birthday.! I miss u so.!"

Shooting Guns to Save Hospitals

How about this for a nonprofit fundraiser - fire a few rounds of class 3 weapons (i.e. assault weapons) and the proceeds will go to charity!

- The Nonprofit Quarterly weighs in on the article here.

The Platapus is Forced to Retreat to Back to Her Semi-Aquatic Habitat

Pictured above is the Platapus beside Barrett's now ex-girlfriend. From day one I was telling Bear this girl was trouble, and ultimately her slip about stealing his sperm led to her demise.

I started calling this girl the platatus when I noticed that every time she didn't understand something in English, she would pucker up her lips to such an amazing resemblence to a platapus that the name was born. Add that to the fact that she misunderstood just about everything I said, and wow - you've got a nick-name that sticks almost as well as the PUMA.

I want to make this point clear - this tale is not just a humorous anecdote but it also serves as an archetype example of just how crazy Thai girls are.

I'm just glad Bear escaped unscathed. Good for you Bear.

~ J-dub

Break It Off Like a Kit-Kat...

Tonight I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. Sure, there are upsides like she enjoys being a Sugar Mama, usually fun to hang out with and her "Engrish" is pretty good. But I think you'll find my reasons are more than justified:

1)She's crazy (most Asian girls are to some degree)
2) She said something utterly unacceptable:

"Bear, when you leave to go back to America, I want you to give me your sperm for a baby." [Awkward Silence] "It will be so cute."

-Ok, so maybe it was a joke that got lost a little in translation. I followed up with a gentle "Not a chance in Hell," to which she replied:

"Ok, I'll get you really drunk and steal your sperm."

[Very Awkward Silence]

That wasn't merely the straw that broke the camel's back... that was the 1/2 ton steel I-beam that crushed the camel to smithereens.

Bye-Bye crazy Thai girl...

Comments welcome.

~Bear

Phases of Faces

As J-Dubb kicks it in Cali, Bear is left to his own devices. And this being the case, he finds ways to amuse himself, and befuddle his ever-curious neighbors...

Allow me to take a step back. About a month ago, I decided that I should grow my hair out longer again, or grow a beard. The problem was I couldn't decide what to do, so I started down the path towards both. After a short while, I concluded I could grow my hair out at any point, but I wasn't likely to go through the unsightly stage that resides between stubble and beard anytime soon again. With this in my head, I went to the barber, and the beard kept growing.

Then, I quickly realized that long hair could have still be presentable and handsome, and facial hair... not. So, time to begin my project of chopping it down to size, one day at a time over the course of about one week.

It's amazing how facial hair can change the appearance of someone from bearded nature-lover, to punk cage fighter, to Latte-drinking suburbanite, to bad-ass red-neck, to Mad Dog. All in a day's work people, all in a day's work. The best was leaving my home each day and seeing the looks of perplextion on my nosy-neighbor's face.





Lesson learned: boredom leads to stupid things.

~Bear

I'm Going Going, Back Back, to Cali Cali

"Going back to Cali, strictly for the weather

Women, and the weed -- sticky green

No seeds bitch please

.....

If I got to choose a coast I got to choose the East

I live out there, so don't go there

But that don't mean a nigga can't rest in the West

See some nice breasts in the West

.....

Fuck your plan, is it to rock the Tri-State?

Almost gold, 5 G's at show gate

Or do you wanna see about seven digits

Fuck hoes exquisite, Cali, great place to visit

Smoke some nice sess in the West"

- Notorious BIG, Going Back to Cali

~ J-Dub heads back tonight!

The Coup in Thailand: Exclusive Pix

Click to Enlarge

Despite risking their lives to give you these exclusive photos, Bear and J-dub are alive and safe. On Tuesday evening, around 10 tanks were reported initiating a coup around the Grand Palace in Bankok. The Cali Thais learned of these reports via CNN with the breaking news headline, "Tanks in Bangkok."

Hopping in a Tuk Tuk, Bear rushed to the scene with his camera in hand. At the scene he found tanks in the middle of the road blocking traffic.

"When I got there there wasn't much going on. It's like a chess game more than anything else," says Bear.

It has been a peaceful coup so far, with the military demanding the removal of Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. Thaksin, a business man who has faced protests as well as corruption and abuse of power earlier this year, is out of the country.

The Cali Thais suspect that the coup will remain peaceful and Thaksin will step down. Yet there are still many uncertainties.

How will this affect short-term and long-term foreign investments? Will banks suspend giving loans? How will trade be affected? What will neighboring politicians think of a democratic state experiencing a coup? Will they strenghen their control in their own countries away from democracy? How will the Thias be able to trust their government?

Developing.

~ J-Dub

Craigs List: Part Humor, Part Torture

I have to tell this story, because Bear won't. It's a prank that one can only laugh about when said person is not the victim. In this case, Bear was the victim.

While depositing money in the bank today, Bear received the following text on his cell:

"Saw your post on craigs list. What's up? 21yo 5'11" 185 pic at http://******.jpg (little drunk in that pic) let's hang out or something."

"Craig's List? 5'11, 185 Wow! Either that's a big chick or that's a dude!" Bear thought. A few minutes later, he received this one:

"Hey Barrett, saw your ad and would love to chat. I'm a fellow american stationed here in Bangkok as well. I have a dinner tonight but could call afterwards, wanted to know if it was ok to call late? michael."

Turns out Bear has some friends in town who, two-weeks prior, revealed the Craig's List prank, where they used a friend's phone in a personals ad of men seeking men. Having ample time on their hands, they decided to make Bear the butt of the joke.

Here is the link in all it's glory: http://bangkok.craigslist.org/m4m/204470082.html

Just in case it gets pulled off, here it is: Hi, My name is Barrett and I just moved to Bangkok (the code) not to long ago from the United States. I'm feeling kind of lonely in this big city and am having a hard time meeting people who share the same interests as myself. Back in the US I had trouble "finding myself" (01) and opening up to others, but now that I'm here I think it's time to take the next step, open up to people, and experience new things. Ideally I'm looking for someone who is looking for a long term relationship and that I can share my thoughts and feelings with(258). I like going out but I'm also enjoy staying in and talking through the night. If your kind, considerate, and generally open to this kind of idea and relationship, decipher the code and give me a call, I can't wait to hear from you (4201). If I don't anwser right away leave me a message and I'll be sure to get in touch as soon as I can. Also, I'm about 6'1" (185cm) and 175lbs. (80kg), lean and fit, and I'm looking for someone who takes care of themselves. Talk to you soon, Beautiful and lonely in Bangkok, Barrett



My favorite part is "beautiful and lonely" with the picture (which was ironically taken by Bear himself when he was alone in the office. He was "testing" his new camera lens.)

~ J-Dub

No Owl but a Gun Will Do

The pigeon problem has intensified outside our office window. Luckily, we have a new pellet gun we use to snipe the unsuspecting rats of the sky. Until we erect a fake owl on the top our building, advanced weaponry is our only arsenal against the beasts. The training from the Cu-Chi Tunnels outside Saigon is now coming in handy.

~ J-Dub

Buzzword of the Day

The newest buzzword in the non-profit sector these days is 'philanthropy travel'. The good news is that the Journeys Within / Journeys Within Our Community partnership is on the forefront of this new phenomenon.

Check out the infant JWOC Volunteer Blog:

http://jwoc.blogspot.com

~ J-Dub

My Incredible Niece, Part I

First, I'd like to say that Callie is very appreciative of all the lovely gifts she received for her first birthday... and that those of you who didn't get around to it should probably make up for it next year, or Christmas... or both.

Yes, it's true. Little Callie Sita Ross is in fact 1 year old and we've all grown quite attached to the little one. Here are a couple pics from the big birthday bash about a month ago...

Here J-Dub and C enjoy a little birthday breakfast.


Later in the day, the good stuff comes out - cake and presents. Lots and lots of presents for a very little person. In fact, if I were the jeolous type of person, I think there were about 47 reasons to be jeolous, all wrapped up in clowns, balloons, flowers, puppies, and ribbons. But, lucky for Callie, I got over my love for Fisher Price toys a couple months ago.


As the cake got passed around, people let the sugar get to their heads. Here's a moment when Callie heard one of the grown-ups say a naughty word... guess we'll have to start being a little more careful.

With one year under her belt, we all can't wait to see what surprises she'll have for us!

~Bear

Three Tomatoes were walking down the street.... Catch Up!

Bear mowed the lawn today. This of importance because he chooses to mow the lawn himself instead of paying the 100 baht to hire a gardener once a week. J-dub gives a nod to Bear, but still thinks it's worth hiring a gardener.

J-Dub can kick a bag full of packed saw dust really hard now. Watch out for his jab high, low, low, upper, hook combo. Kick boxing is awesome.

Our five bananna trees still aren't producing fruit.

The movie Layer Cake is awesome.

J-Dub hate pigeons, or the rats of the sky as some refer to them, and we have loads who perch outside our office windows. Yesderday Bear bought a pellet gun (they go for 250 baht on the streets of BKK) to shoot said pigeons. Now Bear carries the pellet gun around with him everywhere he goes around the house.

Getting a ride back to our house late on Friday night from a club downtown, we told the taxi driver in Thai to drive us to our house on Chareon Krung Road, perhaps a 20 minute ride. After 40 minutes on the highway, we asked him again, and with a stunned look he said, "Ohhhh." We were headed to the new BKK airport in the opposite direction. So he turned around and headed back in the right direction. The total trip took an hour and a half. This has never happened before.

The fifth season of The Sopranos kicks ass.

The Economist also kicks ass.

Our tropical fish now have a new home inside our house. They were previously enjoying the heat on the sun-baked porch for two months.

Bear now has a power converter for his body hair trimmer. Now he no longer has to deal with braiding his mangroves of coconuts.

Bubba Brandon kicked the shit of a Thai guy in his second professional Cambodian kick boxing fight. We wish to learn the secrets of Bubba.

Our neighbor walked into our house unannounced, holding two plates of fried rice. This has happened about 6 times since we moved in.

Our neighbor forces us to let her do our laundry. She demands we give her our laundry, and she has her maid wash it and iron it. She refuses when we ask to pay for her services.

Tomorrow J-dub goes to Laos. Pray that all on Laos Airlines make a safe voyage.

~ J-Dub and Bear

It's good to be back

So for the past year, Bear and I have lived in Asia, where certain food items are difficult to find. So venturing to find proper Indian, European, American, and Mexican food takes a bit of effort. But when you need cheese, guacamole, sour cream, a greasy hamburger, whatever.... you will go great lengths to find it and pay just about anything for it.

Tonight was one of those nights. The fare was Mexican and the price was spendy. Damn good burrito, but talk about gauging - $9 with steak. And the tasty margaritas - $ don't ask.

I love Thai food, but thank goodness for metropolitan cities and the choices they offer.


~ J-Dub

Another Bonifide Ad

Believe it or not, these are all over Bangkok.

Back in Bangkok

After nearly a month in Cambodia, I'm finally back home in Bangkok. It's great to be back to a city that has things to do. I just found out, for instance, Michael Mann directed the new Miami Vice film - a fact of little worth when in Cambodia where International films are not screened.

Unfortunately, I got deathly ill on the 10 hour bus ride back. A bad bout with the runs and nausia has left me bed ridden. Who knows the genises of the culprit? Brushing my teeth with tap water? Contaminated food? Shaking hands with that old guy from the village? If the symptoms don't improve in 3 days I'm going to the doc. And I was just on Cipro 2 weeks ago too...

This illness has delayed training in my new favorite sport: Kick Boxing. While in Cambodia, I started to train with my cousin and the Cambodian army guys. The facilites are lackluster at best, and the verbal dialogue minimal. With fighting, explainations can be summed up pretty quickly without words. We now have a punching bag at our house in BKK.

More later, - J-Dub

From the Field

Near where I'm staying in Cambodia, there is a group of about 100 homes living in overwhelming squalor. The government is planning to build a road where these homes are located, but being the Cambodian Government, this will likely be at least another two years away. Most of the residents have built their meager homes, which usually consists of four wooden poles as frames and dried palm leaf thatch roofs and walls, from their own labor and minimal savings. They have come to the city from other provinces seeking jobs and a better life.

This is the some of the worst poverty I have seen since being in Asia. After conducting questionnaires, we found there are no toilets or restroom in the entire area. Residents instead use the bushes next to their homes. Water is plentiful but dirty and unsanitary. Dug pits are the norm around the homes and provide all the needed utilities that water provides including laundry, bathing, drinking and cooking. We were encouraged to find that most of the residents boil the water before drinking. Yet, most suffer from frequent headaches and dysentery.

While the women and children stay at home and willingly answer our questions, the men are out in the town working or looking for work. Far and away the most common job by the men was unskilled manual labor as in hauling concrete or bricks. The average wage for a job like this is 6,000 riel per day (just under $2). Many of the children run around without clothes and their smiles are a stark contrast to the piles of rubbish mounting around the homes.

After a full day in the field conducting interviews, I couldn't eat my dinner last night. The day of heat combined with the odors and images of such poverty disagreed with my stomach.

JWOC will definitely be helping these people.

~ J-Dub

You Know You've Lived in Asia When...

Well, we've just passed the one year mark on being in Thailand. Yes, one year of kicking it in Asia, and getting it done. Thinking back over the past year, so much has happened that it is incredible. I know I've settled into this place, this way of living, this culture and I'm sure J-Dubb would say the same.

Here is the Top 10 list of quotes that show we've been in Asia a while:

10. "Did you see that family of 5 on that motorbike?" "Yeah, could have fit one more."
9. "Got immodium?"
8. "That alley smelled like a wet rotting yaak covered in fecal matter." "Yeah, so much better than yesterday."
7. "What's a water heater?"
6. "$6 for an hour-long massage? Who'd pay that?!?"
5. "I could really go for some fried crickets right now"
4. "You know, durian doesn't smell that bad."
3. "You donn haf to wordy. Veddy cheeep!"
2. "Can I have more ice in my beer please?"
And the number one quote...
1. "Did she really just touch his hand in public? What a slut!"

There's more where that came from. Keep the comments coming!
~Bear

They call him Blizz

So Bear now is referring to himself as "The Blizz." I'm not sure where this came from, and I'm sure he will blow more wind about it than the calm side of a duck's ass, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that a girl commented on his pale skin by calling him "casper." I would defend such a comment except for the fact that it's a raw freak of nature to see such an Irish lad could be so white despite the fact that he lives in a tropical climate.

We're putting a punching bag in the backyard to do a wee bit of Muay Thai training, and I think the "casper" comment forced Bear into a state of utter frenzy.

Going through Bear's mind, "Fuck yeah I'm white. Fuck yeah I'm gonna fuck some shit up. Call me the Fuckin' White Blizzard!" [FN1]

This then got shortened to "The Blizz". It reminds of when Johnny D [FN2] decided that he wanted to be called "T-Bone". I distinctly remember the Puma launching into in a magnificent diatrible against people giving themselves their own nicknames. We'll see if "The Blizz" sticks. For now we have a note written on our white board that says, "Things to Get: Hammack Stand, Liquid Blizz Recepticals". I think the latter refers to blowjobs.

[FN1] Bear's anger has been much better in the last week.
[FN2] Johnny D and Bear resemble each other in remarkable ways. Very, very strange how similar, in fact.

~ J-Dub

All that jelly and no toast

Bear and I just got back from a night out at RCA, and boy do I wish I had brought a digi camera. I swear I have never seen so many hot Thai girls in one place at the same time. Usually walking down any given street in Bangkok roughly 1 out of 13 girls catches my eye. But tonight was different. Way different. We're talking 1 in 2. Outrageous. Strictly speaking, crazy hot Thai ass everywhere.

The Blizz and I found ourselves hungry and in need of booze as the night started. The internet prooved (as it usually does.... what did people do before the internet? I try to remember those fond days..) to yield the much needed source of hot ass enlightenment. We found RCA. It's a strip of bars / discos packed full of young, hot Thai girls. Not heaven, but close.

Having a girlfriend now, I upheld my respectable character by making the peanut butter jelly sandwich which I made upon arrival at cosa del Cali Thais the highlight of the night. It almost surpassing the hot ass.

~ J-Dub

The Hostel Project

Check out my boy J-Morte's new album "Devil's Advocate" at The Hostel Project. Do it!

A new song posted every Monday morning.

~ J-Dub

Cooling off Gore's Warming Warning

Great article in the Canadian Free Press rebutting Gore's claims about the imminent Global Warming crisis. Not only does it give the other side of the story, but more importantly (I think) shows how both parties use "intelligence" to create uneeded fear in the American public.

Looks like the Republicans aren't the only ones "lying to America," as Liberals are fond of saying.

~ J-Dub

Travel News Headline of the Day

"Vietnam gears up for minority of tourists who exploit children sexually: - Full story here

Are there editors in Asia? because that just doesn't sound right.

Cambodians and Their Food: Part II

One thing I've never understood is eating on the floor. I simply can't do it. Bending over to reach my food always puts my stomach in knots and undoubtedly my legs fall asleep in any variety of positions. Had I grown up eating on the floor, I guess it wouldn't be a big deal now. But given the choice between a comfortable chair and a table or sitting on the floor, the former wins hands down.

But in Asia eating from the floor is like when you want to go for a run, but you have to decide which route you want to take and what kind of run you're going to go on. Is it a fast run? Is it a hill run? A long run? Then you have to make sure that your contancts are lubed up with conditioner so you won't have to stop if a bit of dust gets in them. And before that you have to decide what to wear. If it's hot, do you go for the tan, or do you wear heavier clothes to promote more sweating? If it's cold, do you wear a long sleeve shirt knowing that you'll have to take it off at some point when your body warms up, or do you endure the inital chills so that you don't have to worry about carrying your shirt during your run? If it's sunny do you wear a hat, knowing that if you get too hot you will have to carry that too? Then you have to decide if you want to bring music. Will there lots of traffic, and will the music be dangerous? Is there enough power in the music player to make it through an enitre run? More importantly, what music will you listen to? Then you have to drink water so you're hydrated enough, but not too much so that you get cramps durning the run. Then you have to make sure you have the keys to your house so that you can get back in. And then you can go for a run.

Eating on the floor for Asians is just like preparing to go for a run, you know - normal.

~ J-Dub

Cambodians and Their Food: Part I

I smelled something absolute putrid coming the kitchen today. Hoping not to see a dead animal (which is what it smelled like) I went into the kitchen only to find a frying wok full of crickets.

While not uncommon for Cambodians to anything they can catch, these fried crickets were particularly foul. If you have never smelled this aweful stench, consider yourself lucky. I mean, it smelled like a wet river otter batheing in moldy sour cream.

The thought of the smell still makes me cringe.

~ J-Dub

The Thais and Food

So it's been a while, but what better way to get rolling again than to talk about something we all enjoy everyday. Food. As friends and family well know, I'm a big fan of food. I relish the act of eating and manage to pack away unusual quantities of the stuff. But when it comes to the love of all things food, I just can't keep up with the Thais.

I just got back from the International THAIFEX Food Expo. Dear Lord. I never knew so much food existed (both in variety and sheer quantity) on this Green Earth. The convention center is the size of 8 football fields all under one roof, undivided, and the place was packed wall-to-wall with various food vendors from around the world... and plenty from Thailand alone. But that didn't compare to the masses of people that flocked to the event. I believe it was estimated that a third the population of the planet was there today. And not a soul left the exhibition empty handed or empty stomached.

After wandering around for a while, I realized that I had no idea what most of these edible morsels were. I had the pleasure of sampling every variety of fruit, meat, grain, herb, vegetable, and ??? known to man. I tired several things that were so uterly alien that I have no idea if they were made from plant, animal or plastic - but boy were they good! In the end, I ate a six course meal from samples alone and bought a sickening amount of new and unusual foods. Yet a 5 year old passed by with three times as many bags, then turned to me pointed and just laughed - and that cut deeper than words. I guess I can't even hold a candle to these people and their obsession with sampling, buying, discussing, preparing, remenessing, sharing, and eating food. And the best part about this expo is that there is one much like it at any number of different convention centers every weekend in Bangkok - and every weekend it is packed with eager hungry Thais.
~Bear

Quote of the Week

"Well, welcome to Asia, land of harmony where the Thais hate the Burmese and the Cambodians, the Cambodians hate the Thais and the Vietnamese, the Vietnamese hate the Cambodians and the Chinese, the Chinese hate the Vietnamese and the Japanese, the Japanese hate the Chinese and the Koreans and the Koreans hate everybody." - From the Tales of Asia Blog commenting on ridiculously insensitive new Thai film Ghost Game.

Bonifide Advertisement

I kid you not, this is an actual advertisement in Asia for a skin cream product that helps improve moisture retention in your skin with the aid of milk. At least I think that's what the product is for.

~ J-Dub

From the Archives

This may be Johnny D's first beer ever recorded on film, circa 1998.

Picture taken at Bizno's Beach House, the same night Dylan Creedon slapped the PUMA at which point a minor brawl ensued only to be broken up by Bizno, Jeff Tutton, and myself.

~ J-Dub

Shave Everywhere

Thanks to The Actress for showing the Cali Thais this link (via Bear who never posts anymore). I have a feeling this won't sell well with the Asian market.

J-Dub Returns From Vietnam

I returned last week from Hanoi (the capitol of Vietnam for all you non-geography majors). Vietnam is a pretty crazy place. I would say even more so than Thailand. It's one of only a few Communist countries still in existence, and yet, despite its politics, it has an free market economy. So it makes for an interesting place to visit.

I was there on business developing a new project for JWOC. The project will be focusing on supporting the second and third generation victims of dioxin (Agent Orange) used during the Vietnam-American War. Just outside Hanoi is a "Peace Village" were over 100 children aged 1 - 18 receive physical therapy, housing, food, education, and supervision.

Truly a remarkable place, the village is making a tremendous difference in these young folks lives. Each child's condition varies quite a bit, but all suffer from some form of mental or physical disability. Some of the children have severe memory problems and can't remember the events of the last five minutes while others can read and write at a third grade level (thanks to the help of the village).

It was really a moving experience because seeing the effects of agent orange in photos of destroyed forrests is one thing, but seeing the disfigurement of a living person is completely different. I was worried that being an American, there would be some lingering resentment or anger, but I was amazed to find quite the opposite. Working with an American-Vietnamese translator, the Director at the Village told me several times that they can not change the past and instead are doing their best to help the children. "The children come first," they told me.

There is certainly a lot that can be done. Just as a small family has many different needs, so does a large family need more on a larger scale. From the numerous bathrooms that are unusable due to overuse, to the unused physical therapy pool due to lack of funding, to the dedicated and compassionate staff who earn less than $50 per month, to the lack of fans in the summer and blankets in the winter, to rats that make their home in the kitchen, they can use money to help their "home".

So now the fund raising begins.

~J-Dub

Hey, I'm feeling your vibes

Durex wil be releasing a new toy to the market. This is the new advert from its website:

"NEW Play Vibrations, a vibrating ring designed to give you up to 20 minutes of quivering pleasure It's easily turned on and off; part of the fun will be experimenting with which way to wear it for maximum stimulation. Play Vibrations can be used with or without condoms, try it with a little lubricant to further enhance your experience."

Basically, it's a big wedding ring for him, that vibrates for both him and her. Better yet, just watch the video advert.

20 Minutes! Jeeze, I would have been happy with 3. But why isn't Durex capitalizing on Bluetooth technology for this new invention?

~ J-dub

The Duke Lacrosse Rape Scandal

Recent news stories concerning the alleged rape of woman [FN1] by the three Duke Lacrosse team members has sent the small town of Duhram into a frenzy. No charges have been filed, but the lacrosse team's season has been cut short by the President of the Universitiy's decision to await the fruit of further investigation.

As someone who loves the game dearly, I think this is a real shame on all accounts. Playing college lax were, tritely speaking, some of the best years of my life. It's too bad Duke Lacrosse had the feel the brunt of the pain. Not only the unduly nominal tarnishing of the school's reputation, but also the physical pain endured by 46 of the 47 team members [FN2] who received DNA samples by "swab checks".

It would only be fair to point out that rape is not new to the sport of lacrosse. I am not proud to say it, but I can remember several occasions of being raped on the lacrosse field by top ranked SSU Lacrosse Team during my tenure at UC Davis. To my eternal torment, I can remember a particular game thinking, "Wow, J-Dub you just got raped big time in front of all these people and your defender now has an assist thanks to his fast-break efforts. "

And even off the field, rape accusations are not new to men's lacrosse. For those of you who the man J-Dub, I'm sure you have head my tirade about my buddy Magnus who was charged of raping a girl [FN3] at a lacrosse party and later acquitted at trial after a year's bitter torment of preparing testimony against her sorry ass. (This event, incidentally, led to J-Dub rap debut.)

From the reports, here's how I see it: it's too bad this is about the only publicity lacrosse gets. It really is a kick ass sport.

Further, the woman who consensually agreed to entertain the lacrosse team with her services was a female escort. To make matters worse, she was an escort without a body-guard. Isn't there some kind of unwritten rule against this, abrogating the written rule is is meant to prevent? I think it's completely outrageous that a girl can claim rape, and immediately everyone points the sour end of guilt at the man. It is exactly this sort of jumping to conclusions that ultimately led to the Davis Police breaking down Magnus' door the next morning and throwing him into a cop car, slamming the door on his toe and breaking it, injuring our star player for the rest of the season.

Further still, least shocking to all else but most to me is that the annual tuition for Duke is $43,000. The annual tuition for Phnom Penh University in Cambodia is $500. Doing some quick math, over 320+ students can have B.A.'s in Cambodia for the price of a single Duke graduate. Wow... $43,000 a year - the authorities should be investigating Duke University on similar rape allegations.

~J-Dub

[FN1] The woman who alleges the misconduct is black, and I refuse to make this a racial issue. It very well may be, considering Duke is in the South, but for the record: racism is not cool. I will leave it at that.

[FN2] There is one black man on the Duke Lacrosse Team and he did not have to undergo swabbing because the woman says the perps were white.

[FN3] By all accounts, this girl was crazy. She looked like a man. She played women's rugby. She stalked Magnus for about 1 month. And was easier to berate in a rap than Dick Cheney or the Catholic Church.

Things you only see in developing countries

The setting is mid-day and the temperature sultry. Motorbike (or bicycle) is the main mode of transportation in Cambodia and on this occasion my moto was out of gas. Getting gas is extremely easy around town, because people sell gas right out front of their homes along with assorted snacks and cigaretts. Gas is sold in empty Johnnie Walker bottles and thus easily transportable [I think due to the fact that it's not taxed coupled with the fact that gas stations are rare]. The girl who sold me gas was dressed in nothing more than pajamas. Now that I think about it, I don't think the picture even needs prose.

[clicking on the photo to see enlarged version recommended]

~J-Dub

And the belated Oscar goes to... Brokeback Kong

It's Funny Because It's True

So J-Dubb has cleaned up his act and told you the truth on this one... I did in fact land my first modeling/acting job. Hell, I wasn't even looking for it. I was at a bank one day when a short stalky Thai woman (who I first thought was a short stalky Thai man) stopped me to ask if I wanted to model. I instantly thought, "dude, I'm not gay" but then realized this little chubby being with a butch hair cut was a woman. She goes on to tell me that she is a model agent from a proper agency, and then I think "this is the lamest pickup attempt..." until she produced a card.

After much negotiating over the next several days (with me pretending like I know what the hell I am talking about) I agree to sacrifice my Saturday for a pretty low wage - mostly just to see what it is all about. I show up at the studio just to find out that it was not for a photoshoot as I had thought, but for a tv commercial! Yes, the product was Head and Shoulders, and I was to act the part of a scientist who "after years of scientific research finally hits the pinicle of his carreer because he and his team have finally figured out how to stop Dandruff." Awesome. Probably the cheesiest commercial out there, but if you are in Australia in a few months, look for me... I'll look a bit like below, but with a lab coat and glasses:

Yeah, so it turned out to be a 13 hour day where I had plenty of time to meet my fellow actors/models and learn their whole life story while the other groups were being filmed (they shot the exact same commercial three separate times with different ethnic groups: Asian, Indian, and Caucasian for Australia - 5 out of 6 with blue eyes). I learned during that time that the agency was paying me double what they were paying two other guys for the exact same thing. And, fortunate for me, one of the veterans to the trade told me key points about standards of the industry in Thailand, which earned me another 50% that I wouldn't have known about for them running nearly 3 hours overtime.

By the end of the day, I had cards and numbers for 5 different agencies and learned that a tall, thin white guy can make great money doing fashion shows here - because tall people aren't that common. Who would have thought? It was a long and dull day, but don't let anyone tell you it is very hard. Sure, I'll admit - I'll probably give it another go. I can sure use the money to go towards my next photography purchases, and the experience was kind of fun. But don't worry, I won't let it go to my head... and shoulders.
~Bear

It's Hammertime: Double Exclamation Point

There will always be a soft place in my heart for Hammer (formerly known as MC Hammer). His CD along with DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, were my first two CD's I ever owned. I always thought the latter was the better of my choice, but there's just something about Hammer that makes you want to dance. I mean, get down and hump the floor, dance.

Well, the good Hammer has a blog. Thoughly entertaining and enthousiastic is the good Hammer's blog. Just take for instance this comment from eddie green:

"Hammer, i'm english, i live in bath, england, and have a 7" copy of can't touch this. it's amazing. thank you."

Wow, Eddie, that's a lot of personal information for anyone, especially the Hammer.

~ J-dub

Thank You Scientist and Screw You Dandruff. I'm Clean and Balanced.

Well, it seems the joke is on me; sort of. After contriving a couple libelous posts about Bear being an Abercrombie model, it seems the tides have turned, and in fact, Bear is now officially a male model. Granted he's only done one gig - a TV commercial for Head and Shoulders airing in select Austrailian markets - where Bear dressed up in a white lab coat playing a scientist. Bear now has an agent, a bonifide agent, who claims Bear can make way more money if he does runway modeling. Wow, Bear, looks like my assing off has paid off. I hope you post more about it.

~ J-dub

They Call Him Fiddy

Bear, his brother Brandon, a Cambodian named Sela and I went to the 50 Cent concert last Sunday here in Bangkok. I will be the first one to point out that we were all heavily intoxicated, which can only equal one thing: getting shot. Well, ok. It wasn't that bad. In fact no one got shot. But we did have a blast. Singha beer sponsored the event, and although the beer line was slower than Bear getting ready to go to lunch, the beers were huge and delicious.

The concert itself was better than expected. I once saw a live appearance of 50 on MTV Spring Break and it was obviously live because the performance was terrible. I mean, you couldn't understand half the shit 50 was saying. It was good to see that he is better at live performances. Fort Minor (Lincoln Park singer's solo project) was rockin'. Tony Yayo, Llyod Banks, and 50 played all of their hits, including half of "Hate it or Love it" and talking mad shit about The Game and leaving out his section.

Even being drunk as we all were, I have never felt safer at a rap concert in my life. It wasn't anything like the time I saw Snoop Dogg with my Dad in California (yeah, the pops is a HUGE Snoop fan) and we sat next to a group of four black women from Oakland who sucked down roaches like a Popeyes fried chicken promotion. I think there were a total of five black dudes at the 50 concert while weed is strictly illegal in Thailand.

Another factor that gave us HUGE amounts of cred was the fact that we had a Cambodian with us who has been shot three times .... by rockets (and doesn't walk with a limp). So if anyone tried to start some shit, hey we rep a homie who's been shot by rockets. RESPECT !

~ J-dub

P.S. Over Christmas the pops told me that he heard a radio story saying that Fiddy's persona is only a character that was made up, he was never shot, grew up in a well-to-do neighborhood, etc. If anyone can verify this, I would be interested.

The Cali Thais [ Heart ] Karl Pilkington

Despite my neverending aversion of Apple*, I recently got an iPod for my Birthday, and have since been sucked into the world of iTunes. I have to admit that some of the Podcasts are pretty sweet, and one of the best is the Ricky Gervais Show, which features three dudes - Ricky Gervais from the BBC Comedy "The Office", Steve Merchant, and an umemployed radio producer, named Karl Pilkington. If you haven't heard of this show, I implore you to check it out. Pilkington is hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that I could eat a knob at night.

~ J-Dub

*Apple is gay. It's science.

Two Things That Scare The Hell Out of Me

I'm sure we've all heard the news as of late... and there are things to fear. Sure, there is always some sensational news about something that is going to end the world or our freedom as we know it. Let's face it - when it comes to news, sex isn't the only thing that sells. Fear is a pretty good way to go also.

This little guy may look cute and cuddly, but H5N1 scares the hell out of me. Now I'm not sure how the media is portraying things back in the States, but in the area of the world that is in a position to suffer tremendously, things are pretty laxidasical about the whole thing. I read today that Indonesia is finding that it is spreading faster in its population as well as killing its victims faster. Of course, you don't hear much about it over here, but I guess it is mostly the lowly rural people who are dying - so why should the governments here care? Sometimes I fear they don't see the bigger picture. Even if the virus never mutates into a human-to-human threat, the economic impact caused by the kulling of chickens around the world (along with many other friends of a feather) has the potential to be enormous.

The second titan of fear for me is religious extremism. Any religion. Anytime someone uses faith to justify murder, there can be no winners. Somehow I don't think God, in whatever form you want to call Him/Her/Them, really needs the confidence boost of a soul exterminated in His/Her/Their name.

Specifically, I'm speaking of the extremist protests as of late over publication of religiously inappropriate material in some newspapers in Europe - though any violent backlash from an extremist section of any religion can fall into this "scary as hell" section. Fanaticism and Fundamentalism are dangerous.

Though I've not seen the cartoons, I understand that they are considered to be blasphemous. Fair enough - stage protests (idealy with permit in hand) and boycott goods if you must - just don't kill people. Go through the appropriate channels to have your voice heard over your frustration and indignation. Turning to violence isn't exactly going to win a lot of global support for your cause. Now I must make the clear distinction that the violence is not condoned by the average moderate and conservative Muslim. These are cases of extremist views - nonetheless, they are do not lend to better communication between Muslim and Non-Muslim nations and peoples.

I just read in the paper that and Indian government minister has offered an $11.5 Million US Dollar reward for anyone who beheads one of the cartoonist. And in Pakistan, a Cleric has offered $1 Million and a car for anyone who kills one of the responsible cartoonists. Can you just imagine if someone like Condaliza Rice publically put out a hit on someone... anyone because of slanderous media? It would be World War III. And that's why Religious Fanaticism scares the hell out of me - because everyone feels like they have "God" on their side. And here I was thinking that religion was about love...
~Bear

Bangkok 100 Rock Festival 2006

In a, "can I get a hell yeah !?!" sort of way, J-Dub and Bear will be attending the Bangkok 100 Rock Festival 2006 this weekend. Two days of good ol' Rock & Roll. Lineup includes: Oasis, Franz Ferdinand, Snow Patrol, Maximo Park, Ian Brown, Sterophonics, Placebo, and dEUS. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

You Dick .... You Shot Me !!

Coolest "Not a blimp"... Ever

Now this is flying in style.

Dubai and China : Leading your Skyscrapper Construction Projects

Dubai and China are leading the world stage for building YOUR new Skyscrappers.

The Golfing Report

The long awaited J-Dub Goes Golfing Report is here. Now golfing in Thailand is great for a number of reasons, but with it comes with a few givens that aren't so pleasant. So I'll start with the bad and explain how the cleverness of the Asians have turned each disagreeable aspect into a pleasant experience.

The Bad #1: It will be a shock to no one that Thailand is hot year round. Sweaty balls hot. The kind of hot that turns pale Irish-blooded white boys like me into burned red tomatos in under an hour. It will also surprise no one that golfing requires an extended amount of time being in the sun and last Sunday was no exception. Hot, hot, hottness marked the first part of the day.

The Good #1: One word: umbrellas. That's right, each player is given an umbrella during the length of play. In just the same way I don't want to get buned like parking lot attendant at the State Fair, neither do the Asians. But I know what your thinking, "How can you hold an umbrella while you hold your clubs?" The answer is simple: you don't have to carry your clubs, because there is a caddy that carries your clubs for you. See The Good #2.

The Good #2: Your own personal caddy makes golfing an entirely new and exciting experience. (If you've experienced golf with a caddy, you can skip over this part) I can't over-emphasize how cool a caddy is. They are helpful in so many ways, probably the number one reason has to do with the fact that all the caddies in Asia are females under 30. They too do not want to become blackened by the sun, so they cover every extremity in clothing. Nevertheless, they all wear tight clothing and all are very cute. I was fortunate to have a hottie. Aesthetics aside, caddies also:

- Carry your clubs for you
- Keep score for you (which is key when you've been consuming booze)
- Give you tips on what clubs to use when
- Give tips on how to read the green
- Oh, yeah, most important - they carry your clubs for you

The Bad #2: The Asians take golfing very seriously. I swear it's like watching any Sean Penn movie - if you get sucked into it, you won't smile for the next three days. Myself, I like to play to have fun on the course. Some might call me a weekend golfer, and I'm fine with that tag. I'm out to relax, have fun, and crack open some beers. But especially the Japanese and Koreans, each swing is like they're preforming open heart surgery.

The Good #3: There is beer everywhere along the way. The choices are very limited: Singha and Hieniken, but there is nothing better to cut throught the solemnity. I was fortunate to be paired with two other Thai dudes who were happy to let the brews fly and make jokes along the way.

The Bad #3: The language barrier. While I strongly feel fortunate for having been raised in an English speaking country, it doesn't help very much in Thailand, where everyone here (unlike Cambodia) can get by in their day to day business speaking Thai. But my limited ability to speak Thai (it's a damn hard language to learn) makes conversations difficult.

The Good #4: See The Good #3.

The Good #5: Most of the golfing terminology stays in English. This I found interesting. Words like "iron", "the green", "bunker", "the tee", and yelling "FOUR !!!" when your ball is about to hit someone in the nuts, all remain in English.

I'm sure there is more, but I leave J-Dub's Golfing Report at that. Ya'll just have to wait for part Deux.

~ J-Dub

J-Dub goes golfing !

I love golfing, and golfing in Thailand is awesome. The full report is on the way.

~ J-dub

Bear's Birthday Presents

Picture #1: Stuffed bear key chains packaged in a pink carrying case. Gift given by a Thai.

Picture #2: CD mixed tape. Gift given by an American

Wow.... Wow!

New Massage Shop Right Next Door

The Cali Thais are happy to report that there is a posh, new massage shop that opened up right next door to our office. Very nice inside, complete with orchids on the pillow and a rock garden in the front entrance. While this will only benefit the Cali Thais, we thought you should know the pricing breakdown:

- Head and Shoulder Massage for 30min - 99 Baht ($2.50)
- Traditional Thai Massage for 1 hour - 180 Baht ($4.50)
- Traditional Thai Massage for 2 hours - 300 Baht ($6.50)
- Arroma Therepy for 1 hour - 300 Baht ($6.50)
- Oil Massage for 1 hour - 300 Baht ($6.50)
- Happy Ending - Didn't ask, but probably not offered (Damn)

~ J-Dub

Gimme your best shot.

While out in the villages (see below post) I encoutered a rather heated discussion between a chief and the people in his village. My dozen words of Khmer couldn't distinguish whether they were angry or just talking loudly in their sing-song language. But I think they were yelling about the best place to place the well. So I kept my mouth shut.

The scary part of the whole experience was the fact that the dudes were fully tatted up with Khmer temples and ancient writtings all over their bodies. Apparently, these tattoos are meant to be magical and deflect any bullets that might be heading toward their body. (I've heard stories from multiple Cambodians who swear they were shot at during the war but the bullets never entered their bodies thanks to the tattoos. Pulp Fiction like.)

So I got to thinking, these dudes have most likely killed a few people.

So then I got to thinking, boy it would suck to get shot. Then I asked Brandon, "if you knew you were going to be shot, where would the best place be?" He said maybe the ass. I think maybe arm. Either way, the sound of a Cambodian cocking a gun scares us both very much.

~ J-Dub

The Rural Village Game !

One of the great things about my job is that I get to meet the local people of Cambodia. We are helping some of "worst of the worst" financially (shout out Jo-Tel) and part of my job involves scouting new locations for our water well project. Basically, it consits of meeting with the village chief and offering a clean water source for free. We have yet to meet a chief that says no.

As you can tell from the above photo, the water well is about the only thing the family has beside their homemade house, which by the way, most of which is made from their own land. This is so common in the vast majority of Cambodia, where over 85% of the people live in rural areas.

Well, when I was heading back to town after a bumpy, rocky, and very dusty moto-bike ride on a blazing hot day, my driver stopped suddenly on the side of the clay road. A family was buchering some sort of animal on the side of the road in front of their house. See second photo. My driver got all excited and started shouting some Khmer words to the folks, and they hollered some more Khmer back to him. They got a plastic bag and put some meat in it. He tied up the bag and put it on the handle of the moto and we were off.

Thus the game was born: Name that Animal !

Go ahead: Take a guess....

~ J-Dub

Who needs a title for this gem?

"Ya know.... sometimes I just like the warm wetness on my chest...." - Bear on not having tissues handy.

Being (really) white in the golden Land of Smiles

Looking back over the nearly seven months living in Bangkok one thing that stands out is, well, me. Just hear me out; being a young (most westerners here are older), white (really, really white these days), tall guy with light brown hair and blue eyes - let's just say people notice. Those aren't exactly common features among the Thais. Ok, enough about me - let me generalize to being white here in Thailand and what it means in the day-to-day life.

I suppose I should first start out by stating something else I've learned while being here. I now believe there is nowhere in the world where racism isn't prevelent. It's all a matter of how people deal with it. For example, Thai people joke about how "black" their friends are, as if it means they are also inherantly stuped because their skin is darker. They even give each other nicknames and the darkest one from a group of friends will be called "Dam" or "Dam-Dam" meaning black. Imagine if we referred to our friends as Darky or something back in the States - I don't think that would fly. The Thai people also go to extreme lengths to lighten their skin. At super markets and high end department stores, there are entire walls dedicated to skin whitenning creams and bleaches. There are even dermatology centers that offer laser whitenning processes that are openned 24 hours a day - and the waiting room is always packed.
Anytime someone steps out of their office, they hold a clip board or jacket up to shield the sun from hitting their faces... heaven forbid the rays of the sun touch their golden skin and turn it a bit more copper! I also overhear conversations about people of other Asian countries are so beautiful because their skin is lighter or so ugly because they are darker... it would seem that everyone in the world would like to be white - unless, of course, you are white and then you go to great lengths to darken that pastiness to look a bit more "ethnic."

Back to the original point: my experiences being white in Thailand. As it turns out, there are some fairly valid reasons for the Thais to want to be more fair-toned. Anytime I go to a club that requires ID (and I always forget to bring mine - passports are a pain to carry), I'm immediately let in without a question. 90% of the time, they don't even ask me if I have my ID. Also, at these same clubs they often pat-down the customers for weapons, and I'm yet to be touched at one of them. I guess because I'm white, I'm no threat. Hell, we get treated a bit like celebrities and even are escorted past lines of people waiting to get in - without ourselves waiting a moment. You can't help but feel a little bad, but I guess it helps explain the obsession over the skin whitenning products...

There are other benefits to being white here too. Just the other day, our money was rejected at a favorite street-side noodle stand. The owner said it was a gift, and we soon figured out that having two white guys dressed in nice business attire eating there was in turn good for his business. Another example of our whiteness affecting our dining experiences; at any number of restaurants that J.W. and I frequent for lunch or dinner, this funny thing often happens within minutes of us sitting down. The music will suddenly shift from whatever Thai rock or Thai sappy music was playing to English music. It doesn't matter if there are forty Thai people there and we are the only two people in the place that speak English - we are getting English music. The only problem with that is that the music is most likely some mid 90's Whitney Huston or similar soft rock that just isn't worth listening to for anyone, white or Thai. I take that back - Thais love sappy English songs about love-lost and longing.

Taxis. Undoubtably, a taxi driver 8 out of 10 times will pull up to the white person before they will pull up to the Thai person if they are standing on the same side of the street waiting. Now the reasons for this is plain enough - white people tip more and prestige. Just like it is fashionable among younger Thais (particularly women) to date a white person (usually man), it is seen as a bit of a social booster for the taxi to be seen around his area of town with a couple of pale people in the back seats.

The truth is I could go on and on (many of you are thinking I already have), but I'll skip ahead to the other side of things. There are the drawbacks, few that they may be, to being white here in Thailand - and they all center on one thing. Money. Living here, you quickly either get used to or get fed up with the fact that when given the option, you will be charged more for the same item/service as a Thai person. It is not so much that you are being ripped off all the time (though it can happen), but that it goes along with the Thai culture. Those who can give, should give. They just don't really present the option. In fact, just tonight a friend of mine asked how much we paid for our office sofa and coffee table. When I told her she said, "next time you want to buy anything, call me. Because you are foreigner, the price will always be too high." Simple as that - we are white so we get the benefits but there is, quite literally, a price to pay.

Post a comment or two!
~Bear

Yellow Skin Cream

Last night at the Journeys Within B & B in Camboida, I'm lying in my bed reading when my cousin Brandon comes and knocks on my door. He says you have to come down to the kitchen and see Mon. Now at this point I already know that Mon is probably close to the dumbest girl I've ever met. Like little yellow school bus dumb. But she always has a smile and she is a damn good worker. So when I get downstairs, the whole kitchen wreaks of mustard.

"Why does it smell like mustard?" I ask to Brandon. He just laughs and then appears Mon.

She's in the bathroom washing off a shitload mustard off her arms and face.

"What the hell?" I say, as the whole Cambodian staff is in stiches.

Then she runs out and hits Pwon, who is laughing on the floor.

Brandon finally explains what's going on. When Mon was cleaning the food from the guest's room, there was a small jar of mustard near the finished food, so she picked it up and brought it back to the kitchen. When she asked Pwon what it was, he told her it was skin cream. And since the guests had left, she absconded the strange new, funky smelling substance. She then appartently showered and being freshly cleaned, continued to smear the whole jar of yellow dijon onto her arms, hands, and face.

Talk about a beautiful practical joke. Perfect candidate for the victim. Perfect execution. She smelled worse than a dirty German after a day's housing at Oktoberfest.

J-Dub learns about teachers in Cambodia and is saddened

So I'm in Cambodia right now, finding the best and brightest of the youth in Cambodia. We are expanding our scholarship porgram. It is a wonderful project. Donors from all over the world sponsor over-achieving Cambodian students to go university. The idea is to give the students of today the opportunities to be the future leaders in a country fraught with corruption, ignorance, and poverty.

In the Cambodia of today, the government continually proves untrustworthy in its investment in the education system. Take for instance how the government teachers conduct classes (K-12). Let's start with pay. Each teacher is paid $30 a month for their services, if they are the lucky. The luck factor comes into play depending on the location of the school. If they live close to Phnom Penh then there is a good chance that they will be paid on time, in full. If they live further from the capitol, then there is a good chance that the money will be delayed (the rainy season especially contributes to the lack of accessible transportation) or the money will be short (there is no governmental post office) so there may be 'shipping' charges. Roughly $30 a month isn't much money, even in a developing country.

To compensate for the nominal pay, teachers are forced to charge students for private lessons. This means that during class, the teacher will explain the name of the lesson and state the principle without without giving examples or giving proper explaination. So the students who want to learn more must pay the teachers for private sessions. This is how the teachers supplement their income. However, the problem is that the students who have the money for private lessons pay the teachers directly for high marks and skip the lessons entirely. This means the families with more money pay the teachers for good grades, but the students don't even bother going to the private lessons and fail to grasp the concepts. This goes on, but there is little that anyone can do to surmount the problem because the government would rather the NGOs come in and build schools to save money. And even more dipressing part is that everyone knows that this happens and assums it is like this everywhere.

If that doesn't shock you, listen to this: two years ago the government had a census and found that the 1 million students that entered Secondary School, only 50,000 graduated High School. How about those stellar stats? Yeah, that's a 95% attition rate. . .

So as you begin to understand, the education system needs improvement. I've audited a few of the university classes and they are encouraging. The students are there to learn and in general very committed to improving thier economic and social situation. The quality of education is much better and lessons are explained with pretty well and there is a good amount of discussion. It is with these students that my hope remains.

~ J-dub

Where did Bear go?

Perhaps the fact that Bear hasn't posted in the last, uh..., like 4 months is due to the fact that he's been too busy posing for Abercrombie.

"It was during my first time in the 2nd grade, I caught my reflection in a spoon while eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, 'Wow, you are ridiculously good-looking. Maybe you can do that for a career.'" - Zoolander

J-Dub's B-Day

The big 25!

Waiting... a long time for a poignant movie about the restaurant industry that is all laughs

Bear and I just got back from a hilarious movie called, "Waiting". Rotten Tomatoes gave it terrible reviews (one even thought it was worse than Deuce Bigalow II to give you an idea), so we didn't have our hopes up too high. The movie follows the lives and social scene from an employee's perspective of your average corporate restaurant. If you have ever worked in a restaurant before, you will laugh your ass off seeing this film.

While the jokes tend to play out one ball joke followed by another, the movie did succeed at nailing down the archetype characters you would find any restaurant. The lame, "I don't know what I'm going to do with my life so I'm stuck here" server. The smoking hot hostess who everyone wants to touch, but is underage. The alcoholic, angry server who yells at everyone and everything until she reaches her table to put on her fake smile and personality. The "God... I'm too cool for school" server who is loved by everyone and makes his own rules. The hot server who tempts dudes with touch for tips. The nice, cute, down to earth server who gets the shittiest tables again and again. The manager who hides his sad little self behind the his perogatives of draconian power based on schedule changes and write-ups ("I bet he's crying himself to sleep on his cock-shaped pillow" ). The new trainee whom everyone ignores. The kitchen staff who are completely mentally unstable. And the bus-boys who are as high as kites.

Now having worked in a restaurant for some time (2 years at Applebees, a summer in Scotland, and 1 year at the Rainforest Cafe), let me tell you the life as a server is a lifestyle that is trapping. It's one where you find yourself in a routine with no end in sight, trapped by the comforts of a fat wad of cash in your pocket at the end of every night. Hidden beneath the fog of male anatomy jokes, I think this tends to be the underlying point of the film. Each night at the end of the shift, a different bar awaits you with different drink specials and bartenders who know your name. If it was a good night, you buy your friends drinks. If by chance you had a few bad tables, Jack Daniels is always there to comfort you. The commrodery and the drama always makes things exciting. If you work in a big restaurant, there are always new people coming and going, so you are never bored by the same old faces. There's no lull in the conversations after work because you can always bitch about the managers or the scapegoat who everyone picks on.

In essese, the actual work of serving tables is the bastard part, and is almost never a labor of love. The love comes after work, where all the laughs extrude among the pint glasses and the worry levels drop from 9 to 1. There is but not a care in the world until the next shift starts. And the best part is you don't have to wake up until noon.

That is about the only thing I miss about working nights in a restaurant- waking up late, making a big pot of coffee in the morning, reading the paper, and having a cigarette on the stoop. And to be honest, I enjoyed the lifestyle as a thing of the past- the laughs, all the different personalities of friends, the post-bar-closing tea-time with the Cowell brothers, the cash, the lifestyle.

But those days are done, and I'm glad I don't work in a restaurant anymore.

~ J-dub

Do they make a Hot Pocket this flavor?

Ok, so this posting is long overdue seeing as how I
was in Thailand a month ago and my memory gets weaker
every Friday/Saturday (why is that?).  I have been
invited to do a guest blog about an experience I had
during my visit that will be hard to forget: Thai
Drunk Food.

Now if you have ever decided to drink more alcohol
than your mother would like you to (which 99.99%
percent of the 5 people reading this have), you should
have a pretty good idea about Drunk Food.  It’s that
last-ditch effort to compensate for all the alcohol in
your stomach by filling it up with the most unhealthy
yet delicious meal you can find at 2:30 A.M. (like
greasy pizza or Del Taco).  When I lived and schooled
in Davis, a popular spot was the 24-hour convenience
store a few blocks from the bars that offered expired
food at twice the price.  Of course, after a long
night of drinking, it was like Thanksgiving dinner in
there.  My point is, at that time of night and in that
condition, we all know we are willing to eat our own
fists if they were dipped in ranch dressing.

Now that we have been reminded of that state we often
find ourselves in, I will take you back to a few weeks
ago in the Ratchada district of Bangkok, where John
and I spent a lovely night out with two wacky Thai
girls.  We had just blown an ass load of baht drinking
at the popular 400 Club and had decided we were at our
limit.  The four of us worked our way down the stairs
and into the busy streets of Bangkok.  While we
scanned the area for available taxis, my eyes stopped
on a man riding a red motorcycle with a glass covered
side car.  A small light in the glass case allowed me
to check out who was riding shotgun with our late
night entrepreneur: large tins of various fried bugs.
Ew.  So I bump John on the shoulder and point the
sidecar and go “Look man!  Thai drunk food!”  John
pretends to think I am funny and laughs but then the
girls notice my actions and run over to the cart in
excitement.  They start pointing to different trays
and the man fills a little French fry tray with each
bug they desire.  Then he pours some sort of powdered
seasoning over them and suddenly our lady-friends are
proud owners of an insect massacre.

We hop in a taxi and the girls start going at them.
John and I look at each other like they had just
pulled knives on us and wonder where this is going to
head.  Then, before I knew it, the girl next to me is
popping Jiminy Cricket into my mouth.  I have no
choice but to chomp down on it and bust him apart into
a mess of wings, legs and shell (thankfully no top hat
and cane).  Hmmm, not bad.  A little grainy, but the
seasoning kinda makes it taste like popcorn.  She pops
another one in.  This one is a grub of some sort.  It
explodes in my mouth like a flavor bomb, releasing his
gooey content all over my tongue.  Ok, that wasn’t
cool.  I’m out.  She pops one more in.  By now I am
just trying to be nice and pretend I am enjoying them
while I gulp them down before I realize what I am
chewing.

Eventually I draw the line and decide I’m full and the
girls polish off the rest.  I wonder to myself, if
they came to the US, how would they survive at 2:00
A.M.?  While we are all heading to Jack in the Box,
would they be running into the back alleys and fields
searching out the perfect meal?  Ok, probably not.
But that is just a glimpse of what’s happening on the
other side of the world.  And I am happy I tried it.
Hell, I’ll do it again… so long as I have had my
bottle of Johnny Black and a few tall Singhas.

~ Frenchy

[Note: Pictures are from a different day, but exactly
the same concept]

Johnny D's Been Working Out

In a surprising transformation, Johnny D is HUGE!!!

~ J-Dub

Best Christmas Present

My sweet lady-friend gave me a christmas present before I left home for the States. She wrapped the gift in really nice wrapping paper along with a bow on top, and I was completely surprised that she would get me anything considering there are more Mormons than Christians in Thailand.

To my utter gut-wrenching laughter, I opened the present to find.... a pink tricycle with a schoolgirl clock on the front wheel and a styro-foam light attached to the back wheels. See above pic. I cannot over-emphasize how hard I laughed when I took it out of the box and how long I continued to laugh while trying to find a plug to turn it on. I think she didn't quite know how to react to my reaction, but when she asked if I liked it, I just laughed harder.

Wow, got to give it to the Thai's for their style. How can you top a present like this?

~ J-Dub

Christmas Photos

Check out the new Christmas Photos at my Flickr site.

Christmas Report

J-Dub is having a fantastic time while back in the States. He was able to see almost everyone he could and spent some qt with the fam. But the trip was not without mishaps. He and his fam escaped the rains and floods after narrowly fleeing the Russian River and heading up to Sacramento. The trip (which usually takes 2 hours) totaled 6 hours. There was stop and go traffic along Highway 80 up til the point where the whole West bound lanes were submersed in water and spilling over into the East bound lanes. I've never seen anything like that before on Highway 80.

But we are alright now, and I just got a new 30 gig iPod with the Video capabilities. Yes, I hate Apple, but I capitulated. I must admit it's pretty sweet.

Pictures of the trip are on the way...

~ J-Dub

SNL is back?

Good lookin' out by Turd who brings us the SNL skit known commonly as the "Cronicles of Narnia Rap". Cop it while it's hot.

~ J-Dub

I'm going, going, back, back, to Cali, Cali...

... and Bear is going back to Cambodia for the holidays. I can't wait. In two hours I will check through the biggest damnicle bag ever packed. It contains all my work related advertising and close to 20,000 gifts. Is it worth it? I don't know. The best travelling advice I've ever received was from my brother Phil just before I left for Europe for 6 months. He said to me, "Bring half as much stuff as you think you need, and twice as much money as you think you need." His wisdom should be in a book.

Bear-Bear is now in Cambodia where he'll stay for Christmas before heading up to Laos and then back to BKK for New Years. Despite all his travels, he somehow he managed to extend his Abercrombie contract until 2006. I think they like the fact that he's a world traveller. Beautiful people travel too.....

~ J- Dub

The Power of Flow

So to put all rumors to rest - the ladies love Bear. We were at the new Siam Paragon (15Billion Baht new) mall last weekend, when Bear was approached by 6 fine Thai girls dressed in yellow sun dresses along with two older ladies and a middle aged dude. They all sort of crowded around us and Bear and I were a bit confused about how to react. But one of the ladies explained that they were scouting agents from Abercrombie and told us that the company is launching a huge presence in Thailand this Spring and they are looking for models.

They basically were talking directly to Bear, so I just smiled and listened. So I was surprised when they asked us both to do a fashion shoot with them. Hesitant, I declined as male-modeling is not my thing. But Bear was a little more adventurous. He gave them his info and they said they would call him soon. Just after they left, two of the girls came back and asked him for his number. That bastard- it's amazing how chicks just gaze into his eyes dreaming of little Bear babies.....

Sure enough Abercrombie called the next day on Sunday. They agreed to meet out where we live, so Bear did a photo-shoot with them. Wow was it a production. And wow were there some fine ladies. There were about ten people for the camera crew alone. They had a whole truck designated for clothes, and two other model dudes (one Thai, one other white dude). The whole event was pretty quick - they wrapped up everything in two hours. But they blocked off a whole square block in the process.

I was able to sneak a pic of Bear on my digi-camera. They said it will be in the new Abercrombie Spring line.

Not only is Bear now a male model, the 70's are back this Spring.

~ J-Dub

Engrish Text Messages

These random text messages have been sent to our phones from people we know. In no way have they been changed to protect the identity of the senders:

Received Dec 9 at 20:51:29
"Hi! V r friend. v e a good time. I am vere happy. If u v e if you have sth. I can help pls call me all the time."

Received Dec 4 at 23:01:43
"Doodnight and I will dream to you"

Received Dec 4 at 22:18:05
"Hi tonigst i not can go outside pe cause nowi i m staying at my parent"

Received Dec 2 at 22:12:51
"So this sucks- there are 4 girls, the damn taxi didnt know where to go, we got out, i had to pay, we are in new taxi and they still dont know where to go and they are all shouting in Thai. Bear Bear is not amused. I just need a drink!"

Received Nov 30 at 22:07:49
Hi. Where are you now? I thing of you."

Visitors Visit

The Cali Thais are happy to report on the newest of their visitors - Frenchy!, a hilarious dude who is a SF resident and a UCD lacrosse alumni. Before his arrival I warned him over SKYPE Phone that he ought to prepare himself for the ladies. You see, Frenchy a handsome dude and has naturally blond hair and white, white skin to complement his light colored eyes. This is the perfect combination of attributes that will send a young Thai girl into an infatuation frenzy.

Well his second night here he met a cute girl and now he can't get enough (and neither can she). I think it's great for him disregarding the fact that his travel plans are now foiled. Because in lieu of waking up early to go to Hua Hin and instead of watching Harry Potter in VIP luxury seats yesterday night, he chose hanging out with his new girlfriend at a club where he helped finish the majority of a bottle of Johnny Walker's Black Label. Needless to say, he is over his jet lag and onto just plain lag today. (The VIP luxury theaters are awesome by the way. They have huge lazy boy recliner seats, attendants who serve you anything you would like from snacks to a full bar. Great sound, huge screen. Booze is extra but a huge basket of carmel popcorn and salted popcorn served for free.)

While it's not surprising that Frenchy found a cute girl who is cool and who likes him, it is interesting that he managed this with a full beard. We're not talking a little, we're talking a lot of hair. The kind that all the dudes go, "Wow man, that beard rocks," but all the chicks simply say, "I think you look better without it." I reckoned before he got here that Frenchy might have some difficulty with the ladies if he sports facial hair because all the feedback Bear and I receive about beards is negative or inconclusive. By inconclusive I mean the nay balls response where someone pulls the, "well it's really up to you. If you like it, then you should keep it. Yeah, it's up to you." I hate it when people do not have the huevos to opine. C'mon, you either like it or ya don't. Go ahead and say it.

For instance, I was getting my laundry back from our laundry lady down the road, and I had about a two week scruff going. I liked not having to shave, but was pretty indifferent about it. Curious, I asked her to opine on it. With her limited English vocabulary, she responded by saying my name and making her hands into the form of guns and pretended to shoot. Yeah, she was saying that I looked like a robber. Fortunately, Frenchy doesn't look like a robber with his beard. Instead he looks like a truck driver who sells meth out of his big rig when he puts on his blue aviator sunglasses.

It's Frenchy!

~ J -Dub

Crazy Maybe, but Not Saddam

Mel Gibson has recently been accused of being Saddam Hussein. While the resemblance is striking and they are both very hairy dudes, the matter had to be settled for once and for all. Cali Thais have researched deeper into this claim and have concluded after careful DNA analysis, retinal scans, dental records, a long string of alibies, and psychological examination that Mel Gibson is, infact, not Saddam Hussein.

Unfortunately, this doesn't clear him of being a bit crazy. It seems that he has developed a taste for dead languages - and not just the typical ones like Latin (by the way, Dubb speaks Latin... way to go buddy). I'm talking the obscure, off the wall languages that no one understands. Take the Passion of Christ, for example. Anyone in the audience understand what they are saying? Nope. Well, he is at it again with an ancient Mayan dialect. Why, one might ask, does he want to direct yet another movie that must be read rather than heard? Who knows.. Next question: why is Mel donating the movie set to Mexico when he is finished? Do they really need a bunch of two-walled house facades and a giant painted styrofoam Mayan pyramid? I thought the original stone version was nice Mel, but if you think yours is better. . . go get'em tiger.

~Bear

Last Weekend: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Bear has returned from hiatus to bring you his perspective on what was a fun-filled (though mostly in retrospect) weekend. Let's rewind to last Friday. The Dubbs and I had put forth a solid week in the office with some excellent results, so we decided we ought to have a fun night out. One of J-Dubb's friends wanted to go out with us after she got off work, so we suggested she bring a friend - she agrees.

I jump in the shower to get so fresh and so clean and the ladies arrive before I get out. I wasn't expecting them to get there so fast, so I hadn't brought any clothes into the bathroom. Clad in nothing but Tesco Lotus' (our grocery superstore) finest bathtowel, I step out of the bathroom and cross the hall to my bedroom to get dressed. But in that brief moment I looked down the hall to see who was accompanying Dubb's friend. Suddenly my big plans for a fun night out with some new friends were deflated a little as I got only the briefest of glimpses of a girl who, how do I say tactfully, was not the most attractive twenty-something year old I'd ever seen. As I was getting dressed, I thought "who cares, could still be fun. And it is always good to meet new people." With that mantra in mind, I had the right attitude and stepped fully clothed into the livingroom.... but that attitude wasn't enough to prepare me for what I saw.

As I got closer to the now well-lit living room, I realized that my eyes had previously deceived me. Sitting on our sofa chair was no mere homely looking girlfriend of Dubb's friend, but a boy named Bobby who was wearing makeup and women's clothing. Well, this night was going to be more exciting than I had thought. Awesome friend selection. Awesome.

Turns out Bobby wasn't the only friend that came along. I looked out the window to our balcony and saw that there was the silouette of another girl. Moments later she walked inside and it took a total of about 3.5 seconds for me to realize that I had about as much interest in her as I did in Bobby. She carried a scowl that screamed "look how happy I am." I would tell you her name but I can't remember it - nor did I ever know it now that I think about it. Guess that shows you how excited I was that she came along. Once again, awesome.

As we headed down for the taxi, Big J and I joked that the two boys should sit up front and the three girls should sit in the back. Unfortunately the girls-from-birth beat Dubb and I to the front seat so we had to pile in the back with good ol' Bobby. As we were climbing in, I whispered "I'm all about being your wingman tonight, but I have my limits" and climbed in by the window putting Dubb in the middle. A good portion of the way, Bobby was trying to joke around and tease us Western peeps. Nothing like a gay guy in makeup, tight jeans, a woman's coat, and a lispy Thai accent teasing you to get your Friday kickstarted into high gear.

Once we got to the club, our luck seemed to change a bit. The Greek Gods of Friday Nights woke up from their slumber and got to work. The bar required ID (except of course, if your skin is like a snowflake) and low and behold, Bobby had forgotten his. One down, one to go. We get in there and grabbed a table, ordered some food and tasty adult beverages and start to talk to the girls. For sure, J Dubb is in the clear with a fun, cool girl. I on the other hand, was not about to give my number to the bundle of joy who had come along. She looked like she was ready to either start crying or start yelling at me at any moment. Yeah, Awesome. Oh, and may I also add that she befell into the 4-4-6 category (see Dubb's post below). And those fours were because I was in a good mood. The six part (her English ability, no personality bonus involved here) actually worked to her detrament. More about that in a moment. Things are going fine, the band is playing, then a very large (to put it kindly) gay man dressed in full drag does a song on stage. Good singing, bad look. But it gets worse. He (if that is what one dressed in a purple moo-moo wearing a pink wig should be called) was then joined by the lead singer of another band for a comedy skit. Lucky us, they decided to pick on the only two white dudes in the whole club. They start talking to us from on stage and making all kinds of jokes about Americans and the two of us. How many gay dudes are we going to get to make fun of us in one night? Nothing feels quite as nice as having a whole club full of people turn to look at you and laugh - while you have no idea what it is that they are saying. Awesome.

Just to top it all off, we head back to our place for a few more drinks (oh yeah, and pensive girl doesn't drink). Suddenly, Miss shy/angry/scared/confused starts telling me about this guy she knows named Ken and how he is such a great person and she loves him so much and soon she hopes they can start dating, and on and on... and on some more. For the first time, I thought to myself - "why does she have to be able to speak English so well? I liked it more when she was too agry/shy/pensive to talk." But I figured, I need to help my cuz out and keep this one out of his hair while he is talking to his friend. So I sit and listen about this friend and how he is perfect, loves pigs and kittens, speaks Mandarin and likes the sea. Subsequently it means that this girl also loves pigs, kittens, learned to speak Mandarin, and likes the sea. Turns out this girl is absolutely obsessed with Ken. And I was wrong to assume he was some close friend she just hadn't built up the courage to tell she loved him, or even a work associate. I later realize that Ken is just a Taiwanese pop star from a band called F-4 that she saw in concert three times. She is totally enamered with this guy, and has only talked to him one time when she got his autograph. Now we refer to her as F-4, because we have no idea what her name really is.

So, in conclusion, F-4 go get-em. I'm sure you are right: Ken, the pop superstar of Taiwan, is actually waiting for you and your big smile.

~Bear

Pardon Me Sir, Where Can I Yak?

Go ahead, take a guess what this glorious invention is. How about a hint: It's too big to be used as sit down toilet, yet too low to be a sink. There's no door to enclose it. It can flush, and there's a facet connected to the side.

Well the first time I saw one of these things was in the men's restroom in a large restaurant in Bangkok. Stumped, my Thai friend explained that it was used to puke in. Tell me that's not awesome. It's a designated puke tank equipt with running water. And clever as the Thai's are, it's at the perfect height (pertched on a wee ledge) so if you bend over in normal puking fashion, your stream will be a direct hit. And it's wide enough to avoid any spillage on the sides. Why aren't these more common in Nascar tracks, fraternities, and college dorms?

Brilliant.... Sheer brilliance right here.

I didn't drink enough to try it out.

~ J-dub

Our New Friend Puggy From Burma; Our New Rating System

Last Sunday the weather was perfect. Outside our balcony we have a perfect view of our communal tennis court in our condo complex. Looking down we noticed that the sun was shining brilliantly on the green turf below, making for perfect tanning conditions. Usually in the BKK, you wouldn't want to come anywhere near direct sunlight in midday. The intensity of the sun is fierce, and sweating balls is often inevitable. But this Sunday was different. The weather resembled San Diego more than anywhere in the tropics. So we headed down to play some tennis.

Because both Bear and I would be classified generously as novices at tennis, we always bring our lacrosse sticks down to throw around. This is so that if anyone laughs at our poor tennis skills, we can immediately stuptify their curiosity with kick ass lax skills. This is exactly how we met Puggy, a Burma native who speaks English with impecable proficiency. He saw us throwing a ball around with crazy looking sticks and was immediately intrigued. We hit it off with him right away making plenty of jokes about the Thai culture and discussing the Burmese politics and Buddism. His affable nature encouraged us to invite him to dinner. What a great idea.

Puggy promised his monk in Burma that he wouldn't drink alcohol, and when he told us this, we just assumed that this dude was a pretty straight laced kid. In fact, he is only in Thailand to visit his family for a short time before he heads to Ontario to begin studying at University. Well, Big P was true to his word and didn't touch a drop of alcohol. But that didn't stop Bear and I. Nothing crazy, since it was a Sunday, but we had a few brews in us and there was a "buy three get one free" deal for the 20oz bottles (that's a guess, btw... my Thai reading skills have a long way to go..). When we declined a second round, Puggy randomly says while taking a drag from his cigarette, "wow, I wish I could drink with you. I could drink about 24 of these bottles in a night."

"No way! There's no way," Bear and I retorted. Maybe drinking led to the nickname 'Puggy.' I didn't ask. But Bear did ask, "How long ago did you stop drinking?"

"For one month I stopped. I promised my monk that I wouldn't drink while I was here in Thailand," he responded. This immediately changed our view of the man. Maybe he wasn't as straight-edged as we originally thought.

Well, drinking among dudes enevitably leads to talking about women, and this Sunday night was no different. We explained our newly devised rating system. This clever system was a response to the problem of our phones having a variety of obscure names like, "Net, Nouch, and Ni" all in a row. Let me tell you, it is not an easy task to keep these names matched correctly to the faces. Hence our Rating System:

[NAME] (Number 1-10), (Number 1-10), (Number 1-10)

Example:

Net 7, 9, 4

The first number is for the face.
The second number is for the body.
The thrid is a combination of personality and knowledge of English.

The girl's name may or may not be followed by the location of the meeting place, depending on how many characters require entry. As in most systems, 10 is high and 1 is low. As we have seen in practice, the third number tends to produce both discussion and analysis of the number depending on the case. This is fun.

Enjoying the immediate benefits of our new system, we asked Puggy if he or his buddies ever rated girls. This was his response:

"Yes, but just one time... Well. In Burma there was a girl that was with a man but they stopped seeing each other. She had a shop near my house and everyday I would go over and see her, I was always there. You know, in Burma, people see each other in their own and don't go out. Something like this. So after a little while I took her out and we went out to dinner, yeah man? Then I took her back to my home, and I did you know... with her. She said no, no stop, but I knew that she really wanted it. You know because the next time I see her she doesn't ask she just does it. She was like close to me [motions someone getting close to his side] so I know that she likes...."

Slight pause

Bear says, "No, No, No... Rate, R..A...T...E... There is no P."

Puggy thinking

"OOOOHHHH !!! Yeah, Yeah, I know, I know rate... like the numbers" exclaimed Puggy.

We all started laughing hysterically. We told Puggy that he probably didn't want to tell people about this to anyone in Canada. Even if, you know, "this is the Burma way."

This was one of the better lost in translation stories for 'ya.

~ J-Dub

Ladies, Ladies...

Your needlessly deprived years of "physiologically based sexual dysfunction" will all but be restored when the new wonder sniff drug of PT-141 arrives at your local pharmacy. As the Daily Times of Pakistan reports, "Equal-opportunity sex drug just a sniff away."

Don't worry, both Bear and J-Dub are available. And Yes, they will make your dreams come true. Not because they are used to sniffing substances up their noses and fucking like a Rick James Disco Party, but because they believe in science and think no woman should be deprived of sexual enlightment.

Renter the 80's stage left....

.... and please, no monkeys ladies and gentlemen.

Emptor Cave !

Thanks to Local 6 for bring us this headline, "Thai Tourists Warned Of Sedative-Spitting Transvestites." Sorry Bear, looks like you're gonna have to keep your tongue in your mouth.

Bonsai Kittens

I got a chain e-mail today entitled "This is Fucked up!" from a fellow traveler I met in Budapest. The e-mail is as follows:

"FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ANY RESPECT FOR ANIMALS a site that we were able to shut last year has returned. We are trying to shut it down again!

A man in New York breeds and sells kittens that are called BONSAI CATS. That would sound cute if they weren't kittens, only days old, that were squeezed into tiny bottles after being given a tranquiliser, then kept there for the rest of their lives so they can be put on a mantelpiece to be poked and laughed at. The cats are fed through a straw and their faces struggle to reach up the neck of the bottle where there's a tiny airhole. They are treated like absolute shit. The skeleton of the kitten will take on the form of the bottle as the kitten grows. The cats never get the opportunity to move apart from the first few days they are alive with their mother. These 'ornaments' are sold cheaply and used as souvenirs. They are the latest trends in New York, China, Indonesia and New Zealand.

If you're still not convinced PLEASE LOOK ON http://www.bonsaikitten.com/Please help to stop this sickness. Spare a thought for them today. This petition needs 1000 names, so please put your one name on it! Copy the text into a new email and put your name on the bottom, then send it to everyone you know. If there are 1000 names on the list, please send it to..."

So I went to the site, and it's pretty funny. The idea, that is, not the practice. I don't believe this for a minute. This is even a better hoax than the BBC story of the Cambodian Midgets Fighting Lions. First, why would you use a shoehorn to get the cat into the bottle? Isn't the kitten on a muscle tranquilizer? Second, there is no mention of how much these cats cost. Third, the site proclaims that "if you take a week-old kitten and throw it to the floor, it will actually bounce! We do not recommend that you try this at home." What? Fourth, the site also explains the kitten's shape (i.e. bone structure) will conform to the shape any container it is in during its development. But I can't find any pictures to back this up. You would think that pictures of deformed kitten heads in the shape of a square would be the ultimate selling point for the sick and twisted.

The one thing I can't figure out is if the guestbook is fake or real. The pro-bonsai kitten letters look questionable. I mean, did a kindergarden teacher really say thank you for the creative teaching lesson in the classroom?

~ J-Dub

Love Hurts

I would like to declare my love for Raquel Gibson, Miss November 2005. Talk about hot AND ethnic. Italian and Filipino never looked so good. Oh yeah, did I mention she has a sister who also is a model?

- J-Dub

See my spinners spinn

Why did I sell my Impala and move to Asia? I mean, you all remember the candy paint driping off the frame, my chain glistnin', with the shorties peepin' the spinners. Looks like I should have waited at least a few months until the Paul Wall CD hit the streets.

Embarrased yes. But I admit that I really, really wish I had a some sort of old school ride tricked out with a couple of tweleves in the trunk bumpin' "Sittin' Sideways". Trust me, just download that one song. Can't say much for the rest of the album. - J-Dub

Public Transit-induced Euphoria

Bangkok's traffic is legendary. The stuff dreams are made of. Or nightmares. Los Angeles has nothing on the statuary condition of Bangkok during rush hour (which seems to extend from about 7AM to 10AM, lunchtime, and 3:30PM to 9PM during the week, and not much lighter at any other hours). This lockdown of motorized vehicles would be a bit more bearable if it weren't for the lack of air quality regulations. Buses, tuk tuks (crazy three wheeled mini-taxis) , motorbikes and taxies often spue out black smoke that would have made Pompei jeolous. Thus, if you are comfortably inside an air con taxi it isn't too bad, but may Buddha help you if you have to walk along the sidewalk of a busy street. Each breath pulls in a cocktail of carcinogens that only a poorly maintained vehicle can offer. Put this together with the hot, sticky conditions that come with the territory of taking walks during the day, and you can feel your skin get grimy with the flatulence of petrolium-fueled vehicles. Because the traffic is ever-present and Bangkok is a maze of one way streets, drivers try to take as many short cuts as possible, avoiding traffic lights and laws. Safety is looked upon as a luxury that time cannot afford. Awesome.

But there is hope, and it comes in several forms. Public transport has given the pedestrian hope for a brighter, faster moving future. The Chao Phrya river is filled with boats and ferries that are fast and less invasive to the environment, but nothing new. The real answer comes in two equaly fantastic forms. The first and most widely used is the Skytrain (BTS). With two lines and stops along all the major points of interest, this elevated train is new, clean, fast, and cheap. Who could ask for more? Oh, and it offers views of the city and has excellent air con, so there. The second ideal tool for escaping the heat and the taxi meter is also a train. To board this one you go down, not up. The Underground (MRT) is newer and even faster than the Skytrain. This ingenius piece of engineering is probably among the nicest subways in the world. The subway's single line covers the main business district and also offers easy connection to the further-spanning Skytrain. So cheap, so fast, and so much better than sitting in a parked taxi.
~Bear

Know Your Septic Systems

According to the WHO / UNICEF, a meager 14% of the rural population in Cambodia has access to "improved sanitation." This includes flush wastewater toilets connected to sewer or septic systems, flush systems unconnected to sewer or septic, and simple latrines or pits unconnected. This means that 86% of the rural population has "no facility / field." That's right, most people use the ol' don't ask, don't tell policy and use the jungle as discretely as possible. So that's why everything is so green during the rainy season....

Well, considering their water sources are from pits dug in the ground to collect rainwater, it should surprise no one that there is so much disease and malnutrition in these rural villages. (Not to mention urban sanitation where a pultry 60% of the population has access to "improved sanitation"). That is why am researching septic systems. From what I've found, they aren't really difficult to make, and I'm considering the construction of some pilot projects in Cambodia.

While researching, I came upon a great, nay awesome, web site. It's called How Stuff Works. It has step by step instructions on everything from the Death Star to Botox. As a caveat, it took all my will power not to spend hours looking around. But it definitely has good info on septic systems for anyone considering a weekend project. Like they say, don't shit where you eat. Really, it's important.

~ J-Dub

BOO-YA KA-SHA !

Dancehall Reggae megastar Sean Paul and distant cousin of Canadian rapping legend Snow*, is back at his grindin' bass thumpin' music with The Trinity. He has that nack of making hypnotic music to the point that you can't help but move to it. In the presense of skilled dancers it's exceptionally entertaining to watch. Look no further than the "Get Busy" video. Equally entertaining perhaps might the PUMA dancing with a different kind of skill to the same song. I always knew that I liked Sean Paul, but the Puma was the one who would pay true homage by bumping the SP in my room every Friday night at 2am.

I'll save the full review for the Jo-Tel but I will say it might be a good thing that you can only understand every third word, or if not, the last word of each line he rhymes. A portion of a verse from " We Be Burnin' " :

Dis purple haze it mek mi crazy
mek mi write nuff tune and dat's what pays me
But i'm not di only occupation
Going' to get some I give yuh education
When a farmer grows it he knows to close it
Economical benefit help wit dose who have fi deh yah pon di hard jugglin
Cau di system only keep man strugglin
Studyin people a use it don't abuse it
Cau di concentration well reputed
Dat's why herb man dem a di wise one
And it found on di grave of king Solomon
And weed good fi di eye sight and di chest sight
And it give nuff insight gust gimme di light
and mek we blaze it da roof we a be raisin'

Holy crap they get some great stuff in Jamaica. Who would have known SP would make such a great educator. He has my nomination for director of the Department of Education. Just think what he could do with the 71.5 Billion Dollar Education budget. Talk about no child left behind. How happy would the youth today be? Yeah, they might be a few minutes late for class, or forget an occasional social science diorama but according to SP, as long as they don't abuse the trees, they will be excellent students and futher wise when their old. I'm sold.

After reading this verse, I think Sean Paul is saying the more you smoke, the less you make sense, but if you sing with a rapid fire, fluctuating Jamaican accent- no one will notice.

* The relationship between Sean Paul and Snow is purely speculation.

~ J-Dub

Being sick is not fun

Both Bear and I have been sick at different times in the last week, since our trip to Cambodia. First Bear had hot/cold sweats before he developed a lingering cough which he still has. He had the pleasure of sitting next to live chickens on the bus ride back to Bangkok. Then two days ago, I woke up with tremendous fatigue and soreness all over followed by a wicked headache and hot/cold sweats. I won't bother anyone with the "explosive" details, but it's not fun.

The good news is that it's probably not Bird Flu because we are still alive. We both have not been to the doctor, but each day we have one less symptom. But it was scary to compare the symptoms of Bird Flu and our conditions. This is especially concerning when Monday CNN reports that a women who lives in our same district of Bankok, Nonthaburi, caught a case of bird flu.

Nonetheless you would have no idea that bird flu even exists judging by the normality of everyday live. Hopefully it's not N5H1 and as the saying goes, you have to experience the lows to appreciate the highs.

~J-Dub

Michael Learns to Rock

Do you know the most famous band in America? In all of America? Turns out: it is Michael Learns To Rock. I nor Bear had never heard of them, and this is partly due to the fact that there not even from America, they're from Denmark.

But while in Cambodia, every other question we were asked was do you know MLR or are you here to see MLR? Sorry, who? Because of their mispronunciation, it took about three times to finally understand the same question. But we came to learn that these guys were playing in a concert in Phnom Penh, which was hosting its "first international concert."

Everyone was really excited to see them (it was broadcasted on TV as well), and all the Cambodians wondered what we thought of them. They were shocked to learn that we had never heard of them. Astounded, they looked at us like we were crazy because we didn't know the most famous band in our own country. We finally figured out where all the confusion is from:

The Cambodian press was promoting MLR as "the most famous band in all of America." Well, beat me with a rubber hose, I never knew. I think MLR should change their name to "Michael Learns to Rock In Closed Information Asian Countries." Oh, yeah, their next stop was in China.

~ J-Dub

Going to jail in Cambodia (and getting beat with a rubber hose)

According to sources close to the Cali Thais, prisions in Cambodia aren't as terrible as you might think. Bear's brother knows a fellow Khmer kickboxer buddy who is in jail for allegedly kicking the shit out of someone. The guy claims he didn't do it, but since he is known around Siem Reap as being the best kickboxer, accusations were taken as fact and he is locked up indefinitely. Apparently the vicitim had "holes" in three different parts of his head. So B's bro went to visit the guy in jail.

The good- the Cambodian jail system feeds, clothes, and provides shelter for all the inmates. The bad- it administers beating the inmates with a rubber hose every morning. That's right, a rubber hose. Why would they beat inmates? To give them discipline? Keep them in check? Is this a form of Cambodian capital punishment? Is this a cultural ritual, or some archaic common law similar to those in the Southern US states? No.... It's to remind the inmates that jail is worse than normal life. Leave the romanticized vision of the farmer picking rice in the fields for the children and the ignorant; life in rural villages is like permantly camping without an REI to buy high tech tents and wicking socks. Similar to Rousseau's notion of savage man before the passions took root (Hobbes had it all wrong).

But beatings aside, the real kicker is how fucked the justice system is. The alleged offense took place two months ago, and there is a preliminary trial set for six months from now. Despite the date of his trial, he already knows that he will be in jail for 6 years or until someone pays for his release. No, no, not bail. More like pay the fine and you go, no questions asked. The fine is set at $1000. This poor guy (quite literally) can't afford this, he is bound to spend the next six years waking up to the crack of rubber. So much for the Sixth Admendment, and it shows what six years of someone's life is worth in Cambodia.

Just a quick example of how corruption runs rampant, and the difficulty of progress in the country.

- Dubbers

Off to Cambodia

The Cali Thais will be on hiatus from blogging while they travel to Cambodia for a visa run. Fear not as we will be back soon, in about a week or so. Until then, love your neighbor like you love your mom.

Sopranos Update

Episode 24 airs tonight in selected living rooms around the world.

Almost a full day worth of continuous Sopranos satisfaction is under our belt.

So what's good? I recommend the stawberry flavored chicken

With a limited selection of restaurants in our immediate area near our office, Bear and I regularly frequent a place called "Born Street Stakehouse." The name is misleading because it's not a steak house and the name of the steet where it's located is actually 'Bond St.' But that's beside the point-- it has quality Thai food, classy atmosphere, and affordable prices. Not wanting to effort the two blocks to eat there, we decided to order in.

Bear places the should-be simple order of: 2 steamed rice, 1 lemon-grass chicken, 2 masiman curry, and 2 ice-teas with milk.

But the regular guy who speaks better-than-average-broken-english was absent, and in his place, Bear was forced to talk to three different people to get the right order. He suspected that the last person who could finally understand what he wanted was most likely a customer.

After 20 minutes, we get our order: 2 steamed rice, 2 masiman, 1 french fries, and 1 grilled chicken, and 2 ice-teas with no milk. Not bad... In fact, they were pretty damn close. But the most troubling thing was that the grilled chicken tasted like strawberries. How you can make chicken taste like strawberries, I haven't a guess, but it was delicious. Not an overwhelmingly pungent taste, but just a subtle hint.

So here's the lesson: What you expect may differ form what you actually get, but don't get angry because it just might taste remarkably like stawberry. And who doesn't like stawberry?

~ J- Dub

Bird Flu(ke) Comic is Disturbing

From the Saturday edition of The Nation. Can someone explain how this is funny? Can you imagine the uproar this would stir in the States? Wow, only here.

~ J-Dub

Trip to Phuket

After the devestating December Tsumani, the main revenue of tourism in the stunning island of Phuket was hit very hard. There were claims that many Thais were reluctant to visit due to fears of the island being cursed. But with many extraodinary deals from hotels, airlines, and tour operators, the reboud seems imment for the high season starting next month. The reconstuction in the last nine months of many of the resorts was amazing.


Bear, myself, and my college friend Emmeline who is visiting all ventured to Phuket for a three night work/play adventure. We got some great flight deals and fortunate to have wonderful cousins who offered their timeshare so we had accomodation covered. It was great to get out of the office and enjoy the surroundings of a truely amazing island. The beaches are gorgeous with white sand and prestine green and blue water.

We rented boogie boards one day, laughed loads, and drank booze by the beach. Bear however, accomplished a lot for work, inspecting hotels, smoozing, and negotiating hotel contract rates. He was on point. Especially driving our rented car, which is no small feat because in Thailand they drive on the wrong side of the road (i.e. the U.K.) and locals drive like it's their first time in a car.

You should definitely think about visiting.

~J-Dub

J-Dub and Michael Owen

Never in my life have I been mistaken for a celeberty nor do I think I look particularly like any celeberty. But ever since I moved to Thailand I can't shake people coming up and saying that I look like the Newcastle United Striker Michael Owen.

Because I don't follow soccer on any level, I had no idea who this dude was. And to be honest I really didn't care until the seventh Thai mentioned the resemblance. That's when I thought I should do some research to make sure this dude wasn't some notorious sexual pedator that was wanted by the authorities. Well to my surprise, he's an international soccer star.

I really don't know how to feel about this. On the one hand, it's flattering because he's a pretty good looking guy. But on the other hand, he's way better looking. Let the pictures speak for themselves. I could make excuses like the lighting in Owen's photo makes him look better, or having spent all day in the sun, my lobster red face just doesn't compare to Owen's brozen tan. But I won't make excuses and instead capitualate to modesty.

What do you do in situations like this? The next time someone brings it up, should I pretend to be Michael's brother and delve into a witty fictional anecdote about how Michael used to wet his bed when he was young? Say thank you and smile in my best Owen impression?

~ J-Dub

How Johnny D is Good

Johnny D affirmed his vast coolness in the area of design when he finished a logo for the nonprofit charity, Journeys Within Our Community. It took about 2 months to sort out the final decision via emailing and skype, but worth the wait.

To all the doubters who scoff at the man, let it be known: Johnny D is good at design and he is philanthropic. Thank you Johnny D.

~ J-Dub