Last Weekend: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Bear has returned from hiatus to bring you his perspective on what was a fun-filled (though mostly in retrospect) weekend. Let's rewind to last Friday. The Dubbs and I had put forth a solid week in the office with some excellent results, so we decided we ought to have a fun night out. One of J-Dubb's friends wanted to go out with us after she got off work, so we suggested she bring a friend - she agrees.

I jump in the shower to get so fresh and so clean and the ladies arrive before I get out. I wasn't expecting them to get there so fast, so I hadn't brought any clothes into the bathroom. Clad in nothing but Tesco Lotus' (our grocery superstore) finest bathtowel, I step out of the bathroom and cross the hall to my bedroom to get dressed. But in that brief moment I looked down the hall to see who was accompanying Dubb's friend. Suddenly my big plans for a fun night out with some new friends were deflated a little as I got only the briefest of glimpses of a girl who, how do I say tactfully, was not the most attractive twenty-something year old I'd ever seen. As I was getting dressed, I thought "who cares, could still be fun. And it is always good to meet new people." With that mantra in mind, I had the right attitude and stepped fully clothed into the livingroom.... but that attitude wasn't enough to prepare me for what I saw.

As I got closer to the now well-lit living room, I realized that my eyes had previously deceived me. Sitting on our sofa chair was no mere homely looking girlfriend of Dubb's friend, but a boy named Bobby who was wearing makeup and women's clothing. Well, this night was going to be more exciting than I had thought. Awesome friend selection. Awesome.

Turns out Bobby wasn't the only friend that came along. I looked out the window to our balcony and saw that there was the silouette of another girl. Moments later she walked inside and it took a total of about 3.5 seconds for me to realize that I had about as much interest in her as I did in Bobby. She carried a scowl that screamed "look how happy I am." I would tell you her name but I can't remember it - nor did I ever know it now that I think about it. Guess that shows you how excited I was that she came along. Once again, awesome.

As we headed down for the taxi, Big J and I joked that the two boys should sit up front and the three girls should sit in the back. Unfortunately the girls-from-birth beat Dubb and I to the front seat so we had to pile in the back with good ol' Bobby. As we were climbing in, I whispered "I'm all about being your wingman tonight, but I have my limits" and climbed in by the window putting Dubb in the middle. A good portion of the way, Bobby was trying to joke around and tease us Western peeps. Nothing like a gay guy in makeup, tight jeans, a woman's coat, and a lispy Thai accent teasing you to get your Friday kickstarted into high gear.

Once we got to the club, our luck seemed to change a bit. The Greek Gods of Friday Nights woke up from their slumber and got to work. The bar required ID (except of course, if your skin is like a snowflake) and low and behold, Bobby had forgotten his. One down, one to go. We get in there and grabbed a table, ordered some food and tasty adult beverages and start to talk to the girls. For sure, J Dubb is in the clear with a fun, cool girl. I on the other hand, was not about to give my number to the bundle of joy who had come along. She looked like she was ready to either start crying or start yelling at me at any moment. Yeah, Awesome. Oh, and may I also add that she befell into the 4-4-6 category (see Dubb's post below). And those fours were because I was in a good mood. The six part (her English ability, no personality bonus involved here) actually worked to her detrament. More about that in a moment. Things are going fine, the band is playing, then a very large (to put it kindly) gay man dressed in full drag does a song on stage. Good singing, bad look. But it gets worse. He (if that is what one dressed in a purple moo-moo wearing a pink wig should be called) was then joined by the lead singer of another band for a comedy skit. Lucky us, they decided to pick on the only two white dudes in the whole club. They start talking to us from on stage and making all kinds of jokes about Americans and the two of us. How many gay dudes are we going to get to make fun of us in one night? Nothing feels quite as nice as having a whole club full of people turn to look at you and laugh - while you have no idea what it is that they are saying. Awesome.

Just to top it all off, we head back to our place for a few more drinks (oh yeah, and pensive girl doesn't drink). Suddenly, Miss shy/angry/scared/confused starts telling me about this guy she knows named Ken and how he is such a great person and she loves him so much and soon she hopes they can start dating, and on and on... and on some more. For the first time, I thought to myself - "why does she have to be able to speak English so well? I liked it more when she was too agry/shy/pensive to talk." But I figured, I need to help my cuz out and keep this one out of his hair while he is talking to his friend. So I sit and listen about this friend and how he is perfect, loves pigs and kittens, speaks Mandarin and likes the sea. Subsequently it means that this girl also loves pigs, kittens, learned to speak Mandarin, and likes the sea. Turns out this girl is absolutely obsessed with Ken. And I was wrong to assume he was some close friend she just hadn't built up the courage to tell she loved him, or even a work associate. I later realize that Ken is just a Taiwanese pop star from a band called F-4 that she saw in concert three times. She is totally enamered with this guy, and has only talked to him one time when she got his autograph. Now we refer to her as F-4, because we have no idea what her name really is.

So, in conclusion, F-4 go get-em. I'm sure you are right: Ken, the pop superstar of Taiwan, is actually waiting for you and your big smile.

~Bear