A Skype Conversation in Asia

Note: Real names have been replaced with the Greek alphabet.

Warning: The following contains inter-species erotica and many, many, many, insensitivities that are funny as hell.

Part I --- Elphants rob a truck in Northern Thailand and the story of THE dog reemerges.

Alpha : Listen to this...

Alpha : Elephants stop, loot trucks on dark road

Chachoengsao _ The chief of Khao Ang Rue Nai wants the road through the wildlife sanctuary closed at night after a herd of elephants held up and looted a string of cargo trucks. About midnight last Saturday a herd of 20 elephants blocked route No.3259 (the Ban Nong Kog-Ban Wang Nam Phon road) holding up 10 trucks, Yoo Senatham said.

They tipped some vehicles on their side, spilling the cargoes on the road so their young could eat, and gorged on sugarcane and tapioca.

Beta : awesome

Alpha : Somebody then posted a pencil sketch of an elephant and said it was a police sketch of the suspects... pretty funny

Gamma : when animals attack 3

Beta : they didn't attack, they were just hundry

Alpha : then someone else that any moment the generals here are going to come on TV and say that THAKSIN was behind it

Beta : can you imagine all the Thais yelling and then getting tipped over...priceless

Beta : :)

Gamma : that is so funny, we are all laughing

Alpha : Q: What do you do when an elephant holds you up in the middle of the night?

A: Anything he wants.

Beta : now I am thinking about Alpha and the dog [FN1]...man animals are funny

Alpha : alpha and the dog? what dog?

Beta : oh...THE dog [see FN1]

Alpha : did I get really drunk one night and do something I shouldn't have?

Gamma : no the dog and the snow

Beta : if that dog had had a ruphie [FN2] alpha would be a different man today

Gamma : If I get old and loose my mind the one image I hope to never loose is Alpha and the dog

Alpha : oh, me getting molested by that black dog from Satan's kennel?

Gamma : if Alpha had the ruphie

Beta : yes, if the dog had been able to get a ruphie in Alphas mouth...wooee

Beta : damn it...not having opposable thumbs strikes again!

Gamma : do you keep a jar of peanutbutter next to your bed

Gamma : or does doing a girl doggy style make you break out in a cold sweat

Delta : We don't call it beastiality; we call it interspecies erotica

Alpha : god

Alpha : I don't know what peanut butter is all about...

Alpha : hey, even collies need a little lovin sometimes

Part II --- Old Thai ladies try to save a striped sweatered rat-dog from the jaws of a disgruntled and jealous mutt-dog

Alpha : on a totally different note about dogs: yesterday I suddenly heard women screaming like a ghost was trying to eat their baby. Instead, it was one of the mutt dogs biting onto Pi Meow's tiny dog's head. The big mutt was just sitting there wagging its tail with the entire head of the little one locked between its teeth.

Beta : I shouldn't be, but I'm laughing

Delta : you don't understand Thai culture

Gamma : so I am, out loud

Beta : is the doggy dead?

Alpha : yes, it actually was pretty funny

Gamma : I hope not otherwise I will feel bad for not stoping my laughter

Beta : oh man I wish I could hear Delta say that!

Gamma : yes it is dead?, I am still laughing

Beta : what did you do?

Alpha : it wasn't really hurting the little dog, but I think Pi Meow grabbing the little dog by its hind legs and pulling as hard as she could didn't help

Beta : did you hump the big dog to distract it!?!?!

Beta : revenge is sweet!

Beta : take that big dogs of the worls

Alpha : no, I just stared out the window in total disbelief

Alpha : I think all the gathering Thai Women's screams paralized me into inaction

Beta : you should have shot it

Alpha : it was an orchestra of shrill screams in unison... I think my ears were bleeding

Alpha : yes, but the gun is a little broken now, so the shots don't go very straight. I definately would have hit one of the ladies... which would have been ok too I guess

Gamma : You could have proved that guns in homes save lives but now I still hold my belief they are only a danger and never make you safer

Beta : Epsilon shot his neighbors dog and now they are suing him

Beta : so did the dog live?

Alpha : picture this, two thai ladies pulling two dogs apart by their hind legs screaming like bhanchies, with neighbors from all sides running over in their mumu's and curlers, and a white guy shooting the old ladies.

Delta : "an orchestra of shrill screams in unison" - the band from the Pink party Alpha went to last night

Alpha : yes, I think the dog was fine, but scared shitless. it didn't make it bleed I don't think. It just locked its jaws around the tiny skull of the rat-dog

Delta : they are rat-dogs

Alpha : and get this, the little dog was wearing a striped sweater.

Delta : !?!

Delta : ha ha ha!!!

Delta : you don't understand thai culture

Gamma : that makes it so much better

Gamma : the naked dog ate the clothed dog

Gamma : a dog in a blanket

Alpha : I just thought that was priceless. The mutt was just reminding the little one that gets to roam inside the house not to be such a pompus little prick

Gamma : maybe the dog thought it was a candycane

Beta : maybe it's like the mean kids that mug other kids in the subway for their shoes...

Beta : he wanted the sweater

Alpha : haha

Gamma : sweaters are to thai dog what air jordans were to blacks

Gamma : Alpha, did you put a sweater on you little guy today in hopes it would end up in a mutts mouth

Gamma : sick bastard

Alpha : that's just fowl.

Alpha : yes

Gamma : and at the end of all this the whole neighborhood looked up and saw there strange pasty white neighbor staring down like the creapy strange neighbor whose house always smells funny

Alpha : haha

Gamma : not a word or reaction

Alpha : funny but true

Gamma : just a stare

Alpha : then just recedes back into the shadows

Gamma : thats the guy

Gamma : so funny

Gamma : this morning just got alot better, thanks Alpha

Gamma : and it all started with a robbery

Alpha : glad I could help

[FN1] THE Dog refers to the time when Alpha was in 3rd grade walking home on a particularly snowy day. Alpha was about to reach his home. Suddenly the neighbor's dog pounced like a savage beast and knocked Alpha to the ground. THE dog was a big, big dog and proceeded to fornicate Alpha, whom heavily clothed in a winter attire had limited mobility to fend off the hungry dog. Despite the crys for help, many witnesses could only laugh.

[FN2] Alpha clamied he was 'ruphied' at a full moon party.... It was later confirmed he was just really drunk.