The Cali Thais

This is Genius

2007-12-11T04:31:00.001-08:00

Bear and I had a urinal at our house in BKK, and we never thought of this. Wow, leave it to a four star hotel in Southern Vietnam, and you get this!

Not in The China, But Close

2007-12-11T04:12:00.000-08:00

This is actually in S.F.

Greatful Dead, Golfing, and Cambodia

2007-12-09T02:13:00.000-08:00

I miss golf... a lot. Now that Siem Reap has two golf courses, I was hoping I would get a chance to play. Unfortunately, I haven't yet because prices are completely unreasonable - $70 for 9 holes at Angkor Golf Resort, and over a hundred bones for 18 holes at the Sofitel course. Ok, ok, they are nice courses (supposedly - I've only seen the Sofitel course), but it's just ridiculous to expect to pay that much. So on principle alone I'm waiting to play in Thailand.

To give you an idea of how golf and Cambodia mix, here is the quote from the American who won the inaugural Cambodian Open hosted last week in Siem Reap:

"This is awesome. I would like to dedicate this win to the Grateful Dead, as they have inspired me all the way," said Saltus, who has attended 153 concerts. (Full Article Here)

Go figure. Caution: the photo in the link above is kinda scary.

~ J-Dub

Suitcase Blues

2007-12-07T02:54:00.000-08:00

I laughed to myself the other day when I realized that the extent of what I own fits into two bags that I can carry-on any international flight. In one way, it's liberating. I can book a flight tomorrow and pretty soon be in Botswana.

In another way, I do miss having a home. When Robert Earl Keen says, "there's nothin' better than your own backyard," I can't help but to become insanely jealous of everyone who has that comfort. The only way I can rationalize around it is to think that I would probably be bored quickly of having a backyard and soon want to be where I am now with my two suitcases.

Yet by living modestly for the past few years in Asia, I have a great sense of what I need versus what I want. It's a great perspective to have. I guess this happens when all day your around locals who are careful about spending 2,000 Riel [FN1].

J-Dub

[FN1] 4,000 Riel = 1 USD

Serious Shit

2007-12-06T03:47:00.000-08:00

I'm telling you; letting your kid poop in public is not cool. Dropping your infant's trousers to let him or her poop in the middle of busy market helps no one. Ok, Ok. I understand you don't have to find a toilet so you can hover over your assortment of twenty-cent-per-pair-cheap-ass socks that only Big Bird would buy, but really, that's just plain lazy.

China Makes No Sense

2007-12-05T03:14:00.000-08:00

I don't care what anyone says, this country has a long way to go.

What's Up is What's Going Down

2007-12-04T03:24:00.000-08:00

J-Dub is back in the 'Bodia. It's been a crazy month, and no doubt this month will be no different since I'll be leaving at the new year. So many posts brewing in the back of my dome, but since I can't think of any right now you'll have to wait. But the big news is that J-Dub is leaving the 'Bodia, and with the end of that chapter will be the end of the Cali Thais. So the Cali Thais will be posting until the end of the year.... Don't cry the 5 people who still care about the Cali Thais.

La La Land

2007-11-18T21:52:00.000-08:00

It's been several months since the jump [back] across the pond and I feel like it is time to reflect on it a little. The transition has been smoother than most anticipated in the beginning, yet it is the subtle items that build upon themselves, like soft fluffy marshmallows stacking higher and higher until finally their weight is felt and their number many. Little things, good and bad that you don't notice until finally when you do and suddenly can't stop seeing them everywhere. Below we'll discuss a few of them.

Size:
Everything is bigger here. I mean everything... from the freeways to the food portions, the grocery stores to the waist lines. Let me say, my God this is a fat country. With that said, women also carry curves on their hips and on their chests. It's so much easier to distinguish girls from boys (and I'm not even referring to the ladyboys of Asia).

How this change in size affects me:
I'm reminded how much I don't ever want to become fat. Sure, it may sound bad, but fat people are the tubby, sweaty embodiment of laziness. Food portions are delightfully large, and it's great to get back to decent mexican food on every corner. As for feminine female forms - hell yes. How could I ever live without the joy of large mammaries bouncing from one shop to the next? I'm finding myself more open to both petite and curvy girls... and that opens up a lot of possibilities, however unlikely a positive outcome may be (more on that below).

Cleanliness:
Call me crazy, but LA seems so clean to me. Where are the choking odor-trails that lead you to (or on a hot afternoon, away from) the local fish market? One can safely take a walk down most sidewalks here without constant heed to avoiding steamy garbage piles, wretched diseased stray dogs, the mushy daily reminders those dogs leave behind, rotting scraps from the local restaurant, and unclean beggars clinging to their bottles of whiskey. Oh Bangkok, how your distinct smells will ever dance in my memories. At least I have the urine-soaked stairwell in the parking garage on the way to work to console me and provide a little familiarity.

Personalities:
Here in LA, I feel I've lost my superstar status. This is not solely because I no longer stand towering over the tops of jet-black haired Thais, my skin sparkling powdery white. My skin still keeps its lustrous pale-glow. I no longer feel the full superstar status because everyone else in this city seems to feel they have superstar status too. It truly is amazing to be in a place where everyone is better than everyone else... but I don't see how that math adds up. Let's just say LA is not a land of humble, outgoing Buddhists. Than again, the quirkiness adds a layer of entertainment, so there's that...

Girls:
For my take on women in Thailand, look through past posts - there's plenty there. As for La women, I could (and probably later will) go into great detail about their unique character. For now, I'll allow this story to suffice:
This evening we were on our way to a movie and pulled up to a red light. I turned my head to notice a very attractive brunette in the car next to us. I look for less than 2 seconds before she turns towards me and caught off guard, I offer a completely innocent smile. Before I could even begin uttering the eloquent words "i'd cut off a finger for her" to my roommate, this goddess mars her own beauty with a fierce scowl and a quick-drawn middle finger intended for me (the finger appointed with some huge diamond-encrusted ring, naturally). She then lurches her car forwards, nearly slamming into the car ahead of her, simply to get out of direct eyesight of me. This whole event happened over the course of 7.3 seconds. Her judgment of me as a human took a mere 1.3 seconds. Extrapolating this data out, she went from zero to bitchy in record-breaking time.

Awesome. Welcome to La La Land.
~Bear

E-Dog's Blog - Teach in Taiwan

2007-10-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

If you've ever wanted to know what it's like to teach full time in Asia, the Cali Thais aren't teachers so we can't help. But our buddy E-Dog is in Taiwan and it turns out he has a blog about all his wacky adventures in Taiwan. Check it:

http://wherethehellisethan.blogspot.com/

Bear and E-Dog, along with Jdub to a lesser extent because he was in Cambodia more often than not, got hypy (sp?) in BKK and now all the girls are sad because none of us are there full time. Sorry ladies (see 'What I Deserve' by Bear)

~Jdub

It's the small signs that should worry you the most when you go to pee by the side of the road in Cambodia

2007-10-29T05:39:00.000-07:00

Samboon is a brave Cambodian.

CNN's AC360 is Ridiculous

2007-10-27T04:20:00.000-07:00

CNN's Anderson Cooper (aka AC360) is a goof ball. The pretty boy is promoted to be a hard-knocking, untold-story teller, but he couldn't be further from it.

The first clue came a couple months ago when he reported from a slum in Phnom Penh. He was doing a special on the sex trade, and the story focused on how terrible the expats are in Cambodia, and how they all exploit underage girls. While there is no denying that the sex trade is a problem in many parts of South East Asia, AC360 focused exclusively on foreigners' dirty deeds without even mentioning that the majority of exploitation is hard to capture because the majority is the local people participate and support it. Funny how he didn't go to the places where the Cambodian business men go..... With all sorts of hidden cameras and secret informants, AC360 focused on the white people and made the story seem like all expats are shady, sex crazed animals.

Why can't he be fair and balanced like Fox News? (and why doesn't Fox News have an international channel?)

Then, a couple days ago, he was in Thailand doing a special on "Planet in Peril." Again, he brought the secret cameras and local experts, but this time the story was on the endangered animals that can be purchased at the weekend market. It was ridiculous. The local Thai people came across as shady and evil.

AC360, Bro, what happened to your tolerance of different cultures and ideas? Is it wrong that I want to have a neon turtle from Madagascar? What if I take care of it? What if I help support a poor family by buying it?

"This is Thai culture. You don't understand Thai culture.....", the Thai's often remind me with a smile.

~ Jdub

Japan Photos

2007-10-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

If anyone reads this blog anymore, here are links to my Japan photos:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/87831193@N00/

I'm not moving there lest I'd become an alcoholic living in a closet surrounded by people who never make eye contact.

Any suggestions on where to live?

~ J-Dub

Ninja Status

2007-10-13T03:37:00.000-07:00

In Japan .... Wow. I really want to be a Ninja right now and sneak around like the BIG KAT on too much PBR because it's like everyone in Japan is a Ninja. Making eye contact is the first obstacle. If you can do that, then you have an 'in' and you can talk to the Japanese, but making eye contact is not easy..... This is the Ninja way.

Started in Kyoto, the cultural center of Japan, and I quickly realized why I love traveling. It's a challenge. I had booked a 'business hotel' (the basic equivalent of a closet with a bed and shower) four nights. It was on my flight from SFO to KIX that I realized I was traveling into the future, and I was arriving a day later than I thought. i.e. I left on a Tuesday afternoon and booked Tues night's accommodation in Japan, but it was really Thursday when I arrived. So I basically booked an extra night - amateur night, J-dub..... But luck was on my side, despite my flight in SFO being delayed 1.5hrs. which left approximately 40 in Soeul to catch my connecting flight. Oh, I made it, Ninja style, with 10 min to spare, and I was the last one on the flight.

Arriving in KIX the efficiency of Japan was clear: Immigration - passport, visa on arrival card, boom, finished. Baggage claim, boom, got my bag. Customs - give them the form, boom, go ahead. Sign marked Information - give them the address of my hotel in English, they give me the address and directions in Japanese for the taxi, boom, done. Walk across a corridor to the train station and exchange a train voucher for my train pass, boom, now I can travel anywhere on the trains for 7 days. At the same office, I booked a ticket for the last night train leaving for Kyoto, boom with 4 minutes to spare. Made it to Kyoto and checked into my hotel. I explained my adventure to the hotel reception at close to midnight, and woman was nice enough not to charge me for the extra night.... that's Ninja status.

More pics to come, - Jdub

P.S. Click on Pics to enlarge...........................

What I Deserve.

2007-09-16T01:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a while... ok, it has been ages. I've thought of countless things I need to get around to posting and haven't yet. What's my excuse? Maybe it's settling back into a Western life. Maybe it's figuring out a new job. Whatever the excuse... it's not good enough.

When I decided to return to the States I had a few criteria that were important in my head to fulfill, to make it all worth while. *Find a good job with good starting pay in an interesting company doing something I'd look forward to when I woke up in the morning; so far (one week down), so good. *Moving in with good friends to make the living situation rewarding day in and day out; absolutely - my new roommates are hilarious and enjoy my pointless stories. *Living life a little more fully; I'm on the path to that, and putting up few roadblocks in the process. Hesitation is just an obstacle to having fun, right? *And finally, dating the kinds of girls I should be dating; no settling, no selling out, no one that any friend would later say "dude, she was not cool." Fuck that, time for cool.

Here's where I'm at now: good job, check - living with good friends, check (be it currently on the couch, it's still better than living with my parents, though I love them dearly) - making each day begin and end with a big smile, check - dating quality girls... and there in lies the rub.

Don't get me wrong, I've dated some great girls here. Really cute models, funny chicks, and deep-souled individuals - but none strike the right tone yet. I'm all for pointing out my flaws early on so they know what they are up against. Self-deprecating humor rings loud and clear: I know my weaknesses (though you may find it hard to believe I have any, a few are hidden in the mix), but I'm getting the sense that people here don't always know a great thing when they see it. I say this because I had my first reminder of what it is to be back in Southern California. Oh Thailand, what makes you so sweet?

I guess I haven't felt the sting of a night of strikeouts in a long time... and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Ok, maybe not strikeouts, but no big hits either. And if that is one of the precepts for opting to return to this part of the world, what will it take for a few more grand slams? Guess I need to put forth more effort than merely trying to speak the local language (don't get me wrong, I have to try that here too... I'm so behind the times with the lingo: "not" jokes are no longer in). Let's just say the re-integration into American society is not as smooth as Johnny Walker Green Label on a Saturday night back at Bed Bar in BKK.

Check back in next week, as I have a new strategy I want to test out on the "locals" - really, who doesn't love a guy in a Santa costume?

Until next time,
Bear

Tiger Putting

2007-08-09T04:59:00.000-07:00

Recent reports suggest Wood's discrete drinking of vodka in Aquafina water bottles has helped "Tiger Putting"

(Picture from ESPN's website)

~ J-Dub

"Upgrade" in Cambodia

2007-08-07T04:32:00.000-07:00

I'm overseeing the "upgrade" of wireless internet right now. Whenever the word "upgrade" is used I now reach for the closest bottle of booze to numb the pain inherent in the indelible true nature of "upgrade," which is "your shit will be fucked up for at least 2 weeks, and hopefully after all the fucking around it will be better than if we hadn't touched it in the first place."
~ J-Dub

Only in Thailand

2007-07-31T03:34:00.000-07:00

- Bangkok Parlour

Things I Miss

2007-07-28T06:11:00.001-07:00

This is my third summer in SE Asia. No question there are things I miss about the States:

9.) Snow (I think I remember what cold is)
8.) Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream (any flavor, I don't care)

7.) Celebrating the 4th of July

6.) The Jo-Tel & The Yeah Area

5.) House Parties, a good selection of beers at bars, and proper dank

4.) Comedy Central & FX

3.) Playing lacrosse

2.) Chicks who have a good sense of humor beyond Tom and Jerry cartoons

1.) Friends & Family

~ J-Dub

Sexflexology?

2007-07-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

Old Market, Siem Reap Cambodia

(Click to Englarge)

~ J-Dub

Best pick up move

2007-07-13T03:25:00.000-07:00

The premise for the following move is so ingenious it should be in a movie [FN1]. Although it has yet to be tested outside of my dome, the sheer hilarity of it even if you fuck up bad would be awesome. It's too bad Johnny D isn't here right now, because he would be perfect to play the following Dude. A drunk Johnny D, of course.

Here's the typical situation: Hot girl is talking with friend(s) in a club or bar. Dude needs an 'in' to break the ice.

Here's the solution: Dude politely interrupts and introduces himself. He explains he has a friend who has been watching her all night and who really likes her 'style' but this friend is too shy to talk to her. So the dude proceeds to tell her about his friend - a few intimate details mixed with flirtatious banter. Then the dude asks if she would be kind enough to meet him. At this point, it's up to the girl to give the yeah or nay. If she says yes, then all dude has to do is reintroduce himself...... The 'friend' was the dude.

But for it to work, it requires a few things done well:

1.) The dialog must be prepped beforehand. The delivery should be completely natural.

2.) Dude must make the girl laugh in some way, like with a corny joke that the 'friend' told him. That way, the girl is prepped for the zing.

3.) Dude should mention something else ridiculous that he can use after the 'in', like saying 'just so you know he has a tendency to get naked in public places.'

4.) Have a friend fairly close by who can overhear the conversation. If it bombs, he can jump in to save the Dude by introducing himself, and trying the routine again.

When are you coming out, Johnny D ?

~ J-Dub

[FN1] If anyone has seen a movie with a scene like this in it, please let me know which movie. If it has already been done, I am completely willing to accept that. It's like time when I was in 7th grade and wanted to patent an ingenious idea that was sure to make me rich - vehicle headlights that moved in accordance with the steering wheel. Turns out, it was already invented some 60 years earlier, referred to as 'directional headlights'.

Dinner: Selected Photos

2007-07-08T06:08:00.001-07:00

Domain Name Confusion

2007-07-06T19:01:00.000-07:00

"Intercapping is often used to clarify a domain name. However, DNS is case-insensitive, and some names may be misinterpreted when converted to lowercase.

For example: Who Represents, a database of artists and agents, chose whorepresents.com; a therapists' network thought therapistfinder.com looked good.

Another website operating as of October 2006, is penisland.net a website for Pen Island, a site that claims to be an online pen vendor, but exists primarily as a joke, as it has no products for sale. In such situations, the proper wording can be clarified by use of hyphens. For instance, Experts Exchange, the programmers' site, for a long time used expertsexchange.com, but ultimately changed the name to experts-exchange.com.

Leo Stoller threatened to sue the owners of StealThisEmail.com on the basis that, when read as stealthisemail.com, it infringed on claimed trademark rights to the word 'stealth'. "

- Source Unknown, Hats off to A for the link.

Ode to Steven

2007-07-04T04:29:00.000-07:00

Justice walks where the criminals are many,
Out there with them all,
You right wrongs a plenty
So calm, so quick, so tall.

They say the good are few and in between,
and that only God can judge a man,
But your kung fu is plain mean
I've seen part of Attack Force, damn.

Chief hanker chief with the pool ball
is my sweet nickname for you,
Because no matter big or small,
Biker dudes' teeth are reduced to two.

I defend your masterpieces and art,
when only Korean One plays your films, Geez,
Quick with the trump card,
Like haven't you seen Under Siege?

When you get mad,
Would-be felons run for the hills,
You don't say anything, it's rad,
I'm so jealous, where can I learn your skills?

Best wishes to you and your band,
I'm your biggest fan,
I haven't heard any of your shit
but I'm sure it's legit.

Goin' loco on your solos,
Serenading all da' ladies with your ballads,
No matter fast or slow,
Chicks love you like Vegans love salads.

In the face of adversity
I respect how you're so calm,
throughout any calamity,
That's why I love lightningdrink.com

~ J-Dub

The Happs

2007-07-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

My New Home

- Charles Murray's "In Pursuit: of Happiness and Good Government" is awesome. Murray, who also wrote "The Bell Curve," is plain genius. Pick up a copy- you'll love it.

- My iPod shuffle died when I was, curiously enough, running with it. Apparently, it doesn't like sweat making it's way into the components. Apple kills me. How can they market a product for running that dies when you run with it? (And it's not like it was wedged in between my nuts. It was clipped to the outside of my running shorts.)

- I joined a gym at a nearby hotel for two months. This will undoubtedly motivate me to preserve my stellar fitness.

- The monsoon season is approaching, and it's raining for about an hour everyday in the afternoon. I love the rainy season. Less people, cool weather, and neon green rice fields everywhere.

- I saw a 5 foot frog-eating snake crawling through the garden the other day. The Cambodians are terrified of snakes, but love to eat them. It was fun watching them all poised with brooms and bamboo hunting the snake.

- Vista is a slippery wicket. Slick new look and feel, but it fails terribly at retro-compatibility. Quick Books 2004, for example, doesn't run on my new computer with Vista, so I'm forced to either upgrade to the new version ($400) or buy a second hand computer with XP that can run the older version ($250). Ridiculous.

- I miss Bear.

~ J-Dub

Da Marathon

2007-06-28T00:42:00.000-07:00

I finished my first marathon in Thailand, and must say it was pretty awesome. So many damn hours of running in dust and heat of Cambodia finally paid off.

The race was slow, long, and painful at times. It went like this:

I woke up nice and early last Sunday morning at 3:30am to be sure I could eat some food and drink plenty of water. I applied the necessary tape and Vaseline to help prevent chaffing, grabbed a few baht, laced up my shoes and was ready to go. There were some other runners from Malaysia, Singapore, and Germany staying at the same bungalows as me, and when we met in the lobby at 4:30am there was much discussion of racing strategies. Everyone was shocked that I didn’t have a wrist watch and lacked a clear projected time for finishing. I told them that since it was my first marathon, I just wanted to finish the race in one piece. They laughed and before long we piled into a van and drove to the starting line.

When we reached the starting line, I thought we were in the wrong place, because the scene looked more like a discotheque with loud speakers, neon lights, and people everywhere. But sure enough it was the right place. The sky was black, but the vibe was electric. With five minutes until go time, people from over 40 countries were stretching and loosening up.

The first 5K was pretty slow, and I was terrified of not having enough energy later in the race, so I tried to keep a slow and steady pace. Despite running in darkness and with no sun, the humidity was high, and the air was sticky. When the sky lit up about 40 minutes later, there were some dark clouds in the distance that looked menacing. Sure enough, at the 10K marker it started to rain. Then it started to rain really hard. Then the thunder and lightning came. Everything I was wearing instantly became soaked, including my shoes which felt like lead weights.

Fortunately, the clouds meant no blazing sun, and it was a tropical rain storm, which meant a warm rain. After about 25 minutes, the rain stopped, but thanks to the humidity (wink) I was saturated for the remainder of the race. The two pairs of thin socks I wore proved to be a small miracle- no serious blisters during or after the race!

The course started through the city streets with motorbikes, cars, and trucks passing dangerously close, and I tried my best to run along the shoulder with all the other runners. It then made its way into unpopulated undulating hills with jungle all around. Fog from the nearby coast hovered among the rubber trees and rows of pineapple fields. It was gorgeous. The scenery was helping to distract my attention from my legs, which did not like the hills and from my feet which did not like my wet shoes.

Kilometer 12-30 were kind of a blur. I remember running along the ocean at one point thinking how lucky I was to be running in paradise. At another point I remember passing a novice monk following his elder collecting morning alms and watching me at my snail’s pace with a curious smile. As I reached the 30K mark at 3hr, 36min and fatigue was truly setting in. I found I was walking more now before and after the water stations.

It was tough getting to each of the next kilometer markers. There were only a few people around, and more often than not, I found I was by myself. It took a lot of positive self-talk to keep going. At kilometer 34 there was a set of rolling hills that I was totally unprepared for. This really took it out of me…. The course just kept going and going and going.

I reached Kilometer 38 and was greeted by some familiar faces cheering me on – The Jaw, Bear, A, C, & C.

‘Run, John, Run,’ little C said.

I stopped for a minute for some hugs, and then kept running with The Jaw and Bear by my side. My cousins were great motivators telling me that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do most: walk. As the last of the race was approaching, more and more people appeared cheering me on. So I kept running, albeit very slowly.

I reached the finish line (42Km) with A and kids there again cheering me on. I couldn’t help but smile and crossed the finish line at 5hr. 29min. It was a magical moment. I felt tired and weak, but elated at the same time. Months of training in Cambodia alone had been for this moment. It was surreal. I had visualized it many times in training, and it was finally here. I made it!

~ J-Dub

Note on Self-Reliance

2007-06-10T03:33:00.000-07:00

I live at a place where I don't have to do my own laundry, cook for myself, or clean my room. I can't help but wonder whether having cooks, cleaners, wait staff, and all the others weakens the spirit of self reliance. Does the effort and time saved by these assistants surpass the countless headaches caused by them?

~ J-Dub

So What is it Like to Live in Thailand?

2007-06-08T01:48:00.000-07:00

Crazy things have happened to J-Dub and Bear while in Thailand that probably shouldn't be written on this blog. So rather than write about them, we'd like to share with you the dudes who own The Big Mango, a bar in a red-light district of Bangkok. While the Cali Thais' actions do not necessarily resemble anything they talk about, it gives another side of BKK that plays a small part of what it is like to live in Thailand. We give you:

The Big Mango Blog

From Weird to Normal

2007-06-07T23:50:00.000-07:00

After living in a foreign country for a couple years, the things that were surprising, weird, odd, and funny at first tend to become more and more normal. I really should do a 'you know you've been in Asia too long when...' but a post like that must be really funny and I can never remember all the good ones when I sit down to write. Damn.

Nonetheless, I do have one story about getting a massage in the bathroom of a Cambodian Club while trying to take a piss. Now a whole post could also be written about the club scene in Cambodia. It tends only to be fun if it's your first experience or if you're too drunk to notice the ear-bleeding volume levels, the epilepsy-inducing neon lights, the pre-teen looking crowd, and the stank of cheap cigarettes.

Last night was neither my first time nor was I really drunk, but I managed to have a lot of fun. When I had to go to the bathroom I was reminded of the first time I went to the bathroom in a Cambodian club. I asked my cuz where the bathroom was and he told me.

Then he said, "Oh yeah, don't be surprised if someone massages you while you're in there."

J-Dub, "What?!?"

Cuz smiles.

Before I finish the story of getting my first massage while taking a piss, I have to re-tell a joke a Cambodian named Sela just told me. It goes like this:

A rich man is at a beer garden. The waiter gives him the menu and very politely tells him what he recommends to eat. The rich becomes angry because the waiter is so polite and yells at him. He tells the waiter to bend over and then slaps the man across the face.

The waiter leaves, and comes back a few minutes later. Knowing that the rich man will get angry if he talks politely, he asks the man what he wants to eat in a very impolite way. The rich man becomes angry again because the waiter talks to him impolitely. He tells the waiter to bend over and slaps him again due to his attitude.

The waiter leaves and is now very mad. He decides to pee into the man's beer so he fills up the bottle with his urine. Then he goes back to the table and serves the rich man his beer. Before the man drinks it, he asks the waiter which year he was born. The waiter tells the man. They are the same age, so the rich man hits his hand on the table, and tells the waiter they are now friends. So he tells the waiter to drink with him. The waiter joins the man at the table. They raise their glasses to drink, and only the waiter drinks his own urine as the rich man asks him where he was born. After drinking half the glass, the waiter tells him. They are from the same town. So the rich man hits his hand on the table again, and says they must drink again. When they go to drink, the waiter drinks all his urine, but the rich man doesn't drink anything....

End of joke.

Back to the massage thing. So as I head to the bathroom, everything appears normal and innocuous. So I head to the troff and relieve myself. Before I get things started, a Cambodian comes up right behind me in some ninja type stealth. As every man knows having some dude standing right behind you while you're trying to get things started is terribly distracting. And it wasn't like he was waiting for an empty urinal, because I was the only horse at the troff.

So I continue my business trying to think of baseball, and not the dude giving me a massage. Having recently arrived from SF, I was a bit apprehensive about it. But I manage to finish, and when I was zipped up, the dude grabs my chin and top of head. He yanks it at a diagonal direction wrenching at least three vertebrae in my neck. Then in the opposite direction. It was amazing how dangerous it was, yet how great it was. Then I was led to the sink where a hot towel was waiting. All this service was well worth the suggested gratuity of fifty cents.

Fortunately, I had some forewarning about having a dude approaching so I didn't hit him when he started to massage my shoulders. Now I have to say, it was very weird at first. While the Khmers must be some of the least homophobic people, I didn't know that at the time. I just thought it was super gay. But after seeing hella dudes getting massages while taking a piss, it's now just kinda normal. Funny to think that this happened two years ago, and what's more weird isn't the massage itself, but how normal it is now.

~ J-Dub

J-Dub Stays in Asia

2007-06-07T23:35:00.000-07:00

J-Dub loves Asia and is staying longer. He is now living full-time in Cambodia.

He is going to miss Bear Bear, who is going back to live in US and will probably make three times the bones he makes right now. Like PETE in a Jo-Tel-all-over-the-map kind of way, we all hope he will continue to post on the Cali Thais blog even though he won't be in Asia, since only his posts get comments.

Three Things to Survive

2007-05-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

Up until a generation ago, in South East Asia there was a saying. “There are only three things you need to survive: land, a cow, and water.” Having all these things meant villagers could work their land, produce a crop, and provide for their families.

As the growth of globalization now reaches villagers in some of the most remote areas, this saying has mutated to reflect the changes of time, causing an alteration in two of the three aforementioned necessities. The motorbike has replaced the cow, and the TV has replaced water (or at least the need for clean water, anyway).

The motorbike not only provides better transportation than a cow, but it is also more reliable. It can be used to find employment in the cities, and perhaps more importantly, it is a status symbol for the up and coming generation. The motorbike as a sign of wealth is clearly evidenced by young boys, sometimes three on a bike, driving slowly and aimlessly around town on their shiny new motorbikes. Where are they going? Who knows? They probably are doing what the Cambodians call darling, driving around town looking for fun. A sight none too different from the average character on BET glorifying the notion of sittin’ sideways in a cherry low-low.

While the motorbike switch makes sense, the fact that TV has replaced the desire for clean water shouldn’t baffle one either. Rather it should illustrate the priorities of the villagers.

Imagine you decide to go camping, and in the haste of your decision you are in such a hurry that you just get in the car and drive. Then imagine driving into a hot and tropical land amid a milieu of rice fields far from any semblance of a town or city. For the sake of this exercise you then sell your car to buy a hectare of land with a bamboo hut on stilts and now have $100 left. You need water so you decide to dig a hole and water starts to collect. Soon the water turns brown because there is nothing to protect the hole from the elements, and mosquitoes make it their new home.

What would you do with that $100 (and had no other options) - Would you use that money to buy a TV, or buy a water well?

These are the decisions that villages are forced to make on a regular basis, and often villagers chose the TV. Even in remote villages with no electricity, villagers watch their favorite soap operas with the help of used car batteries that are jimmy rigged to the appliance’s cord. To a certain extent, it makes sense. It would be damn boring living in the countryside. While it’s great to go camping for a week, I don’t know about having to do it all the time.

It’s true that some villagers do not understand all the principles of hygiene, sanitation, and health standards so education is a factor contributing to choice of purchasing a TV over the water well. Yet, villagers need a conspicuous and direct cause and effect relationship. If they drink from the pit 10 times and don’t get sick, how can you tell them that when they are sick, it is from the dirty water?

Nevertheless, all villagers would love to have a water well that gives them clean water. One reason is that it tastes better. Another is the water looks cleaner when it comes from a well. There is a belief that if you drink brown water from a pit, your skin will become darker. But water from a well is clearer, and thus your skin will become whiter. Seems logical, yeah?

So while many can’t save up enough money to buy a well, there are many villagers who do have the money, but choose to spend it on other things, like TV’s and motorbikes. Unfortunately health does not top villagers’ priorities until they get sick. So as globalization brings wonderful new technologies to even the most remote corners of the globe, villagers who make about $200 per year now face increasing desires that challenge their ubiquitous notions of what is needed.

~ J-Dub

Leaving the BKK

2007-05-20T02:28:00.000-07:00

My time in Asia is coming to a close so it is time to give a recap of the last few weeks up to today...

It has been absolute madness finishing up the last few weeks in BKK. Had to interview, hire, then train our new staff as best I could in a very short amount of time, deal with all kinds of crazy legal issues because we got screwed by our formal "lawyer" who turned out not to be a lawyer at all, accounting B.S. with back-taxes like wild because of false legal/ accounting advice, find and move into a new office, and basically hand over all of the work, structure and systems I have created over the last 2 years... oh, and pack up our entire house.

So on the night before J-Dub and I departed for Cambodia, I was at the new office with my successor/staff going over last-minute details until midnight, raced home to start packing, packed until 4am, up again at 8am and left in a van around 11am. It's a really weird feeling to know that Bangkok is not my home anymore, that all of my life now exists in two duffle bags and a small box. That's it. As we left Bangkok for the first time in about three weeks I had the time to just sit and think, and it was a really strange sensation to recognize I'm gone from here - don't know when I'll be back... and that I have no idea where I'll be next.

Our drive to the border went fine. Then we had the process of packing ALL of the boxes (an absolutely huge quantity of stuff) onto a wooden cart and having two Cambodian boys push the cart through the border for us, stopping to wait while we checked out of Thailand and again while we got our visas to go into Cambodia. They were really nice kids, though we were quite wary at first. Part way through - between Thailand and Cambodia - some Cambodian Immigration officers stopped us and wanted us to pay them for the goods going through to Cambodia. J-Dub and I pointed out that they were IMMIGRATION (which deals with people), not CUSTOMS (which deals with goods). The guy finally said "up to you" and we said "in that case, bye, have a nice day" because we knew they had no authority to stop us. When we did reach the Customs, then we hit bigger trouble. They demanded a receipt for the towels (about 100 branded towels for our B&B) and that we pay them the fine. We said, ok, if you give us a receipt then we will pay the fine, so our business can see the receipt from the Customs Agents... of course they weren't going to give us any receipt because their demands were - well - not entirely "legal." Finally we negotiated from $100 US Dollars down to a $12.50 bribe. Still annoying, but what could we do?

See, I think that the city of Poipet (the Cambodian city just past the Thai/Cambodian border) gives Cambodia such a bad name, particularly among the Thais. The police are so corrupt and the poorest of the poor come to this area to beg from the toursits passing through and the Thais who go there to gamble and generally look down upon Cambodians (which in turn give Cambodians a bad view of what the average Thai is like). Everywhere else, the people are so nice, so gentle and so sweet. Poor and poorly educated, but generally really good people. Poipet is to Cambodia what a sphyncter is to a Supermodel - a shitty part of an otherwise beautiful thing.

Anyway, once across the border we got in two taxis with our staff, Narla, and began the incredibly bumpy ride to Siem Reap. It had rained really hard earlier in the day - so hard that the taxis had to drive up onto the bus station passenger waiting area so the passengers didn't have to wade through knee-deep chocolate-brown water to get into their Camry. Needless to say, the road was absolute shit for a while. What took about 3 hours just a month ago, now took about 5 hours, and was a miserable ride. In the end, we made it safely though.

Just two quick days here in Siem Reap that have flown by too quickly. I leave with The Jaw tomorrow afternoon for Luang Prabang to begin the guide training and meeting with our partner companies. From there, on to Vientiane, Hanoi, Hue, Hoian, Saigon, back to Bangkok, Chiang Mai, then down to Phuket for J-Dub's Marathon, then to Krabi for a few days, back in Bangkok for three days, then... back to the US. After that, I don't have a plan in the world... except maybe a long nap.

~Bear

How Good Are You Hopping?

2007-05-15T03:19:00.000-07:00

(Click to Enlarge)

Seen in the countryside of Northwestern Cambodia. Sometimes graphic pictures are needed in places where many can not read, and children play with unexploded ordinances.

Poppin' Collars in Space

2007-04-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of the Daily Mail

Silent Killings - Thailand's Tumultuous South

2007-04-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

I'm often surprised by what makes the news, and maybe more importantly, what doesn't. For instance, today on the Headlines page of BBC World News, one of the more reputable mainstream news sources, caried this: "Scientists discover a mineral with the same chemical make-up as the fictional kryptonite seen in Superman." I'm not certian that references to a comic book-turned-movie are necessarily front page news, but I guess that's kinda cool. But there is much happening in our world that deserves a little more coverage than Superman's nemisis in mineral form.

What if I told you that there is a battle lead by Muslim extremists that has taken over 2,000 lives in the past two years? And what if I said this violence has included beheadings and mutilations, some caught on tape for the purpose of making a political statement? Or that the majority of killings were carried out with the use of home-made I.E.D.'s. Any guess where on the map this is taking place?

If you guessed Iraq, try heading east about 3,750 miles and you'll end up in Thailand. That's right - Southern Thailand is home to a growing battleground of terrorist violence, though much of the world has never heard a word about it. While the reasons behind the violence are varied and complex, it will suffice to say that the pridominately Muslim population in Southern Thailand is fighting back against the discrimination and poor treatment in an otherwise overwhelmingly Buddhist nation (surely an oversimplification of a complicated situation).

Upon closer examination of the violence, the statistics stand out as rather appalling. Nearly 3 people a day are killed in the three southern most provinces of Thailand. And the targets: most recent targets have been the elderly, school teachers, monks and passing pedestrians - all Buddhist, all civilians - purly for the purposes of terrorism. An average of over a 1,000 murders a year may not seem extreme - on par with LA County's comparable homicide rate according to 2002 statistics. Yet when comparing the size of the populations, the southern provinces have a murder rate that is over 5 times larger per capita than in good ol' LA County (complete with its gangs and violent reputation), and with all victims in the Thailand statistics are defined as 'civilian terrorism-related deaths'.

To drive the point home further, as of the end of March 2007, the War in Iraq had claimed 3,213 United States Soldiers' lives in the 4 years since the invasion. On average, fewer U.S. soldiers have died fighting in a war than have innocent Thai civilians in day-to-day life, yet where is the media coverage of this Jihad of the East? I am in no way belittling the loss of life of our Service Men and Women, but merely illustrating the extent of violence happening each day here in Southern Thailand while the rest of the world turns a blind eye.

~Bear

Like that Flock of Seagulls guy, I ran....

2007-04-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

12 miles on Saturday. You wouldn't believe hot it is in Cambodia now.

Land Mine Cambodian Princess Barbie

2007-04-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

Land mines are still a big problem in Cambodia, and raising awareness for the cause is a major issues for some organizations. Unfortunately the picture above marks one of the tasteless advertising campaigns invented to raise awareness for land mines - packaging Barbie dolls as beautiful Khmer princesses with a bloody stump for a leg.

According to the Adrants article:

"BBDO is behind this attempt to get Singaporean consumers to pay more attention to the plight of Cambodia, which happens to be deluged with land mines. The campaign includes a direct mail component in which company execs with children receive the doll (and others like it) at the office "since parents are the most vulnerable when it comes to kids," adds Madon. This is so they'll talk to other office folk about the grotesque gift."

In this case, the merit of intent holds to reason (to raise money), but the means of its procurement not only disrespects the beauty of Cambodian women, but also trivializes the face of true tragedy.

Take for instance this recent headline, "Girl Killed in Accidental Rocket Explosion." The young girl was cleaning an ancestral alter, when she found a curious object - an unexploded ordinance. Not knowing what it was, she started to play with it until it finally exploded killing her and wounding her brother and mother.

I wonder if Land Mine Cambodia Princess Barbie will really do anything to help the family that suffered this tragedy.

~ J-Dub

Stuck in Cambodia

2007-04-08T23:52:00.000-07:00

I miss golf

The Heat

2007-04-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

It is so hot in Cambodia right now. The humidity is terrible. Two showers a day just isn't enough. Getting out of the shower requires taking another shower. Being hot and sweaty and sticky makes it hard to get anything done.

~ J-Dub

Lessons Learned Managing People in Asia

2007-03-31T04:29:00.000-07:00

Losing face in Asia slaughters the head of the prized pig. Telling someone they make a mistake can be tantamount to a complete cessation in dialogs between two parties. I have read much about this in books like "Culture Shock: Thailand", warning of the dangers when telling someone they fucked up, but this is much more difficult to handle in practice. The natural tendency is just to ream the person who is in the wrong. But doing this is not a good idea.

Whenever I fucked up as a kid, my father would never get really mad as much as show how disappointed he was at my behavior. This had a tremendous effect that I'm only recently starting to understand. It worked great. But in Asia, it doesn't.

I made the mistake of telling one of my teacher's that I was disappointed in him, when I made a surprise visit to his class to find no students. I called him in the morning so he knew I was coming, but why weren't the students there? Apparently they were busy cleaning their government school - a task that happens every so often - but I was a bit still perturbed. This was added to the fact that I was showing the school to some people who bought school supplies for the students, and it didn't look good that there were no students.

I kept my cool, but told him that I was a bit angry, and I didn't know if I believed his excuse. Shouldn't there have been at least a few students?

After that encounter, I haven't heard from the student in 2 months. He is unreachable and his classmates say that he is scared to talk to me now. This is good for neither him or me. I need him to help with our projects, and he needs to fulfill his commitment by helping in the community so he doesn't loose his much needed scholarship.

So I've learned a valuable lesson. In Asia, managing people should focus on encouragement, highlighting when people perform well, and offering suggestions to improve behavior.

~ J-Dub

At the Gym

2007-03-25T17:35:00.000-07:00

Dude in speedo: Why do you wear the dress?

J-Dub: Excuse me?

Dude in speedo points to J-Dub's tank top.

Dude in speedo: Why do you wear the dress?

J-Dub: I wear the shirt because in America it is respectful to wear the shirt while exercising.

Dude in speedo: Ok! Ok! Yeah! Sorry!

Dude in speedo stops watching Chinese Cartoon and leaves. 2 other fat dudes in speedos enter the gym and start working out.

I really wish I signed up for a month membership at a different gym.

A Letter to all the Dudes at the Gym

2007-03-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Fat Dudes Working Out in Speedos,

For the love of all things decent, can you please stop wearing speedos when you workout in a public gym. There is no justifiable reason to wear a speedo when working out. No on 'looks good' working out in a speedo. Even those body-builder dudes in the posters on the walls, whom perhaps you are failing to imitate, don't look good in speedos. The gym is isn't your own personal rec room, and we are not at the beach. Even David Hasselhoff would condemn how your undulating jiggle rolls when you lean over and grunt to pick up your 10 pound dumbbells.

Would it really kill you put on some shorts and a T-Shirt? After you leave the last piece of equipment, others have to use it, and wearing some extra clothes would prevent speedo-ass imprints on the equipment. You see, your speedo doesn't wick up 100% of the perspiration you expire, and frankly I don't like to use a bench knowing it was just abused by your speedo-ass.

I would also like to point out that the gym is a place to work out, and not your living room where you can lounge around and watch terrible Chinese soap operas at maximum volume. Could you please turn down the TV and start exercising your huge gut away? My iPod can only go so loud before my ears start to bleed bleed.

Thank you,

J-Dub

How to Make Money in Asia

2007-03-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

1. Select a product that sells well.
2. Create a crappy name that vaguely describes said product, and change the name.
4. Sell said product for slightly cheaper than original product.
5. Do not include any information containing location of production or distribution.
6. Watch the money come pouring in.

J-Dub Goes Running -- Fuck-Off Cambodian Dogs

2007-03-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

While running in Cambodia, I get to see a lot of the everyday life in the countryside. One thing that makes running difficult is the amount of fuck-off dogs. They are everywhere. Upon seeing a white boy running, they immediately begin to bark and sprint at me full speed, rabid teeth shining. The initial response can be terrifying, especially when it is unexpected and the canines come chasing from out of the wood work. But I learned to practice a local technique to ward them off - pretending to have a big rock in hand and throwing the imaginary rock at the dog. It works every time. The dogs back down instantly, and although they continue to bark, they stop the chase.

97% of Cambodians treat their dogs like shit. It's really quite sad. Little kids throw rocks at and kick their 'pet' dogs. Adults usually only care to keep their hounds fed well enough to barely muster up enough energy to bark and chase the white boy runner. Hell, Cambodians eat dogs (although they will deny it if you ask them). The canine is seen as very low animal in Cambodia. In fact, it is used as an insult to call someone a dog. I made that mistake when I said to my Cambodian friend Sina, "Thanks Big Dog," to which he replied,".... why you call me the dog?" Damn... That took a while to explain.

~ J-Dub

Taken from a Conversation

2007-03-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

On the way back from the market in Cambodia.

Makara: "Why do you think the old man likes the young girl?"

J-Dub: "Hmmm.... Why do you think the old man likes the young girl?"

Makara: "Yeah, because the old man has the car, the big house, has lots of money, and has the good take care skill."

The Trouble with Innovation in Asia

2007-03-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

There is a children's story told in Cambodia that extrapolates the innovative culture in Asia nicely. It goes something like this:

A coconut collector is taking shade from the mid-day sun in a palm tree. He looks over to his neighbor's land and thinks to himself, "If I hire a worker to help me to collect coconuts, together we can collect twice as many coconuts, and with the extra money, I can hire more workers to collect from my other neighbors' land. Then, I can hire even more workers, and eventually I could sit in the shade and would not have to work; I would only have to manage the other workers."

The entrepreneur then thinks to himself, "What will I do if I my workers become lazy?" He thinks to himself, "I know I will kick them!"

Just then, being so deep in thought, he kicks the air pretending to kick his imaginary worker, and he falls from the tree. On his way down, he grabs hold of a branch.

Dangling from the tree, he yells to his four brothers. The brothers run fast and see their brother in distress. They tell him to let go and fall into a pile of rice husks below.

"No, that will hurt," says the coconut collector, "Tie the four corners of your kromas [FN1] together and hold it tight to make a net to catch me."

So the four brothers follow his orders, and their lone brother drops from the tree. When he falls into the kromas, his weight brings all five of the brothers heads together and they all die.

The moral of the story is: "Don't think for yourself; Just do your job."

~ J-Dub

[FN1] A kroma is a multi-purpose piece of fabric used in Cambodia.

Corruption in Cambodia

2007-03-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

So I have to get a extension visa to work in Cambodia for the next year. The official rate for an extension is $150 to do it myself (i.e. go to the Ministry of Labor Department, fill out paperwork, pay the fees, etc.) But the 'official rate' is much different from the actual cost. See, if you don't mind waiting 4 weeks to get your passport back, going to the Department multiple times because of 'errors', you still only might be able to pull off the 'official rate'. But most likely, you'll have to put some money on top of the application to get it back in proper shape. So I'm going with the other alternative - to go through an agent at a cost of $275. Where does this extra money go? You guessed it - to the guy at top of the totem pole in Phnom Penh's Ministry of Labor Department. I am so used to dealing with corruption now it is a bit ridiculous. While I understand it's a part of every developing country, Cambodia's corruption problem looks never ending.

Here is a fun game dealing with corruption in Cambodia:

http://www.talesofasia.com/cambodia-corruption.htm

~ J-Dub

Visit Burma

2007-03-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

Burma (Myanmar) is damn awesome. Bear and J-Dub visited the junta-controlled country last month and loved it. The Burmese, unlike the descriptions of the Thai who refer to the Burmese as snakes [FN1], are fun, intelligent, and warm people. And the avocados are the size of human infants and taste amazing with a little added salt and a lime.

Nevertheless, I've never been to a country so backwards. No ATM machines anywhere, no credit cards are accepted. The most modern cars are from the early 1990's [FN 2]. Unlike the rest of Southeast Asia, your average Burmese doesn't have a cell phone, because a SIM card costs $2,500. They still use telegrams. Telegrams.

I'll try to post more about Burma later, but probably won't have time. So just check out:

PICTURES FROM OUR TRIP

[FN1] Scene: Thai guide, J-Dub, B sitting at a table.

Thai Guide: 'I don't want to say anything bad about the Burmese, but they are like snakes. Always go like this.'

Thai Guide uses her right hand to imitate a slithering snake.
B and J-Dub: 'Wow'

[FN2] A used 1990 Toyota Corolla with 200,000 miles costs $30,000. WTF?

Golfing in Hua Hin

2007-02-06T02:21:00.000-08:00

Hua Hin, the beach resort three hours south of Bangkok, has some amazing golf courses, and I was fortunate enough to play at the Royal Hua Hin Golf Course on Sunday. Although my caddie wasn't cute and couldn't read the greens very well, I still had a great time. I even saw a monkey on the course.

~ J-Dub

A Mugging in Bangkok

2007-01-26T03:58:00.000-08:00

Lately there have been an increase in reports of muggings and kidnappings in Bangkok. Your very own correspondent was recently a victim of such brutality at the hands of the infamous "Beer Monster," pictured at left.

My tramatic experience is outlined below. I was:

Held against my will
Wasn't allowed to eat food
Instead, forced to drink excessively
Humiliated by being forced to dance in public
Brain washed to believe that certain members of the opposite sex were more attractive and interesting than reality would prove
Had my sleep stollen from me
Had a pounding head ache the next day - leading me to believe I was also physically beaten as well
Had large sums of money stollen from my wallet without my knowledge

If you've experienced some or all of these, then you too may have been a victim of the Beer Monster. I hope that this will serve as a reminder to all of us the importance of being vigilant after the sun goes down, as the Beer Monster can strike anywhere, any time.

~Bear

Question of the Day

2007-01-24T05:21:00.000-08:00

Making international headlines, a Cambodian woman recently re-emerged from the jungle after 19 years of living in the wild. While there are suspicious details surrounding the story, it brings us to the question of the day:

When is a feral child no longer considered feral?

http://www.feralchildren.com/en/index.php

Yes, there is a website about feral children; we forgive you if you laugh a lot while visiting it.

A Skype Conversation in Asia

2007-01-18T03:41:00.000-08:00

Note: Real names have been replaced with the Greek alphabet.

Warning: The following contains inter-species erotica and many, many, many, insensitivities that are funny as hell.

Part I --- Elphants rob a truck in Northern Thailand and the story of THE dog reemerges.

Alpha : Listen to this...

Alpha : Elephants stop, loot trucks on dark road

Chachoengsao _ The chief of Khao Ang Rue Nai wants the road through the wildlife sanctuary closed at night after a herd of elephants held up and looted a string of cargo trucks. About midnight last Saturday a herd of 20 elephants blocked route No.3259 (the Ban Nong Kog-Ban Wang Nam Phon road) holding up 10 trucks, Yoo Senatham said.

They tipped some vehicles on their side, spilling the cargoes on the road so their young could eat, and gorged on sugarcane and tapioca.

Beta : awesome

Alpha : Somebody then posted a pencil sketch of an elephant and said it was a police sketch of the suspects... pretty funny

Gamma : when animals attack 3

Beta : they didn't attack, they were just hundry

Alpha : then someone else that any moment the generals here are going to come on TV and say that THAKSIN was behind it

Beta : can you imagine all the Thais yelling and then getting tipped over...priceless

Beta : :)

Gamma : that is so funny, we are all laughing

Alpha : Q: What do you do when an elephant holds you up in the middle of the night?

A: Anything he wants.

Beta : now I am thinking about Alpha and the dog [FN1]...man animals are funny

Alpha : alpha and the dog? what dog?

Beta : oh...THE dog [see FN1]

Alpha : did I get really drunk one night and do something I shouldn't have?

Gamma : no the dog and the snow

Beta : if that dog had had a ruphie [FN2] alpha would be a different man today

Gamma : If I get old and loose my mind the one image I hope to never loose is Alpha and the dog

Alpha : oh, me getting molested by that black dog from Satan's kennel?

Gamma : if Alpha had the ruphie

Beta : yes, if the dog had been able to get a ruphie in Alphas mouth...wooee

Beta : damn it...not having opposable thumbs strikes again!

Gamma : do you keep a jar of peanutbutter next to your bed

Gamma : or does doing a girl doggy style make you break out in a cold sweat

Delta : We don't call it beastiality; we call it interspecies erotica

Alpha : god

Alpha : I don't know what peanut butter is all about...

Alpha : hey, even collies need a little lovin sometimes

Part II --- Old Thai ladies try to save a striped sweatered rat-dog from the jaws of a disgruntled and jealous mutt-dog

Alpha : on a totally different note about dogs: yesterday I suddenly heard women screaming like a ghost was trying to eat their baby. Instead, it was one of the mutt dogs biting onto Pi Meow's tiny dog's head. The big mutt was just sitting there wagging its tail with the entire head of the little one locked between its teeth.

Beta : I shouldn't be, but I'm laughing

Delta : you don't understand Thai culture

Gamma : so I am, out loud

Beta : is the doggy dead?

Alpha : yes, it actually was pretty funny

Gamma : I hope not otherwise I will feel bad for not stoping my laughter

Beta : oh man I wish I could hear Delta say that!

Gamma : yes it is dead?, I am still laughing

Beta : what did you do?

Alpha : it wasn't really hurting the little dog, but I think Pi Meow grabbing the little dog by its hind legs and pulling as hard as she could didn't help

Beta : did you hump the big dog to distract it!?!?!

Beta : revenge is sweet!

Beta : take that big dogs of the worls

Alpha : no, I just stared out the window in total disbelief

Alpha : I think all the gathering Thai Women's screams paralized me into inaction

Beta : you should have shot it

Alpha : it was an orchestra of shrill screams in unison... I think my ears were bleeding

Alpha : yes, but the gun is a little broken now, so the shots don't go very straight. I definately would have hit one of the ladies... which would have been ok too I guess

Gamma : You could have proved that guns in homes save lives but now I still hold my belief they are only a danger and never make you safer

Beta : Epsilon shot his neighbors dog and now they are suing him

Beta : so did the dog live?

Alpha : picture this, two thai ladies pulling two dogs apart by their hind legs screaming like bhanchies, with neighbors from all sides running over in their mumu's and curlers, and a white guy shooting the old ladies.

Delta : "an orchestra of shrill screams in unison" - the band from the Pink party Alpha went to last night

Alpha : yes, I think the dog was fine, but scared shitless. it didn't make it bleed I don't think. It just locked its jaws around the tiny skull of the rat-dog

Delta : they are rat-dogs

Alpha : and get this, the little dog was wearing a striped sweater.

Delta : !?!

Delta : ha ha ha!!!

Delta : you don't understand thai culture

Gamma : that makes it so much better

Gamma : the naked dog ate the clothed dog

Gamma : a dog in a blanket

Alpha : I just thought that was priceless. The mutt was just reminding the little one that gets to roam inside the house not to be such a pompus little prick

Gamma : maybe the dog thought it was a candycane

Beta : maybe it's like the mean kids that mug other kids in the subway for their shoes...

Beta : he wanted the sweater

Alpha : haha

Gamma : sweaters are to thai dog what air jordans were to blacks

Gamma : Alpha, did you put a sweater on you little guy today in hopes it would end up in a mutts mouth

Gamma : sick bastard

Alpha : that's just fowl.

Alpha : yes

Gamma : and at the end of all this the whole neighborhood looked up and saw there strange pasty white neighbor staring down like the creapy strange neighbor whose house always smells funny

Alpha : haha

Gamma : not a word or reaction

Alpha : funny but true

Gamma : just a stare

Alpha : then just recedes back into the shadows

Gamma : thats the guy

Gamma : so funny

Gamma : this morning just got alot better, thanks Alpha

Gamma : and it all started with a robbery

Alpha : glad I could help

[FN1] THE Dog refers to the time when Alpha was in 3rd grade walking home on a particularly snowy day. Alpha was about to reach his home. Suddenly the neighbor's dog pounced like a savage beast and knocked Alpha to the ground. THE dog was a big, big dog and proceeded to fornicate Alpha, whom heavily clothed in a winter attire had limited mobility to fend off the hungry dog. Despite the crys for help, many witnesses could only laugh.

[FN2] Alpha clamied he was 'ruphied' at a full moon party.... It was later confirmed he was just really drunk.

Cambodia Gets a Bad Rep

2007-01-11T03:51:00.000-08:00

If you ask most Americans what they know about Cambodia, you might get any of the following responses; "Isn't that where Angelina Jolie's kid is from?" to ""Isn't that where Angkor Wat is?" to "That's the country next to Nigeria" or if you're really talking to someone who has a clue; "That's where Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge got away with genocide" - but the latter comes up far less than references to Tomb Raider. Generally speaking, those who have a slight inkling about the country's existance will not speak favorably or negatively about this poverty-stricken place, because frankly they don't know enough to pass judgement.

If you should ask the same question to a Thai, their knowledge of its history or culture will be similarly hazy, despite how much of Thai culture came from the Ancient Khmer civilization, yet they will (9 out of 10 times) present a scowl on their face and start rattling off how terrible the Cambodian people are and how they look down on them. Even mention that you know a few Cambodian words, and you'll get a funny look (not funny ha ha, but funny 'you dirty emposter dressed in a white person's skin!). The Thai will undoubtably tell you about how the Cambodians are liars, beggars and thiefs. Not a one can be trusted. They will tell you how ALL of the beggars in Thailand are really just poor Cambodians who illegally came into their country to get a hand out.

Personally knowing a very different side of the Cambodian people, I've tested this claim on several occasions, because the beggars I see typically look Thai to my untrained eye. I've attempted, sometimes with some of my Thai friends within ear shot, saying hello to some of these dirty Cambodian beggars in Khmer... only to be met with a look of confusion. Then shift my language-set over to Thai, and each and every time I get a smile of understanding and a request for money from this THAI beggar. My friends then show a little shame and guilt for their unfounded biggotted comments about the Cambodians.

A huge part of the problem stems from Thais experience at a city on the Cambodian/Thai border called Poipet - the sweaty crotch of South East Asia. The commonalities between the name Poipet and "Toilet" extend beyond mere syllables. This extremely poverished town is filled with Casinos just past the Thai border that wealthy (and not-so-wealthy) Thais flock to by the hundreds if not thousands, because gambling is illegal in Thailand. The come and flash their money around and parade around on their high horses infront of the Cambodians, the whole time looking down their noses at their Khmer neighbors. And with this influx of money from the Thai side, comes a flow of impoverished Cambodians just looking to get a piece of the action that seemingly comes so easily to the Thais. The unfortunate outcome is that the Thais who escape their country for a weekend of sin and endulgence to throw away their money, are met by the poorest of Cambodians with fewer skills or opportunities just looking for a way to catch some of that cash, legitimately or otherwise. Thus an unfair judgement is passed upon all Cambodians because a few bad apples, by the Thais who act like spoiled high school graduates on a binge graduation trip to Cancun [not to pass any judgement or anything...].

As much as I don't like Poipet and the state of the unimaginably poor children with tiny dirty hands extended in the hopes of receiving something shiny, or the rampant scams that happen to tourists and Thais who wander about clulessly, it is no fair representation of the great country of Cambodia, or the incredibly warm-hearted people who reside elsewhere in it. Yet as dispicable as that town is, as I sat for a few minutes in the shade to eat my peanut butter and jelly, I found myself instantly in the company of five smiling faces who wanted nothing more than to practice their English skills and joke with me. And as I walked back through No-Man's-Land, passing tacky Thai casinos headed towards Thailand, I thought about how much I enjoy the Cambodians' friendly demeanor and big, easy smiles... and how little I looked forward to my 5 hour bus ride home.
~Bear

Decision to Stay

2007-01-05T20:23:00.000-08:00

After an arduous internal debate weighing the pros and cons and seeking advice from friends and family, I have decided to stay in Asia for another year. In making the decision, I followed the PUMA's advice of taking a blank sheet of paper, drawing a line down the middle, and jotting down all the reasons to go on the right and reasons to stay on the left.

There were many reasons in both categories, and ultimately, it came down to the opportunity to make something big out of the nonprofit. It is just too amazing of an opportunity not to make a big go of it.

Interestingly, fear played a part of the decision as well. It was the fear of looking back and wishing I had done more with the given opportunity. I am terrified of leaving now and in 5 years looking back and saying to myself, 'I should have stayed that extra year and made something that was great into something that was excellent.'

Perhaps the notion of looking back at our previous selves and wishing we had tried harder is not common to everyone, but I definitely have it. Looking back at university, I had a great time and did pretty well in all my classes. However, I always think I should have done things better (i.e. read more, started papers earlier, attended every class, etc.) Lacrosse is the same. I know I had a great career, but looking back I always think I should have been better (i.e. a harder left handed shot, gone after more ground balls in games, etc.)

While it may not be healthy to chastise ourselves for not doing things differently in the past, I think we should all strive for excellence in our present lives.

So my decision to stay comes with this recognition of my own fear and also the quest for excellence for the upcoming year. In doing so, I have set a few goals. First, I have started to train for a marathon in Phuket on June 17th. Second, I have decided to teach reading comprehension courses to Cambodians in my free time. On Monday, I start Robinson Crusoe with my first group of students. And third, I have started to set big but achievable goals for the nonprofit so that when those goals are reached, I can look back and be content with my efforts.

I hope you will find excellence in your life in the upcoming year as well.

Happy New Year,

J-Dub

Letter to Lou

2007-01-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

Fabulous letter to CNN's protectionist-in-chief from George Mason economist Don Boudreaux... [courtesy of Larry Kudlow]

Dear Mr. Dobbs,

Congratulations on having a large new bloc of voters bear your name! Politicians ignore the "Lou Dobbs Democrats" at their peril.

Every night on CNN you claim to speak for these people. They are America's middle class: decent folks who work hard and play by the rules but who, you insist, are abused by the powerful elite. Free trade is one of the policies allegedly supported by the elite and for which you reserve special vitriol. You thunder that imports destroy American jobs, reduce wages, and make the economy perilously "unbalanced."

But you are mistaken.

First, some basic facts about the state of middle-class Americans. The US unemployment rate now is at a healthy 4.5 percent. This rate is lower than the average annual unemployment rate for the 1970s (6.2 percent), the 1980s (7.3 percent), and even the high-growth 1990s (5.6 percent). Inflation, meanwhile, is running below the average for the 70s, 80s, and 90s.

Here's more good news for ordinary Americans. The percentage of Americans who own their own homes is higher than ever, even though the size of today's typical home is larger than ever. Workers' leisure time, too, is at historically high levels. And jobs are just as secure today as they were in the late 1960s, according to a research paper by University of California-Davis economist Ann Huff Stevens.

Perhaps you think that this prosperity exists only because so many of today's households require two income earners. But women started leaving homes for paid employment at least a century ago, with no jump since the end of World War II in the rate at which women enter the workforce, according to a recent report by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Had worker pay truly deteriorated in the past 30 years, and had families reacted by sending moms to the workforce, the rate at which women join the workforce would have increased. It did not.

Today, the percentage of household expenditures used to buy nonessential items is at an all-time high - about 50 percent compared with about 45 percent in the mid-1970s. That undercuts your notion that two incomes are needed just to scrape by. Not only is America's middle class not disappearing - it's thriving.

Perhaps you miss this fact because you are misled by familiar trade jargon. In your book, "Exporting America," in your columns, and on your television show you complain vigorously and often about America's trade deficit. You call it "staggering," and wonder how long America can continue to run such deficits.

Admittedly, the word "deficit" sounds ominous. In fact, though, America's trade deficit is evidence of its economic vigor and promise. Here's why:

When Americans buy foreign-made goods and services, foreigners earn dollars. The only way America would run no trade deficit is if foreigners spent all of these dollars buying goods and services from Americans. Instead, though, foreigners invest some of their dollars in America. They buy American corporate stock, they build their own factories and retail outlets in the US, they lend dollars to Uncle Sam, and they hold some dollars in reserve as cash.

Aren't you proud that so many people the world over eagerly invest their hard-earned wealth in America?

As an American, I'm proud and optimistic. Foreigners invest in the US so readily because its economy is so strong. And even better, these investments strengthen the economy by creating more capital for American workers. These investments raise workers' productivity and wages.

Remember: A trade deficit is not synonymous with debt.

I'm writing this letter on a new Sony computer that I bought with cash. I owe Sony nothing. If Sony holds the dollars it earned from this sale, or if it uses these dollars to buy stock in General Electric or land in Arizona - that is, as long as Sony invests its dollars in America in ways other than lending it to Americans - the US trade deficit rises without raising Americans' indebtedness.

Americans go more deeply into debt to foreigners only when Americans borrow money from foreigners. Uncle Sam, of course, borrows a lot of money, from both Americans and from non-Americans. I share your concern about the reckless spending and borrowing practiced by politicians in Washington.

Foreigners, however, are not to blame for this recklessness. Indeed, I'm grateful that foreigners stand ready to help us pay the cost of our overblown government. Fortunately, Washington's spending binges are not serious enough to cripple America's entrepreneurial economy. If they were, foreigners would refuse to invest here.

If you're still skeptical that America's trade deficit is no cause for concern, perhaps you'll be persuaded by Adam Smith, who wrote that "Nothing, however, can be more absurd than this whole doctrine of the balance of trade."

Smith correctly understood that with free trade, the economy becomes larger than any one nation - a fact that brings more human creativity, more savings, more capital, more specialization, more opportunity, more competition, and a higher standard of living to all those who can freely trade.

Sincerely,

Donald J. Boudreaux
Chairman, Department of Economics
George Mason University

Most Amazing Story of 2006

2006-12-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

This story is like reading a script from a new Michael Mann film. The craziest thing is that it's not based on a true story, but it is actually a true story.

Maybe you heard about that Ferrari Enzo that crashed in the Malibu hills early in 2006 but no one could identify who was driving the car? Then the story disappeared. Maybe you heard about the Gizmondo? How it failed and then disappeared?

Well here is the story that connects the two with more twists and turns than a Destiney's Child's Music Video:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.10/gizmondo.html

~ J-Dub

J-Dub is a Godfather

2006-12-24T21:24:00.000-08:00

Callie and Shrenut

Callie gives her brother a kiss.

J-Dub and his godson, little Couper

Wood you like something to drink?

2006-12-24T20:58:00.000-08:00

A staff member was under the weather the other day. The signs of sickness were clearly evident on her face. It looked like she had worked three days straight without sleeping. But knowing how much the staff sleeps throughout the day, this was hardly the case. Probably a stomach flu.

So how do Cambodians relieve sickness? Honest to truthiness, by drinking boiled wood water. That is, pieces wood, bark, and root are boiled in water and then strained leaving the remaining hot liquid ready to drink.

I only noticed this because with each sip of the drink she was holding, Kai-O would squinch her face contorting every muscle so that there was no question that it tasted terrible. So I smelled it. It smelled like wood. I didn't drink it because it smelled like wood and I don't drink wood.

Through translation, I learned that it is customary for Cambodians to drink boiled water in wood to feel better. All I can say is, "Wow."

~ J-Dub

The ReMan Control

2006-12-16T05:31:00.000-08:00

Although Apple is usually not cool, it did do the lyrics thing right

2006-12-14T06:04:00.000-08:00

(see below)

Sick iPod Plug-in

2006-12-14T05:35:00.000-08:00

I had a thought of innovative genius last night. The kind of idea that seperates people with ideas from people who don't have ideas. It's a new plugin for your iPod. I don't know if it exists but would love to know if it does.

Just imagine listening to your favorite song on your iPod, but getting to that place in the song where you can't decipher the lyrics. What did he/she/they just say? No problem, let me check right on my iPod.

It could be simple as downloading a free iLyrics plug-in for your iPod which could be installed in iTunes. This program would add a cruital element to song play: it would allow the user to click the middle button on the click wheel to the lyrics page, and in Karaoke-like fashion, produce the song's lyrics while the song was playing.

Example playing any Radiohead song:

- Click once: ability to raise and lower volume of song
- Click twice: ability to scroll through song
- Click thrice: Cover art
- Click four times: ability to rate song
- Click five times: ability to read the lyrics of the song while the song is playing

Lyrics are abound on the internet. Why aren't they on your iPod?

~ J-Dub

Solitude in Siam

2006-12-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Since late October, Bangkok has been without its beloved J-Dubb. Thus Bear has been left to his own devices. Without his right-hand wing-man, Bear has gone out of his way to develop a second-tier of top guns to take on the ever thumping Bangkok night scene.

And thus the second and third members of what we shall call the Trio of Trouble arrived (the name still needs a little work). Ethan and Hesse became the go-to guys for grabbing some late night grub after work or getting totally shit-faced on a Saturday night. Banded together by our love for beer, impeccable ability of picking up girls, and our stunningly white skin - we quickly became great friends. Great friends who were irresistable to the ladies. Like catnip to kittens... it wasn't even fair.

Now this may seem like a simple task - making friends with cool western dudes because you share a common background in a foreign land, but you'd be a fool to think this... a dirty, dirty fool. You see, there are not many younger western guys here, and even fewer who aren't a little nutty and into the seedier side of what a white guy can find in this part of the world. Furthermore, one would be hard-pressed to find a group of any such strapping lads as we three. So luck was on our sides, each and every weekend.

But alas, from three we are two, and soon to be one. Sir Ethan returned to the States after losing the race against the clock to secure a non-tourist visa. And Hesse will quit his job here to return to his studies next week. So where does this leave Bear, you ask? In a strange state of solitude.

You see, Bangkok is a massive sprawling metropolis of over 12 million people, hustling and bustling at all hours of the day and night. Yet, somehow it is totally possible to feel like you are in a bubble, floating through but not really existing in this forest of concrete, steel and glass. Nothing helps to alienate someone more than not having a good grasp on the spoken language, and having no understanding at all of the written one. And as we've covered in the past, the cultural differences are vast, beyond vast. It is easy for Bear to pass several days without leaving his home and office or speaking to anyone except over the telephone for work. Thus Siam has become surreal - so many people yet so few familiar faces. Time to seek out the new peeps...

At long last...
~Bear

Oh Sweet Mekong, What Makes You so Sweet?

2006-12-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

Young kids paddling as they make their morning
trip up a tributary leading to the Kong Lo Caves in Laos.

Pictures are here!

A month down the Mekong River starting in China and passing through Burma, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and finishing in the Mekong Delta in Vietnam.

What a trip. Check it:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/87831193@N00/sets/72157594411802977/

Book Recommendation

2006-12-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

Mark Steyn's "America Alone"

Christmas in Cambodia

2006-12-07T05:02:00.000-08:00

Bear, J-Dub, and the Jaw will be re-united in Cambodia for Christmas. It is roughly 90 degrees, humid as hell, and feels nothing like the holidays.

The folks, friends, and family are all back home. There are no green and red tassel hanging on the street lights. For that matter, there are only 29 street lights in all of Cambodia.

95% of Cambodia is Buddhist so finding Midnight Mass will be a struggle (but maybe possible?).

Finding a Christmas Tree will be equally difficult.

We're still having a Christmas Party. Screw it.

A Feel Good Day

2006-12-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

Last Monday was one of those feel good days. I was checking on some of my scholars who were teaching young poor students at one of our free language schools. When I came in, the kids at class all started smiling, and on queue they stood up and said good afternoon. The teacher had an equally big smile on his face as he wasn't expecting to see me.

To see all the students diligently writing in their notebooks made me smile. It's was contagious. All these students were there because they want a better future and realize that education is key. I felt honored and touched to be able to help.

After the class I went with the scholar to pay for his year at university. (Money from a donor, not out of my own pocket.) The rector at the university said since he was chosen for the scholarship, he has seen a tremendous improvement in his attitude, studies, and dreams for the future. It was a great moment.

TV in Cambodia

2006-12-07T04:36:00.000-08:00

The Good:

- Fashion TV - 24 hours of runway models sporting basically nothing. Midnight Hot is not about the weather. Check out the website: www.ftv.com
- It's stolen from Thailand which means the service provider doesn't pay royalties and it's $5 per month plus an extra $1 for every additional TV.
- The Random Movie Station - Some guy in Phnom Penh controls a DVD player and plays movies at random all day. Sometimes when he gets too drunk or falls asleep, the screen will just say, "Sony DVD Player - Please Insert Disc." Also doubles as a pre-screening channel for movies that haven't been released in theaters.
- HBO

The Bad:

- MTV Asia - Better than MTV in the States because it actually plays music, but terrible because it's all sad love songs in Chinese and Thai.
- No Comedy Central
- No PBS

A Standard Greeting

2006-11-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

The other day I found myself in an uncomfortable situation. I was saying goodbye to a family friend that I didn't know really well, but well enough and came upon that odd moment of "what do I do to say goodbye". Go with the modest handshake? The fraternal hug? The bold single kiss on the cheek? Or the even bolder double kiss on the cheeck?

There should be some sort of generic, standardized greeting between male/female who know each other well, but not very well. The greeting should be inclusive but not overwhelming and should aim to prevent all the multitude of uncomfortable situations which result when, for example, one person extends a handshake while the other goes in for the hug. The shaker is demoralized by the hugger. Has the hugger been too bold? But is this less so than if the shaker had gone in for the kiss to match the hugger's hug?

The kiss on the cheeck can throw everything off and make things too complicated. Too many questions are raised when one member offers a cheeck. Do you actually kiss the cheeck? Do you lean in and pretend to kiss while making that fake kissing noise? One or two cheecks? That the Europeans can do this with such ease makes me want to take ball room dancing and tango lessons. [FN1]

I reckon if there should not be a standard greeting called the 'shugress'. It's the shake, hug, kiss all wrapped up into one. It covers all the bases. It's a fluid movement starting with the simple handshake. With hands connected the two people move toward eacher other and do a one handed hug with the free arm while moving in closer to the other person for a single fake kiss on the cheeck. Simple and straightforward as that.

Just imagine the world with the shugress. Free from the incombrences of awkward situations, people could say goodbye to one another with the confidence of, 'yeah, that was a good shugress, I'll see you soon.'

Maybe I can convince Johnny D to do some 3D renderings of the shugress....

~ J-Dub

[FN1] Unless your Al Pacino in Sent of a Woman, ball room dancing and tango is for sissies.

Saturday Night

2006-10-24T05:44:00.000-07:00

J-Dub will be out of contact for a month as he leaves this Saturday to sail down the Mekong. Knowing that he will probably be out of options for partying, this last Saturday Bear, Ethan, John and J-Dub went out to Polly's Bar which was having an Indie night. J-Dub and Bear like most Indie bands, and frankly it is a nice break from the normal house/techno/bad jungle crap they play at most of the 'cutting edge' clubs in BKK. The pics should speak for themselves.

Engrish Text Messages

2006-10-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

J-Dub has received some doozie text messages recently from a few girls.

"Dear John, how r u? what r u doing? Have hard work? Don't forget takecare ur & be careful always.Since i at Robinson with Kie. I want u been there with me. But i know u'v job. It'ok. Hope we can together next time. I miss u much. I know have not longtime 4we meet again bcoz,u must working travel around 2month.I hope u'll not forget me.I really want u can stay beside me & can spend time with me on 17Nov my birthday.Umm,But u'v job.I sadly 4that.How can do?Or only..."

...linked text...

"i get dream 4 that,4our time on my birthday.! I miss u so.!"

Shooting Guns to Save Hospitals

2006-10-19T03:04:00.000-07:00

How about this for a nonprofit fundraiser - fire a few rounds of class 3 weapons (i.e. assault weapons) and the proceeds will go to charity!

- The Nonprofit Quarterly weighs in on the article here.

The Platapus is Forced to Retreat to Back to Her Semi-Aquatic Habitat

2006-10-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

Pictured above is the Platapus beside Barrett's now ex-girlfriend. From day one I was telling Bear this girl was trouble, and ultimately her slip about stealing his sperm led to her demise.

I started calling this girl the platatus when I noticed that every time she didn't understand something in English, she would pucker up her lips to such an amazing resemblence to a platapus that the name was born. Add that to the fact that she misunderstood just about everything I said, and wow - you've got a nick-name that sticks almost as well as the PUMA.

I want to make this point clear - this tale is not just a humorous anecdote but it also serves as an archetype example of just how crazy Thai girls are.

I'm just glad Bear escaped unscathed. Good for you Bear.

~ J-dub

Break It Off Like a Kit-Kat...

2006-10-05T04:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. Sure, there are upsides like she enjoys being a Sugar Mama, usually fun to hang out with and her "Engrish" is pretty good. But I think you'll find my reasons are more than justified:

1)She's crazy (most Asian girls are to some degree)
2) She said something utterly unacceptable:

"Bear, when you leave to go back to America, I want you to give me your sperm for a baby." [Awkward Silence] "It will be so cute."

-Ok, so maybe it was a joke that got lost a little in translation. I followed up with a gentle "Not a chance in Hell," to which she replied:

"Ok, I'll get you really drunk and steal your sperm."

[Very Awkward Silence]

That wasn't merely the straw that broke the camel's back... that was the 1/2 ton steel I-beam that crushed the camel to smithereens.

Bye-Bye crazy Thai girl...

Comments welcome.

~Bear

Phases of Faces

2006-10-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

As J-Dubb kicks it in Cali, Bear is left to his own devices. And this being the case, he finds ways to amuse himself, and befuddle his ever-curious neighbors...

Allow me to take a step back. About a month ago, I decided that I should grow my hair out longer again, or grow a beard. The problem was I couldn't decide what to do, so I started down the path towards both. After a short while, I concluded I could grow my hair out at any point, but I wasn't likely to go through the unsightly stage that resides between stubble and beard anytime soon again. With this in my head, I went to the barber, and the beard kept growing.

Then, I quickly realized that long hair could have still be presentable and handsome, and facial hair... not. So, time to begin my project of chopping it down to size, one day at a time over the course of about one week.

It's amazing how facial hair can change the appearance of someone from bearded nature-lover, to punk cage fighter, to Latte-drinking suburbanite, to bad-ass red-neck, to Mad Dog. All in a day's work people, all in a day's work. The best was leaving my home each day and seeing the looks of perplextion on my nosy-neighbor's face.

Lesson learned: boredom leads to stupid things.

~Bear

I'm Going Going, Back Back, to Cali Cali

2006-09-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

"Going back to Cali, strictly for the weather

Women, and the weed -- sticky green

No seeds bitch please

.....

If I got to choose a coast I got to choose the East

I live out there, so don't go there

But that don't mean a nigga can't rest in the West

See some nice breasts in the West

.....

Fuck your plan, is it to rock the Tri-State?

Almost gold, 5 G's at show gate

Or do you wanna see about seven digits

Fuck hoes exquisite, Cali, great place to visit

Smoke some nice sess in the West"

- Notorious BIG, Going Back to Cali

~ J-Dub heads back tonight!

The Coup in Thailand: Exclusive Pix

2006-09-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

Click to Enlarge

Despite risking their lives to give you these exclusive photos, Bear and J-dub are alive and safe. On Tuesday evening, around 10 tanks were reported initiating a coup around the Grand Palace in Bankok. The Cali Thais learned of these reports via CNN with the breaking news headline, "Tanks in Bangkok."

Hopping in a Tuk Tuk, Bear rushed to the scene with his camera in hand. At the scene he found tanks in the middle of the road blocking traffic.

"When I got there there wasn't much going on. It's like a chess game more than anything else," says Bear.

It has been a peaceful coup so far, with the military demanding the removal of Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. Thaksin, a business man who has faced protests as well as corruption and abuse of power earlier this year, is out of the country.

The Cali Thais suspect that the coup will remain peaceful and Thaksin will step down. Yet there are still many uncertainties.

How will this affect short-term and long-term foreign investments? Will banks suspend giving loans? How will trade be affected? What will neighboring politicians think of a democratic state experiencing a coup? Will they strenghen their control in their own countries away from democracy? How will the Thias be able to trust their government?

Developing.

~ J-Dub

Craigs List: Part Humor, Part Torture

2006-09-08T04:10:00.000-07:00

I have to tell this story, because Bear won't. It's a prank that one can only laugh about when said person is not the victim. In this case, Bear was the victim.

While depositing money in the bank today, Bear received the following text on his cell:

"Saw your post on craigs list. What's up? 21yo 5'11" 185 pic at http://******.jpg (little drunk in that pic) let's hang out or something."

"Craig's List? 5'11, 185 Wow! Either that's a big chick or that's a dude!" Bear thought. A few minutes later, he received this one:

"Hey Barrett, saw your ad and would love to chat. I'm a fellow american stationed here in Bangkok as well. I have a dinner tonight but could call afterwards, wanted to know if it was ok to call late? michael."

Turns out Bear has some friends in town who, two-weeks prior, revealed the Craig's List prank, where they used a friend's phone in a personals ad of men seeking men. Having ample time on their hands, they decided to make Bear the butt of the joke.

Here is the link in all it's glory: http://bangkok.craigslist.org/m4m/204470082.html

Just in case it gets pulled off, here it is: Hi, My name is Barrett and I just moved to Bangkok (the code) not to long ago from the United States. I'm feeling kind of lonely in this big city and am having a hard time meeting people who share the same interests as myself. Back in the US I had trouble "finding myself" (01) and opening up to others, but now that I'm here I think it's time to take the next step, open up to people, and experience new things. Ideally I'm looking for someone who is looking for a long term relationship and that I can share my thoughts and feelings with(258). I like going out but I'm also enjoy staying in and talking through the night. If your kind, considerate, and generally open to this kind of idea and relationship, decipher the code and give me a call, I can't wait to hear from you (4201). If I don't anwser right away leave me a message and I'll be sure to get in touch as soon as I can. Also, I'm about 6'1" (185cm) and 175lbs. (80kg), lean and fit, and I'm looking for someone who takes care of themselves. Talk to you soon, Beautiful and lonely in Bangkok, Barrett

My favorite part is "beautiful and lonely" with the picture (which was ironically taken by Bear himself when he was alone in the office. He was "testing" his new camera lens.)

~ J-Dub

No Owl but a Gun Will Do

2006-08-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

The pigeon problem has intensified outside our office window. Luckily, we have a new pellet gun we use to snipe the unsuspecting rats of the sky. Until we erect a fake owl on the top our building, advanced weaponry is our only arsenal against the beasts. The training from the Cu-Chi Tunnels outside Saigon is now coming in handy.

~ J-Dub

Buzzword of the Day

2006-08-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

The newest buzzword in the non-profit sector these days is 'philanthropy travel'. The good news is that the Journeys Within / Journeys Within Our Community partnership is on the forefront of this new phenomenon.

Check out the infant JWOC Volunteer Blog:

http://jwoc.blogspot.com

~ J-Dub

My Incredible Niece, Part I

2006-08-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to say that Callie is very appreciative of all the lovely gifts she received for her first birthday... and that those of you who didn't get around to it should probably make up for it next year, or Christmas... or both.

Yes, it's true. Little Callie Sita Ross is in fact 1 year old and we've all grown quite attached to the little one. Here are a couple pics from the big birthday bash about a month ago...

Here J-Dub and C enjoy a little birthday breakfast.

Later in the day, the good stuff comes out - cake and presents. Lots and lots of presents for a very little person. In fact, if I were the jeolous type of person, I think there were about 47 reasons to be jeolous, all wrapped up in clowns, balloons, flowers, puppies, and ribbons. But, lucky for Callie, I got over my love for Fisher Price toys a couple months ago.

As the cake got passed around, people let the sugar get to their heads. Here's a moment when Callie heard one of the grown-ups say a naughty word... guess we'll have to start being a little more careful.

With one year under her belt, we all can't wait to see what surprises she'll have for us!

~Bear

Three Tomatoes were walking down the street.... Catch Up!

2006-08-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

Bear mowed the lawn today. This of importance because he chooses to mow the lawn himself instead of paying the 100 baht to hire a gardener once a week. J-dub gives a nod to Bear, but still thinks it's worth hiring a gardener.

J-Dub can kick a bag full of packed saw dust really hard now. Watch out for his jab high, low, low, upper, hook combo. Kick boxing is awesome.

Our five bananna trees still aren't producing fruit.

The movie Layer Cake is awesome.

J-Dub hate pigeons, or the rats of the sky as some refer to them, and we have loads who perch outside our office windows. Yesderday Bear bought a pellet gun (they go for 250 baht on the streets of BKK) to shoot said pigeons. Now Bear carries the pellet gun around with him everywhere he goes around the house.

Getting a ride back to our house late on Friday night from a club downtown, we told the taxi driver in Thai to drive us to our house on Chareon Krung Road, perhaps a 20 minute ride. After 40 minutes on the highway, we asked him again, and with a stunned look he said, "Ohhhh." We were headed to the new BKK airport in the opposite direction. So he turned around and headed back in the right direction. The total trip took an hour and a half. This has never happened before.

The fifth season of The Sopranos kicks ass.

The Economist also kicks ass.

Our tropical fish now have a new home inside our house. They were previously enjoying the heat on the sun-baked porch for two months.

Bear now has a power converter for his body hair trimmer. Now he no longer has to deal with braiding his mangroves of coconuts.

Bubba Brandon kicked the shit of a Thai guy in his second professional Cambodian kick boxing fight. We wish to learn the secrets of Bubba.

Our neighbor walked into our house unannounced, holding two plates of fried rice. This has happened about 6 times since we moved in.

Our neighbor forces us to let her do our laundry. She demands we give her our laundry, and she has her maid wash it and iron it. She refuses when we ask to pay for her services.

Tomorrow J-dub goes to Laos. Pray that all on Laos Airlines make a safe voyage.

~ J-Dub and Bear

It's good to be back

2006-08-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

So for the past year, Bear and I have lived in Asia, where certain food items are difficult to find. So venturing to find proper Indian, European, American, and Mexican food takes a bit of effort. But when you need cheese, guacamole, sour cream, a greasy hamburger, whatever.... you will go great lengths to find it and pay just about anything for it.

Tonight was one of those nights. The fare was Mexican and the price was spendy. Damn good burrito, but talk about gauging - $9 with steak. And the tasty margaritas - $ don't ask.

I love Thai food, but thank goodness for metropolitan cities and the choices they offer.

~ J-Dub

Another Bonifide Ad

2006-08-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, these are all over Bangkok.

Back in Bangkok

2006-07-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

After nearly a month in Cambodia, I'm finally back home in Bangkok. It's great to be back to a city that has things to do. I just found out, for instance, Michael Mann directed the new Miami Vice film - a fact of little worth when in Cambodia where International films are not screened.

Unfortunately, I got deathly ill on the 10 hour bus ride back. A bad bout with the runs and nausia has left me bed ridden. Who knows the genises of the culprit? Brushing my teeth with tap water? Contaminated food? Shaking hands with that old guy from the village? If the symptoms don't improve in 3 days I'm going to the doc. And I was just on Cipro 2 weeks ago too...

This illness has delayed training in my new favorite sport: Kick Boxing. While in Cambodia, I started to train with my cousin and the Cambodian army guys. The facilites are lackluster at best, and the verbal dialogue minimal. With fighting, explainations can be summed up pretty quickly without words. We now have a punching bag at our house in BKK.

More later, - J-Dub

From the Field

2006-07-09T04:17:00.000-07:00

Near where I'm staying in Cambodia, there is a group of about 100 homes living in overwhelming squalor. The government is planning to build a road where these homes are located, but being the Cambodian Government, this will likely be at least another two years away. Most of the residents have built their meager homes, which usually consists of four wooden poles as frames and dried palm leaf thatch roofs and walls, from their own labor and minimal savings. They have come to the city from other provinces seeking jobs and a better life.

This is the some of the worst poverty I have seen since being in Asia. After conducting questionnaires, we found there are no toilets or restroom in the entire area. Residents instead use the bushes next to their homes. Water is plentiful but dirty and unsanitary. Dug pits are the norm around the homes and provide all the needed utilities that water provides including laundry, bathing, drinking and cooking. We were encouraged to find that most of the residents boil the water before drinking. Yet, most suffer from frequent headaches and dysentery.

While the women and children stay at home and willingly answer our questions, the men are out in the town working or looking for work. Far and away the most common job by the men was unskilled manual labor as in hauling concrete or bricks. The average wage for a job like this is 6,000 riel per day (just under $2). Many of the children run around without clothes and their smiles are a stark contrast to the piles of rubbish mounting around the homes.

After a full day in the field conducting interviews, I couldn't eat my dinner last night. The day of heat combined with the odors and images of such poverty disagreed with my stomach.

JWOC will definitely be helping these people.

~ J-Dub

You Know You've Lived in Asia When...

2006-06-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Well, we've just passed the one year mark on being in Thailand. Yes, one year of kicking it in Asia, and getting it done. Thinking back over the past year, so much has happened that it is incredible. I know I've settled into this place, this way of living, this culture and I'm sure J-Dubb would say the same.

Here is the Top 10 list of quotes that show we've been in Asia a while:

10. "Did you see that family of 5 on that motorbike?" "Yeah, could have fit one more."
9. "Got immodium?"
8. "That alley smelled like a wet rotting yaak covered in fecal matter." "Yeah, so much better than yesterday."
7. "What's a water heater?"
6. "$6 for an hour-long massage? Who'd pay that?!?"
5. "I could really go for some fried crickets right now"
4. "You know, durian doesn't smell that bad."
3. "You donn haf to wordy. Veddy cheeep!"
2. "Can I have more ice in my beer please?"
And the number one quote...
1. "Did she really just touch his hand in public? What a slut!"

There's more where that came from. Keep the comments coming!
~Bear

They call him Blizz

2006-06-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

So Bear now is referring to himself as "The Blizz." I'm not sure where this came from, and I'm sure he will blow more wind about it than the calm side of a duck's ass, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that a girl commented on his pale skin by calling him "casper." I would defend such a comment except for the fact that it's a raw freak of nature to see such an Irish lad could be so white despite the fact that he lives in a tropical climate.

We're putting a punching bag in the backyard to do a wee bit of Muay Thai training, and I think the "casper" comment forced Bear into a state of utter frenzy.

Going through Bear's mind, "Fuck yeah I'm white. Fuck yeah I'm gonna fuck some shit up. Call me the Fuckin' White Blizzard!" [FN1]

This then got shortened to "The Blizz". It reminds of when Johnny D [FN2] decided that he wanted to be called "T-Bone". I distinctly remember the Puma launching into in a magnificent diatrible against people giving themselves their own nicknames. We'll see if "The Blizz" sticks. For now we have a note written on our white board that says, "Things to Get: Hammack Stand, Liquid Blizz Recepticals". I think the latter refers to blowjobs.

[FN1] Bear's anger has been much better in the last week.
[FN2] Johnny D and Bear resemble each other in remarkable ways. Very, very strange how similar, in fact.

~ J-Dub

All that jelly and no toast

2006-06-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

Bear and I just got back from a night out at RCA, and boy do I wish I had brought a digi camera. I swear I have never seen so many hot Thai girls in one place at the same time. Usually walking down any given street in Bangkok roughly 1 out of 13 girls catches my eye. But tonight was different. Way different. We're talking 1 in 2. Outrageous. Strictly speaking, crazy hot Thai ass everywhere.

The Blizz and I found ourselves hungry and in need of booze as the night started. The internet prooved (as it usually does.... what did people do before the internet? I try to remember those fond days..) to yield the much needed source of hot ass enlightenment. We found RCA. It's a strip of bars / discos packed full of young, hot Thai girls. Not heaven, but close.

Having a girlfriend now, I upheld my respectable character by making the peanut butter jelly sandwich which I made upon arrival at cosa del Cali Thais the highlight of the night. It almost surpassing the hot ass.

~ J-Dub

The Hostel Project

2006-06-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

Check out my boy J-Morte's new album "Devil's Advocate" at The Hostel Project. Do it!

A new song posted every Monday morning.

~ J-Dub

Cooling off Gore's Warming Warning

2006-06-14T19:01:00.000-07:00

Great article in the Canadian Free Press rebutting Gore's claims about the imminent Global Warming crisis. Not only does it give the other side of the story, but more importantly (I think) shows how both parties use "intelligence" to create uneeded fear in the American public.

Looks like the Republicans aren't the only ones "lying to America," as Liberals are fond of saying.

~ J-Dub

Travel News Headline of the Day

2006-06-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

"Vietnam gears up for minority of tourists who exploit children sexually: - Full story here

Are there editors in Asia? because that just doesn't sound right.

Cambodians and Their Food: Part II

2006-05-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

One thing I've never understood is eating on the floor. I simply can't do it. Bending over to reach my food always puts my stomach in knots and undoubtedly my legs fall asleep in any variety of positions. Had I grown up eating on the floor, I guess it wouldn't be a big deal now. But given the choice between a comfortable chair and a table or sitting on the floor, the former wins hands down.

But in Asia eating from the floor is like when you want to go for a run, but you have to decide which route you want to take and what kind of run you're going to go on. Is it a fast run? Is it a hill run? A long run? Then you have to make sure that your contancts are lubed up with conditioner so you won't have to stop if a bit of dust gets in them. And before that you have to decide what to wear. If it's hot, do you go for the tan, or do you wear heavier clothes to promote more sweating? If it's cold, do you wear a long sleeve shirt knowing that you'll have to take it off at some point when your body warms up, or do you endure the inital chills so that you don't have to worry about carrying your shirt during your run? If it's sunny do you wear a hat, knowing that if you get too hot you will have to carry that too? Then you have to decide if you want to bring music. Will there lots of traffic, and will the music be dangerous? Is there enough power in the music player to make it through an enitre run? More importantly, what music will you listen to? Then you have to drink water so you're hydrated enough, but not too much so that you get cramps durning the run. Then you have to make sure you have the keys to your house so that you can get back in. And then you can go for a run.

Eating on the floor for Asians is just like preparing to go for a run, you know - normal.

~ J-Dub

Cambodians and Their Food: Part I

2006-05-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

I smelled something absolute putrid coming the kitchen today. Hoping not to see a dead animal (which is what it smelled like) I went into the kitchen only to find a frying wok full of crickets.

While not uncommon for Cambodians to anything they can catch, these fried crickets were particularly foul. If you have never smelled this aweful stench, consider yourself lucky. I mean, it smelled like a wet river otter batheing in moldy sour cream.

The thought of the smell still makes me cringe.

~ J-Dub

The Thais and Food

2006-05-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while, but what better way to get rolling again than to talk about something we all enjoy everyday. Food. As friends and family well know, I'm a big fan of food. I relish the act of eating and manage to pack away unusual quantities of the stuff. But when it comes to the love of all things food, I just can't keep up with the Thais.

I just got back from the International THAIFEX Food Expo. Dear Lord. I never knew so much food existed (both in variety and sheer quantity) on this Green Earth. The convention center is the size of 8 football fields all under one roof, undivided, and the place was packed wall-to-wall with various food vendors from around the world... and plenty from Thailand alone. But that didn't compare to the masses of people that flocked to the event. I believe it was estimated that a third the population of the planet was there today. And not a soul left the exhibition empty handed or empty stomached.

After wandering around for a while, I realized that I had no idea what most of these edible morsels were. I had the pleasure of sampling every variety of fruit, meat, grain, herb, vegetable, and ??? known to man. I tired several things that were so uterly alien that I have no idea if they were made from plant, animal or plastic - but boy were they good! In the end, I ate a six course meal from samples alone and bought a sickening amount of new and unusual foods. Yet a 5 year old passed by with three times as many bags, then turned to me pointed and just laughed - and that cut deeper than words. I guess I can't even hold a candle to these people and their obsession with sampling, buying, discussing, preparing, remenessing, sharing, and eating food. And the best part about this expo is that there is one much like it at any number of different convention centers every weekend in Bangkok - and every weekend it is packed with eager hungry Thais.
~Bear

Quote of the Week

2006-05-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

"Well, welcome to Asia, land of harmony where the Thais hate the Burmese and the Cambodians, the Cambodians hate the Thais and the Vietnamese, the Vietnamese hate the Cambodians and the Chinese, the Chinese hate the Vietnamese and the Japanese, the Japanese hate the Chinese and the Koreans and the Koreans hate everybody." - From the Tales of Asia Blog commenting on ridiculously insensitive new Thai film Ghost Game.

Bonifide Advertisement

2006-05-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

I kid you not, this is an actual advertisement in Asia for a skin cream product that helps improve moisture retention in your skin with the aid of milk. At least I think that's what the product is for.

~ J-Dub

From the Archives

2006-05-12T01:13:00.000-07:00

This may be Johnny D's first beer ever recorded on film, circa 1998.

Picture taken at Bizno's Beach House, the same night Dylan Creedon slapped the PUMA at which point a minor brawl ensued only to be broken up by Bizno, Jeff Tutton, and myself.

~ J-Dub

Shave Everywhere

2006-05-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to The Actress for showing the Cali Thais this link (via Bear who never posts anymore). I have a feeling this won't sell well with the Asian market.

J-Dub Returns From Vietnam

2006-04-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

I returned last week from Hanoi (the capitol of Vietnam for all you non-geography majors). Vietnam is a pretty crazy place. I would say even more so than Thailand. It's one of only a few Communist countries still in existence, and yet, despite its politics, it has an free market economy. So it makes for an interesting place to visit.

I was there on business developing a new project for JWOC. The project will be focusing on supporting the second and third generation victims of dioxin (Agent Orange) used during the Vietnam-American War. Just outside Hanoi is a "Peace Village" were over 100 children aged 1 - 18 receive physical therapy, housing, food, education, and supervision.

Truly a remarkable place, the village is making a tremendous difference in these young folks lives. Each child's condition varies quite a bit, but all suffer from some form of mental or physical disability. Some of the children have severe memory problems and can't remember the events of the last five minutes while others can read and write at a third grade level (thanks to the help of the village).

It was really a moving experience because seeing the effects of agent orange in photos of destroyed forrests is one thing, but seeing the disfigurement of a living person is completely different. I was worried that being an American, there would be some lingering resentment or anger, but I was amazed to find quite the opposite. Working with an American-Vietnamese translator, the Director at the Village told me several times that they can not change the past and instead are doing their best to help the children. "The children come first," they told me.

There is certainly a lot that can be done. Just as a small family has many different needs, so does a large family need more on a larger scale. From the numerous bathrooms that are unusable due to overuse, to the unused physical therapy pool due to lack of funding, to the dedicated and compassionate staff who earn less than $50 per month, to the lack of fans in the summer and blankets in the winter, to rats that make their home in the kitchen, they can use money to help their "home".

So now the fund raising begins.

~J-Dub

Hey, I'm feeling your vibes

2006-04-06T04:28:00.000-07:00

Durex wil be releasing a new toy to the market. This is the new advert from its website:

"NEW Play Vibrations, a vibrating ring designed to give you up to 20 minutes of quivering pleasure It's easily turned on and off; part of the fun will be experimenting with which way to wear it for maximum stimulation. Play Vibrations can be used with or without condoms, try it with a little lubricant to further enhance your experience."

Basically, it's a big wedding ring for him, that vibrates for both him and her. Better yet, just watch the video advert.

20 Minutes! Jeeze, I would have been happy with 3. But why isn't Durex capitalizing on Bluetooth technology for this new invention?

~ J-dub

The Duke Lacrosse Rape Scandal

2006-03-30T04:46:00.000-08:00

Recent news stories concerning the alleged rape of woman [FN1] by the three Duke Lacrosse team members has sent the small town of Duhram into a frenzy. No charges have been filed, but the lacrosse team's season has been cut short by the President of the Universitiy's decision to await the fruit of further investigation.

As someone who loves the game dearly, I think this is a real shame on all accounts. Playing college lax were, tritely speaking, some of the best years of my life. It's too bad Duke Lacrosse had the feel the brunt of the pain. Not only the unduly nominal tarnishing of the school's reputation, but also the physical pain endured by 46 of the 47 team members [FN2] who received DNA samples by "swab checks".

It would only be fair to point out that rape is not new to the sport of lacrosse. I am not proud to say it, but I can remember several occasions of being raped on the lacrosse field by top ranked SSU Lacrosse Team during my tenure at UC Davis. To my eternal torment, I can remember a particular game thinking, "Wow, J-Dub you just got raped big time in front of all these people and your defender now has an assist thanks to his fast-break efforts. "

And even off the field, rape accusations are not new to men's lacrosse. For those of you who the man J-Dub, I'm sure you have head my tirade about my buddy Magnus who was charged of raping a girl [FN3] at a lacrosse party and later acquitted at trial after a year's bitter torment of preparing testimony against her sorry ass. (This event, incidentally, led to J-Dub rap debut.)

From the reports, here's how I see it: it's too bad this is about the only publicity lacrosse gets. It really is a kick ass sport.

Further, the woman who consensually agreed to entertain the lacrosse team with her services was a female escort. To make matters worse, she was an escort without a body-guard. Isn't there some kind of unwritten rule against this, abrogating the written rule is is meant to prevent? I think it's completely outrageous that a girl can claim rape, and immediately everyone points the sour end of guilt at the man. It is exactly this sort of jumping to conclusions that ultimately led to the Davis Police breaking down Magnus' door the next morning and throwing him into a cop car, slamming the door on his toe and breaking it, injuring our star player for the rest of the season.

Further still, least shocking to all else but most to me is that the annual tuition for Duke is $43,000. The annual tuition for Phnom Penh University in Cambodia is $500. Doing some quick math, over 320+ students can have B.A.'s in Cambodia for the price of a single Duke graduate. Wow... $43,000 a year - the authorities should be investigating Duke University on similar rape allegations.

~J-Dub

[FN1] The woman who alleges the misconduct is black, and I refuse to make this a racial issue. It very well may be, considering Duke is in the South, but for the record: racism is not cool. I will leave it at that.

[FN2] There is one black man on the Duke Lacrosse Team and he did not have to undergo swabbing because the woman says the perps were white.

[FN3] By all accounts, this girl was crazy. She looked like a man. She played women's rugby. She stalked Magnus for about 1 month. And was easier to berate in a rap than Dick Cheney or the Catholic Church.